Hangry Hangry Ego -Fulfillment (1.6.27)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Our Joy unifies! Accepting our Joy—acknowledging it, sharing it, and expressing it—heals us and All. To be wholly Joyful means to be wholly Love…means to be wholly our Self.

This day, first Journey of Fulfillment, 2014
This day, second Journey of Fulfillment, 2016
One year ago–
The Hum of Harmony Journey of Peace 2017– Day 24

Sharing   

I’ve had a very enlightening breakthrough, unlike any other I’ve experienced in 5 years of Journeying. This breakthrough is threefold.

  1. The content of the breakthrough
  2. My awareness of the content
  3. My understanding of how I have been lead to this point

All three of these go together, so here’s the story:

This begins all the way back on Day 1 of this Journey, when I was working out why this Journey is important to me. I wrote, “I must do nothing, and in doing nothing All is well. Everything is fulfilled. This, then, is Why a Journey of Fulfillment: Because All is fulfilled. All is filled full. I must do nothing. I have no goal, no sense for accomplishment, no want, no desire, beyond recognizing what is.”

This has been very difficult to maintain. Try doing nothing. Try taking no action to accomplish anything, taking no action to change a situation, doing nothing because “it’s good for you”. Try not doing anything spontaneously, impulsively, or habitually. Try to have no intention, other than living in the moment and recognizing Truth in that moment.

This is how I’ve been (not) acting. I have removed intention; I’ve removed having a goal; I’ve stopped wanting something, anything. I desire no particular outcome. Just over 3 weeks I’ve been doing this.

I feel the tug to do something. I stop myself from doing it. I feel like “this would be so cool”, and I stop myself from doing it. I think, “OH, but wouldn’t it be nice if >this happened< as a result of me >doing this<” and I don’t do it.

I can’t say it’s been hard, so much as it has taken great vigilance to recognize all the times that I want to do something in order to get something, then stopping myself. This speaks to #2 above: my awareness of  the content. I have had to really stay on top of myself, on top of my impulses, my reasons for wanting to do something, so that I could make an informed decision in the moment. 3 weeks of this, day in, day out.

Then, (this is the being lead part), I was listening to A Course in Miracles, and I heard this (I will distill this for you below…):

Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you. For although the ego urges you again and again to get, it leaves you nothing, for what you get it will demand of you. And even from the very hands that grasped it, it will be wrenched and hurled into the dust. For where the ego sees salvation it sees separation, and so you lose whatever you have gotten in its name. Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you. For what you think you need will merely serve to tighten up your world against the light, and render you unwilling to question the value that this world can really hold for you. (Text is here.)

Often, ACIM is pretty dense, and I can only process bits and pieces of it at a time. Here are the bits and pieces that sunk in, deeply:

Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you…Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you.

This happened maybe 3 days ago. These words have been playing over and over in my head since then.

And then I realized. This is why I must do nothing. Anything I choose will hurt me, because my wants and needs are still dominated by ego. Or, in terms of ACIM, my mind still contains conflict, and while the conflict persists I cannot choose clearly, wholly (Holy), and purely. [FYI, the solution to this, according to ACIM, is to turn decisions over to the Holy Spirit, saying something like (for example): “The Holy Spirit leads me unto Christ, and where else would I go? What need have I but to awake in Him?”]

Then, over the past 24 hours, my impulse to do something shifted. Doing, as I’d been thinking of/experiencing it, meant taking an action, something physical. Over the past 24 hours, I began recognizing mental and emotional habits that were arising in order to get me to feel or think something.

It was not immediate, but after a relatively short time, I realized these thoughts/feelings were very similar to the physical impulses I’d been aware of these past three weeks. They have the same energy signature, so to say.

They were trying to convince me that my feelings were right (righteous), and that I needed to hold a grudge, feel used/abused/confused, feel put upon, angry, betrayed, and isolated. And do you see how those feelings are pretty obviously of the lower self? And yet, there was a part of me trying to convince me that I should claim (as in act upon) those feelings. That if I just let myself feel (and feel self-righteous in those feelings), I will gain, I will get something, I will win.

Thank goodness for my vigilance of the past 3 weeks; I called bullshit, and halted the “action” associated with those feelings.

