Persevere (Heart- 1.1.35)

Journey of the Heart – Day 35
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

I bring my awareness to my heart and resonate with its love. Naturally and easily my heart-love radiates through me. Love is present now—rippling in to the future, releasing the past.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


5 days remaining to the Journey.

It’s been a Journey. I started in a pretty good place. I felt in-tune and intuitive. I felt connected.

Then things kind of mellowed out in round two. I felt the hum-drums, the repetition, which generally puts me in the frame of mind of “what am I doing?”, “what’s the point?”.


The past 2 weeks have been intense, probably more so than I have shared here. I’ve been not myself, so to say. It’s been a time of feeling like a weight has surrounded me. My energy, emotions, mental state have all been heavy and weighed down.

Although the overall feeling was non-specific, the emotions that came up have been about failure, derived from the uncertainty of what to do, and what to do next. Feeling overwhelmed with simple, “normal” things like working on the computer, doing laundry, or or deciding how to prioritize my work and schedule.

Sometimes it’s really hard to be self-aware. I know what I am feeling, can observe myself and how “I” am affecting me. But what good does this do, if I don’t know what to do about it?

This has been a recurring theme in my life. I always know on some level that I can feel better; that I can be better. So why aren’t I, during such weighty times? Am I supposed to just wait and do nothing, or am I supposed to figure something out through rigorous analysis, practice, or other “work”? Do nothing, or do something?

I don’t know the answer. All I know is I keep going. I have my standard practices that, regardless of what’s going on, I do them. Could I do more? probably. And I do, when I can. But sometimes I don’t have the motivation, the stamina, the will power to do more. So I tell myself to be consistent with what I know, with what I do. I think this is called faith. Just keep going.

And it works. Somehow. I had a huge emotional release two days ago. At the time I felt like a basket case, was a huge mess. I was lethargic, raw, fragile, ripped open, on the verge of tears sometimes spilling over, wanted to crawl into darkness and curl up in a ball. Thank you to the support I received from family and friends who were with me in spirit, breathing with me.

The lifting began. slowly. I think I am going “up” again. I feel more myself than I have in several weeks, lighter, less weight.

I always wonder, at times like this what I did to get through it? Did do anything, or is it grace, time passing, or perseverance in the practices? Maybe all of the above.

Or maybe it’s day 35 of a 40 day Journey, and the building momentum is finding its resolution.


Magnetize, Assimilate, Extend, Expand. (Heart- 1.1.34)

Journey of the Heart – Day 34
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Oh, my beautiful blissful heart! How can I deepen and expand my relationship with you? How can I give your love, your wisdom, your compassion more openly and freely? How can I know you, my heart of love, as myself?

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls- 


“The language of art is the language of the heart.”

Simply doing this Journey–by taking time everyday to listen to the Guiding Thoughts, which focus on the heart, and drawing/coloring while doing so–answers the questions in the Guiding Thought.

The questions are the answer. Literally.

Today I am finding it incredibly humorous that 10 days ago I was aggravated with these very same questions. I was answering the questions by virtue of asking them, and totally annoyed by it. At least I realized the next day that “you do it by doing it”.

Here’s what I was thinking about today for the drawing:

There are high vibrations of Divine Love “up there”, waaaaaay “up there”, in the figurative clouds at the top of the picture. The vibrations and frequencies “up there” are waiting for us to reach up to them and pull them down.

The brown triangles are “me” (or “you” or “us”).

The tornado/spiral thing is my intention to reach up into the clouds and pull down those higher frequencies. My very intention is enough to pull them in, and once they are caught in the tornado, it conducts them right down into me.

Once “in” me, the vibrations/frequencies become concentrated, and collect in my heart-center.

From there, I am able to throw out the frequencies/vibrations of Pure, Divine Love into all the world.

I reach up, magnetize, assimilate, then extend, expand, and share Divine Love. It’s a rhythmic cycle of equal receiving/sharing. I receive. I share. What I share then returns to become again what I receive.

Everything is energy. Energy is everything. It’s all flowing into me, through me, around me. Love is all there is.


Vertical Alignment (Heart- 1.1.32)

Journey of the Heart – Day 32
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Today I decide to give my heart reign. Trusting in love, assured with its gentle comfort, I invite my heart to lead me with joy and peace to joy and peace. I surrender my mind and will to my heart’s love.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-





These words are said so often together in this way these days.

