Everywhere Fulfillment is, I am. Fulfillment is everywhere. Fulfillment is. I am.
First, I’m changing my Why a little bit. Yes, all that I said in my Why is true and correct, but after an emotionally raw and rip-me-open past 48 hours, I have some foci I had not thought of before.
- I want to use the Journey simply to stay sane for the next 40 days. 2020 has been a bear, and it’s not over yet (especially with the election coming up, and people losing their marbles with all the Covid stuff).
- I want to use the Journey to reflect on my relationship, and process the bear-of-2020 relationship stuff through Journey of Fulfillment. Although the past 48 hours ripped me open (the kind of emotion that produces a nausea in me; I feel strong emotions very physically), I had some really solid insights about who I am in relation with my partner, and what I need/want out of a relationship. Tough stuff–for me, anyway. (kind of a new realization: I’ve never actually had a fulfilling relationship (present relationship included), but it’s possible, now more than ever, with this partner or no one.
Now, the sharing…
The first thing that occurs to me with the Guiding Thought, especially after what I just wrote about my relationship, is that Fulfillment stands apart from the relationship. “Fulfillment is“. There are no qualifiers here; it’s not here sometimes and not other times. Fulfillment is.
But it’s not now; I may be fulfilled in my Divine Self, but the unfulfillment in my relationship glares too brightly in my face, and in this physical body/relationship, the Divine Fulfillment does not come through.
By my own understanding and teaching, if the “out there” (in this case the relationship) is not right, there’s something in here (inside myself) that needs to change. If I open enough to Love, the Divine will pour forth, righting all, straightening all paths. It has not done this for me in the past because I’ve never thought that I could; I’ve never even thought that I could actually have a fulfilling relationship. What does that even mean!??
I’ve just never thought that something was not right out there. I’ve never thought about trying to be fulfilled in a relationship. I’ve always just taken what has come and tried to be happy (and I’ve been pretty happy, afterall, my moon is in Sagittarius–we are resiliently happy folks).
Here’s my thinking: I should be able to simply be fulfilled, with no reference to anything or anyone. I should be able to rise above worldly cares, be all, bring love and light to a situation and be fulfilled. I should be able to call forth my Divine Self and be all that I need or want, because I already am all I need or want. I AM.
Four thoughts come to mind.
- “Don’t should on yourself” (thanks, Judy).
- I’m not a monk–as my partner recently reminded me. Monks sit in a cave with no relationships. There are no dynamics, no bumps, no surprises, no mutual feelings, no stimuli, no push-pulls that prod and nudge and swiftly kick a monk. A relationship has all these…and more.
- The fact that I am thinking about that I could have a fulfilling relationship is huge. I mean…really. Think about that. I bet there are lots of people who go through life assuming that there is some fulfillment in a relationship. Not getting fulfillment but expecting it is very different than having no concept what so ever that a relationship can actually be fulfilling.
- I feel like I have found a place where I have restricted the flow of the Divine in my life. I have limited the Divine. I have been unconscious about all of the possibilities for fulfillment, and all of the good the Divine wants to flow forth from me. I now have an opportunity to expand and allow more of the Divine in my life.
Thank you for being here. Do you think it might be an intense Journey?