Then, just today I had another amazing realization. By doing nothing, I am starving my ego. It has no control, it has no power, I am taking away what it feeds upon. I would not have understood this, if I hadn’t just spent 3 weeks denying it food. By diligently halting all actions associated with my lower self (including thoughts/feelings), I have loosened its power in ways that I don’t think I can even understand right now. I can just feel it. My lower self is pissed off, and hungry. Hangry. And it is doing everything it can in a last-ditch effort to try to get me to feed it, to strengthen it.

Thank God for awareness, understanding, and vigilance.

I don’t know where this now will lead. There are 12 days left to this Journey. A lot can happen. I look forward to finding out, and sharing with you!

I’ll leave you with this quote, in gratitude to you, from the same page of ACIM:

Healing in time is needed, for joy cannot establish its eternal reign where sorrow dwells. You dwell not here, but in eternity… Give thanks to every part of you that you have taught how to remember you. Thus does the Son of God give thanks unto his Father for his purity.

 

 

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  1. Hire me as your Spiritual Coach, you may sign up for a personalized Journey with me Click here for more information. Or I offer 1-on-1 spiritual coaching sessions. This is non-religion specific, and open to everyone, even atheists, though of course we would call something like “self-analysis coach” for a self-identified atheist.
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No-thing-ness -Abundance (1.5.17)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Your consciousness is the gateway through which Divine Love flows, materializing your infinite Supply. Be now conscious of your own Inner Divine Presence—Infinite Love—expressing through you, providing you with the means to be aware, to understand, and to know It as your Self– more and more!

Sharing

I aspire to be nothing, no-thing.

No-thing: the emptiness of mind, the emptiness of space. Eternal Peace.

Only ego wants something, some-thing.

Only ego wants to fill nothing with some-thing.

Filling nothing with something encroaches upon Peace,

not eliminating it, but gentrifying its residence, being inhospitable to it.

Peace recedes, withdraws, becomes smaller and smaller, more faint, more distant, forgotten.

Like faeries and elves.

I aspire to Peace, to no-thing-ness,

so I remove the things from my mind–these thoughts, these worries, these burdens;

so I remove the things from my heart, these attachments, these desires, these needs.

Ego responds and says,

But then…

Who are you? 

You’ve never been without thoughts, worries, burdens, attachments, desires, needs.

Who are you, if I you are not these things?

Who are you if you are not some thing? 

Ego makes a good point (to itself). A part of me (that ego part) listens and grows fearful–who would I be without these things? I want to be something, don’t I?

Don’t I?

Above all else, I want Peace.

Above all else I want no-thing.

Wanting no-thing / wanting Peace; these are the same.

 

The Voice for God -Healing (1.4.33)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

I rely on my own Loving Presence to lead and guide me toward the meaning of healing. Seeking the meaning of healing frames all my activity and gives context to all my interactions. Though I may encounter disturbances throughout my daily activity, I lay them at the feet of my own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? My own Loving Presence directs me as I listen in the stillness.

Reflection

Healing is not creating; it is reparation. The Holy Spirit promotes healing by looking beyond it to what the children of God were before healing was needed, and will be when they have been healed…The Holy Spirit is in you in a very literal sense. His is the Voice that calls you back to where you were before, and will be again. It is possible even in this world to hear only that Voice and no other. It takes effort and great willingness to learn. (A Course in Miracles, Chapter 5)

Here is what stands out to me today, both in the Guiding Thought, and in the Course in Miracles quote (which came up for me earlier today, out of the blue):

When a person seeks for healing, the seeking need not be blind, haphazard, arbitrary, or random. There are guides who know and can guide one to healing.

…but, “It takes effort and great willingness to learn”, which may be why healing seems like looking for a needle in a haystack. Most people a) don’t know where to turn for True help (one’s own Loving Presence and/or the Holy Spirit) and b) don’t want to make the effort. (Let me just note, that I am not conflating “Loving Presence” with “Holy Spirit”; however, I would assert that a person’s Loving Presence is the inner channel–a person’s personal radio-station, let’s say–to tune into the Holy Spirit.)