Links in a chain. Separate but connected.

Work on something mental.

Then do some emotional work.

Then exercise the body.

Commune with Spirit.

Words linked together–“Emotions-body-mind-spirit”– give the impression of a linear, horizontal relationship. But that’s not right. The relationship is vertical, and exists at the same point on all levels.





Any “work” done with the body is the work of spirit; any “work” done with Spirit is the work of mind-emotions-body.

The energy can be perceived as ripples or waves throughout our being, when energy moves or is transformed. These waves perceptually move up and down all points immediately and simultaneously. The effect is everywhere, in everything, all at once.

Everything is energy. Energy is everything. Each ripple is the microcosm of the macrocosm, the fractal within the Fractal, the wave within the ocean, a ray of the Sun.



Progression of the First Maxim (Heart- 1.1.29)

Journey of the Heart – Day 29
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Gratitude strikes our hearts like a bell, resounding love through our being. Gratitude opens our hearts to Love’s purity, our very own essence! We experience such deep gratitude for our hearts, our essence, our ALL of Life!

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


What are the highest thoughts you can think today? Right now, this minute?

When you think high thoughts, can you have a corresponding creative/imaginative picture of how to live and act those thoughts? Can you access a creative/imaginative picture of what the world would be like if everyone lived and acted from your highest thoughts? Or their highest thoughts?

These types of questions take Kant’s first maxim of the categorical imperative one step further.

The first maxim is this: Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.

Here is what that means: Whatever action you are taking, or wanting to take, imagine that everyone in the world (this is the “universal law” part) behaved the same way. If everyone behaves that way, is the world a better place…or not?

If your actions can be universalized, improving life conditions for everyone in the world without harm, then by the first maxim the action is moral and “right”.

  • Do I have one more drink before I hit the road? What if everyone right now did this? Probably not the best turn out.
  • Getting home from a bad day at work, I yell at my spouse and child, alienating them and disrupting the family’s time together. What if everyone did this?
  • I feel empty inside. I eat a quart of ice cream. What if everyone filled emotional needs this way.

The thing is, with these examples, the situations are common enough even now that in the United States, they are familiar if not acceptable. But they are so familiar because people do not universalize the maxim. They think of immediate self-need and don’t think about the effects their actions have on people around them, much less the larger world.

If more people followed the simple line of questioning in the first maxim before they acted, the world would change overnight.

So, maybe the world isn’t ready yet to take Kant one step further to imagine the highest thoughts and actions and universalize those. We are still making our way through mind mud of everyday stress, relationships, and activities.

But it’s something to strive for, dontcha think?


The Love You Are (Heart- 1.1.28)

Journey of the Heart – Day 28
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Love-as-light streams from our hearts to all hearts! We are connected by Love; we are One in Love. Imagine these streams of love-as-light connecting with everyone in time and space. Imagine receiving these streams of love-as-light as they return to you from everyone in time and space. This is enough. We are One.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


What is Love?

Love is friendship, deep care for one another, great affection, sweet emotions, and respect for one another. (paraphrased from Joseph Barry Martin, Living in Two Worlds)

What is Love?

  • In Heaven, where the meaning of love is known, love is the same as union.
  • Perfect Love is the atonement.
  • Love is guiltlessness.
  • Love is not an illusion. It is a fact…love is wholly without illusion, and therefore wholly without fear.
  • Love is freedom.
  • Love is not learned. Its meaning lies within itself. And learning ends when you have recognized all it is not. That is the interference; that is what needs to be undone. Love is not learned, because there never was a time in which you knew it not. (A Course in Miracles)

What is Love?

Love is a state of complete acceptance–knowing the acceptance of yourself to All of Life, and accepting All of Life as it accepts you. (Susanwithpearls, in response to today’s Guiding Thought)

Be the Love you are; root out anything unlike It and transform those things with the Light of Love.


Ancestral Wisdom (Heart- 1.1.20)

Journey of the Heart – Day 20
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Your heart-love establishes your inner-peace. Solidly grounded in your own inner-peace, you approach all of life with love, compassion, and wisdom. Live as your Self, shining with the beauty of the Love you are!

Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


As usual, I began today’s picture without knowing where I was headed with it; it unfolded with each new element. All I knew is that there were upward  triangles and horizontal lines.