In other words, we don’t know what we are doing when it comes to healing. We try this, we try that; we listen to this guru, try that affirmation, take these pills, go on that retreat, buy this product, then that product, then the next product…because we don’t know what to do, so we have to try it all until “something works”. And here and there, something does work…we heal a bit, or feel a bit better, or get more energy, or relieve some pain.

This is why healing seems random and arbitrary, and sometimes is temporary. We are looking without a guide who Knows. Sure, some gurus, physicians, healers, can tap into Divine Source and give us really good information (which is then up to us to put into action); sometimes there are people who can help us connect with the Holy Spirit; but we have to find them, and in the meantime, the rest is trial and error. (See this page and this page for things that I find to “work” and that I use regularly to heal body-mind-soul…and to connect with God).

Until we go to the source of healing, the Voice of the Holy Spirit, and turn to God, we are relying on incomplete or inaccurate information; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. God–the Holy Spirit–always works. We just have to make the effort.

With this, I now have an even better understanding for why we begin each round of this Journey with really hammering home that healing needs to be approached “forgetting” everything we think we know, with empty hands, and as a blank slate.

We have to drop everything so that there is only the Holy Spirit’s Voice.

Every Day a Better Day -Healing (1.4.25)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Our own Loving Presence is our personal connection with Divine Mind. Attuned to our own Loving Presence, we Know ourselves as Whole and Holy. As we feel our Inner Unity, we know: this is all we want; we have found all we seek.

Reflection

Between 2005 and 2013 I studied A Course in Miracles pretty intensely. I don’t mean that I stopped at doing the daily lessons. I did those, then I read the text, took notes and wrote…and wrote…and wrote. That was before I was doing the Journeys. In a way, at least a portion of these Journeys grew out of that study. Part of what I wanted (and still want) to do with the Journeys is to do a cross-reference research project for a bunch of the themes in ACIM, to answer questions like, “How does purpose relate to atonement“? or “How does atonement relate to forgiveness“? or “How does forgiveness relate to healing“? or “How does healing relate to purpose“? You see how nicely that would fit within the framework of the Journeys? Everything is interconnected; each “theme” gives insight into other “themes” and those links bring greater understanding to both those themes and all others.

I had the good fortune at that time of having a flexible job schedule, and often did not have to be out of the house until 10 or 11 am. I would read-study-write from 5 or 6 am until 9 or 10. I would be completely absorbed, completely focused, never getting tired, but rather getting energized. I remember often thinking, “This is all I want; this is all I want to do”.

That feeling, “this is all I want; this is all I want to do” has recurred in my life more broadly with spiritual practices, and spiritual writing and studying.

As with a lot of spiritual practices, like meditation, the practices connect a person to their Loving Presence, their link to Divine Mine, their link to their own Inner Divine.

It’s a great place to hang out, there, with your own Loving Presence. It’s a high, really. I was thinking earlier today that it’s sort of like the runners high: you have to push through certain mental (chemical-hormonal-energetic) barriers, but once you get into “the zone” it feels amazing and you can just coast for hours, and the high carries you through other parts of your day and life.

Another similarity with running is that, like an endorphin high, the spiritual high eventually wears off. We go out into the world, where there is drama, among people who do not connect with their Loving Presence, who don’t and can’t understand wholeness, unity, compassion…so we end up not only losing the high, but expending more energy to protect ourselves from an onslaught of other people’s emotional energy. It’s a good day when I don’t get sucked down; it’s a better day when I can not only maintain my own Inner Harmony, but can also share it with others–where I can actually perceive that their energy is lifted and lightened through our interaction.

believe that we–all people– are headed to a time when the high does not wear off and every day is a better day. I think that the intense emotional energy in the world right now is a mass purging. All the crap is coming to the surface, so that it can go away for good.

More people are meditating. More people are doing spiritual practices. More people are realizing that it’s a great place to be, connected with Love, connected with others through Love.

What takes you to your zone? What are the practices that you do that take you to the place where you say, “This is all I want”? If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. It’s there, waiting for you.

Yoke of Light -Healing (1.4.19)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

You are the Light of Love. Light saturates your mind and body, surrounding every thought, and radiating out to All. Everything radiates Light in return. Everywhere is Light. Rest in Peace, in Being Light.