I did the triangles first because, though I could “sense” the horizontal lines, I did not know how/where they were placed; and it felt more specific today than it usually does. I could not haphazard a guess at where or how the horizontal lines were placed (like I usually do); the horizontal lines were to be specifically placed.

Once I got the triangles done, I did the outer-most horizontal lines; at that point I still did not know where the rest of the lines were going to go. Only when I finished the first set of horizontal lines (the outer-most) did I “see” where the next set was going to go. By the time those were done, I knew I had a pattern.

Then I was able to relax into the pattern, and as I did so, I felt myself connect to something different than “just” the Guiding Thought. In doing the pattern, I was calling up an inner connection to ancient (in America, we may say “native”) peoples; people who used lines and geometry in their pottery, weaving, and painting. I felt the rhythm of the pattern, if that makes any sense. I felt something that was “not me” and was “not the Guiding Thought”.

I was connected to that something, but I can not tell you what it is, or much more about how it felt, other than it was rhythmic and expansive.

When I was done with the horizontal lines, I felt like I wanted to do some of my “streaming upward lines”, but I usually ask the picture what it wants, or “what’s next”? The answer was clear: it’s done. There is complexity in the simplicity of this picture. There is beauty in simplicity. Let it be. 




EffervEssence (Heart- 1.1.19)

Journey of the Heart – Day 19
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Gratitude strikes your heart like a bell, resounding love through your being. Gratitude opens your heart to Love’s purity, your very own essence! Experience such deep gratitude for your heart, your essence, your ALL of Life!

Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


There have been two times, over the past six months, that I’ve experienced “karma” or “energy” or “emotional crap” (I am not sure what to call it) lift up and leave my body/energy field.

The first time was shortly after I did the mundan, and I had done a fire ceremony. I don’t even remember what the “crap” was that I had been holding on to, but all of the sudden, I felt it evaporate. It was as though something material and heavy in my energy shifted, and floated up and out of my energy field. I felt it, and thought, “huh. That’s new”.

The second time was just yesterday. We all carry with us things we learned, or inherited through our family-line (at least we carry it…until we don’t). I’ve been noticing energies that I can identify as things that have been with me for years, that I can see having their origins in my parents, grandparents, maybe (probably) further back.

I was in one of those dunking booth moments, totally immersed in a chaotic emotion. But. I was also watching myself be immersed in the chaotic emotion: in the water and on the platform at the same time:

I felt sorry for myself. SO SO sorry for myself. “Woe is me”. “Nobody loves me”. “Nobody cares”. “If they did they’d…>fill in the blank<…” “If I were lovable someone would…>fill in the blank<. ” Boooo hooooo hoooooo.

I had been in and out of this state for a few days…no, longer… I knew the energy was “not mine”; I knew it was something that I was feeling, but it was not something I believed in, claimed, or identified with. But I was in it.

Sometimes it’s really hard to know what to do to get out when you are so deep in it. Sometimes it’s scary, cause I wonder if I will get out of it. Sometimes it feels like I want to be there, like I want to self-sabotage, and feel sorry for myself, and then I wonder what the hell that is all about.

All of this was going on in that fateful moment.

Then, the part of me that was watching myself go through the emotional contortions, finally, finally got leverage to pull myself out. I remember exactly the thought that gave me the leverage: “It’s not fair to my relatives who carry this, that I should continue it; it’s not fair to the people I project this onto.”

In that thought, I felt a profound sense of duty and obligation. Other people don’t deserve my bullshit. They may not even know, but that doesn’t matter. I have a duty to discontinue my own BS, to save others from guilt/blame/shame, and maybe even to break the chain of inherited BS.

I don’t know why I turned to the meditation that I did, but I immediately thought, “Transmute, transmute, by the violet fire, all causes and cores not of God’s desire. I am a being of Cause alone. That Cause is Love, the sacred tone.”

I said it once. And the bullshit lifted. Seriously, it was just gone. here…and then…not here. poof. In that instance, everything changed. I changed.

I continued saying the meditation a few times for good measure anyway.

I have read about how things can happen “in the twinkling of an eye”. I know A Course in Miracles talks about things like walking through the veil, or pushing aside the clouds. I’ve now had two experiences with this. It really can be that simple. Crap can just go away. Just like that. Gone.