Reflection

“Rest in peace” is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping. Sleep is withdrawing; waking is joining. (A Course in Miracles)

Do not underestimate your power.

“your” power.

it’s not really “yours”, is it?

Do not underestimate the You of you.

Do not underestimate the power of Love and Light.

Yes, you are “just one person”.

So, what can you do?

You can be.

You can be who you are.

Do not underestimate who you are.

Do you know who you are? Do you know the depth, beauty, power, of You?

If you do not have an inkling, the tiniest bit of awareness or understanding of the enormity of Love and Light that is You,

then you are asleep, withdrawn from All that You Are.

But there is a part of you that does have this inkling. There is a part of you that nudges you, pushes you when It can,

to be more of Who You Are.

to be It.

You know this.

You are not asleep.

But neither are you awake.

Yet.

Remember that “yoke” means “join together,” and “burden” means “message.” Let us restate “My yoke is easy and my burden light” in this way; “Let us join together, for my message is light.” (A Course in Miracles)

 

We can get through this. -Healing (1.4.13)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing. Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions. Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.

Reflection

Today is a step-by-step day. So much of this Guiding Thought feels immediately relevant…one piece at a time:

Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing. 

I think of my Loving Presence as that which connects me with God. Sometimes I feel like I cannot connect directly with God, and so my Loving Presence acts as an intermediary. Sometimes I feel open enough and worthy enough to communicate directly with (what I think of as) God, and so my Loving Presence becomes that relationship, without the need for an intermediary.

Either way, I am constantly praying/talking to/looking up/in for my own Loving Presence and/or God.

I commented to a friend earlier today that I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God. This has not always been the case. Have I been guided and directed in the past? Yes. Absolutely. Have I trusted it? Yes–even then, yes. But here’s the clincher: in the past, when I have trusted the guidance and direction, there was not so much at stake; somehow life was “easier”, so trusting was “easier”.

Now… there is a lot going on in the world. The energy is amplified. Emotions are amplified. There is more “good” and more “bad” visibly mixing–and not always in peaceful ways. For many people there is so much at stake. Whether it is belief systems, political systems, a way of life, integrity, ego, families, jobs, the future…whatever it is for each individual person…something big is at stake. So everyone’s self-interest (or perceived self-interest) is clashing.

Now, trusting the Loving Presence to guide and direct is not easy, because there is so much swirling, constant chaos. How does one slow down enough from all of this crap going on in the world to listen, to pay attention, to follow any guidance?

It is within this context that I can say, “I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God”.

know that I am being guided. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around it, or to know exactly what to do or when to do it. But my faith and trust are stronger than they’ve ever been.

Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions.

Why? Why do this? Why seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all my activity and interactions?

Because sickness is Lovelessness. Sickness is separation. Sickness is apathy. These things permeate the world right now. It is up to us to eradicate them. How do we eradicate them? By seeking healing. Every moment. Every day. Every interaction. Seek Love. Seek Unity. Seek Care and Compassion.

Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”?

Today I have not “encountered disturbances”. Today has been one continuous disturbance. What is wrong with people? What is wrong with the World–with the United States in particular–that children are traumatized as families are torn apart?

This is not a time for attaching to these emotions. It’s a time to be aware. be alert. and seek healing.

I have laid these disturbances at the feet of my own Loving Presence through constantly reminding myself

  • I do not understand anything I see
  • These thoughts do not mean anything.
  • My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.
  • I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
  • A meaningless world engenders fear.
  • God did not create a meaningless world.

All of this crap going on in the world is a mass purging. Vomit is not pleasant, but generally you feel better afterward. What we are experiencing is the vomit–and who knows how long this will go on. But see it for what it is, let it all out, and know that the vomit is not the end game–it’s just a way to get us to feeling better.

Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.

Just keep on with this. It can be difficult to listen in stillness when there is so much high-emotion going on everywhere, with everyone. It’s hard to get centered, hard to remain centered. Just do the best you can. Listen as best you can. Know that your own Loving Presence is directing you. All is as it should be (believe it or not). Do your best. Keep seeking. Keep going. Have faith, as you have never had it before.

Good Enough -Healing (1.4.10)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

I give today to Light. I feel the Light within pour forth; I feel my radiance, my glow. I see—with my inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all I encounter, all my words, and all my actions. I watch as others resonate with me, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of my own. To all beings and all situations today, I offer only light, and learn, as I do, the Wholeness of my Self.

Reflection

One follow-up comment from yesterday: Yesterday, I mentioned feeling angry and embarrassed at being wrong about a practice I have been doing for a very long time. There is a flip side to those feelings: I also feel more free and very grateful. I acknowledge that doing the practice in the way that I was doing it (the “wrong” way), I learned, I grew; it lead me; it got me to a new place; ultimately, it accomplished what practices accomplish–moving me through ego-burdens and showing me a new level, or state, of Freedom. But then I outgrew the “wrong” way, and I’ve have now been given the next level, the next step.

In A Course in Miracles, there is a reassurance that not only does the Holy Spirit unify all, but It also utilizes everything for Its Highest Purpose, when those things are given to It. Even in doing the practices “wrong”, my intention has always been: purification, nearness to God, for the benefit of All, with everything offered to God. I feel like I’ve received a tangible demonstration for “how this works”. And for that I am truly grateful.

Today

want to be a vehicle through which the Divine enters the world to love and serve All Life. But, there is a bit of a paradox here that I have been mentally working through (on and off) for a while, and today’s Guiding Thought has brought it up.

Here it is, as best I can explain it: “I” cannot do anything for the Divine to enter the world or, as the Guiding Thought indicates, to give Light. If “I” do something, then whatever I give is not of Light, or of the Divine. “I” must put myself aside, so that IT (the Divine, or Love, or Light) is doing what It does naturally, without me, yet through me.

There are two examples that I turn to when mulling this over. The first is something my Reiki master says: Reiki is always available. You do not “push” the energy, you do not “give” the energy. You make the energy available, simply by being. It’s the other person’s body/energy that recognizes the energy is available, and then pulls it through you”. 

The second is the fifth Principle of Miracles: Miracles are habits, and should be involuntary. They should not be under conscious control. Consciously selected miracles can be misguided. 

In both of these examples “I” am not in control; “I” am not doing anything. If “I” do something the energy is impure, or misguided.

But have prepared. I have attuned my energy and my chakras to receive and transmit Reiki; and I have purified, and continue to do so, to allow the Holy Spirit to direct miracles through me (the seventh Principle of Miracles: “Miracles are everyone’s right, but purification is necessary first”).

Even though I understand these things intellectually, through these two examples, I find that in a more general sense–like the Guiding Thought– “I” continue to want to do something…which would only inhibit what I really want to accomplish, because if “I” do something, we’re back to impure or misguided.

It does not help that with Reiki, with Miracles, and with being a vehicle for the Divine to enter the world it often happens that you don’t get to see (or perceive) the results. Speaking for myself, this leads me to wonder, “Is anything happening?” “Did ‘I’ do anything?” “Was anything accomplished?” “Why do I spend so much time purifying/praying/making myself ‘ready’?”

I never actually “see—with my inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all I encounter”; I never “watch as others resonate with me, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of my own.” To me, these are visualizations that promote the feeling of what happens, but they are not literal (have you had a different experience?).

This is why it’s easy (I think) for people to not be diligent, to not be faithful, to think that this energy-stuff is all hooey. I get it, really I do.

What I can do–and what is important to me today about the Guiding Thought–is that I can give today to Light–all my thoughts, words, feelings, and actions can be dedicated and devoted to Light.

As for me, I choose to believe it. I choose to believe that when I invoke light, light shows up. When It shows up, it’s available for Everyone, should their bodies and energy choose to pull it in, should their Higher Selves choose to utilize it (and why wouldn’t they!?), should the Holy Spirit choose to direct it on behalf of the Divine.

I have to admit, I believe also that I have come a long way in learning about Love, learning about Wholeness, learning about my Self, because I practice this. Maybe this is merely a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe nothing is “happening”. But I would rather spend my time and energy promoting Love, Peace, Wholeness, Healing than anything else. That’s good enough for me.