Persevere (Heart- 1.1.35)

Journey of the Heart – Day 35
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

I bring my awareness to my heart and resonate with its love. Naturally and easily my heart-love radiates through me. Love is present now—rippling in to the future, releasing the past.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


5 days remaining to the Journey.

It’s been a Journey. I started in a pretty good place. I felt in-tune and intuitive. I felt connected.

Then things kind of mellowed out in round two. I felt the hum-drums, the repetition, which generally puts me in the frame of mind of “what am I doing?”, “what’s the point?”.


The past 2 weeks have been intense, probably more so than I have shared here. I’ve been not myself, so to say. It’s been a time of feeling like a weight has surrounded me. My energy, emotions, mental state have all been heavy and weighed down.

Although the overall feeling was non-specific, the emotions that came up have been about failure, derived from the uncertainty of what to do, and what to do next. Feeling overwhelmed with simple, “normal” things like working on the computer, doing laundry, or or deciding how to prioritize my work and schedule.

Sometimes it’s really hard to be self-aware. I know what I am feeling, can observe myself and how “I” am affecting me. But what good does this do, if I don’t know what to do about it?

This has been a recurring theme in my life. I always know on some level that I can feel better; that I can be better. So why aren’t I, during such weighty times? Am I supposed to just wait and do nothing, or am I supposed to figure something out through rigorous analysis, practice, or other “work”? Do nothing, or do something?

I don’t know the answer. All I know is I keep going. I have my standard practices that, regardless of what’s going on, I do them. Could I do more? probably. And I do, when I can. But sometimes I don’t have the motivation, the stamina, the will power to do more. So I tell myself to be consistent with what I know, with what I do. I think this is called faith. Just keep going.

And it works. Somehow. I had a huge emotional release two days ago. At the time I felt like a basket case, was a huge mess. I was lethargic, raw, fragile, ripped open, on the verge of tears sometimes spilling over, wanted to crawl into darkness and curl up in a ball. Thank you to the support I received from family and friends who were with me in spirit, breathing with me.

The lifting began. slowly. I think I am going “up” again. I feel more myself than I have in several weeks, lighter, less weight.

I always wonder, at times like this what I did to get through it? Did do anything, or is it grace, time passing, or perseverance in the practices? Maybe all of the above.

Or maybe it’s day 35 of a 40 day Journey, and the building momentum is finding its resolution.


Vertical Alignment (Heart- 1.1.32)

Journey of the Heart – Day 32
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Today I decide to give my heart reign. Trusting in love, assured with its gentle comfort, I invite my heart to lead me with joy and peace to joy and peace. I surrender my mind and will to my heart’s love.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-





These words are said so often together in this way these days.

Links in a chain. Separate but connected.

Work on something mental.

Then do some emotional work.

Then exercise the body.

Commune with Spirit.

Words linked together–“Emotions-body-mind-spirit”– give the impression of a linear, horizontal relationship. But that’s not right. The relationship is vertical, and exists at the same point on all levels.





Any “work” done with the body is the work of spirit; any “work” done with Spirit is the work of mind-emotions-body.

The energy can be perceived as ripples or waves throughout our being, when energy moves or is transformed. These waves perceptually move up and down all points immediately and simultaneously. The effect is everywhere, in everything, all at once.

Everything is energy. Energy is everything. Each ripple is the microcosm of the macrocosm, the fractal within the Fractal, the wave within the ocean, a ray of the Sun.



Progression of the First Maxim (Heart- 1.1.29)

Journey of the Heart – Day 29
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Gratitude strikes our hearts like a bell, resounding love through our being. Gratitude opens our hearts to Love’s purity, our very own essence! We experience such deep gratitude for our hearts, our essence, our ALL of Life!

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


What are the highest thoughts you can think today? Right now, this minute?

When you think high thoughts, can you have a corresponding creative/imaginative picture of how to live and act those thoughts? Can you access a creative/imaginative picture of what the world would be like if everyone lived and acted from your highest thoughts? Or their highest thoughts?

These types of questions take Kant’s first maxim of the categorical imperative one step further.

The first maxim is this: Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.

Here is what that means: Whatever action you are taking, or wanting to take, imagine that everyone in the world (this is the “universal law” part) behaved the same way. If everyone behaves that way, is the world a better place…or not?

If your actions can be universalized, improving life conditions for everyone in the world without harm, then by the first maxim the action is moral and “right”.

  • Do I have one more drink before I hit the road? What if everyone right now did this? Probably not the best turn out.
  • Getting home from a bad day at work, I yell at my spouse and child, alienating them and disrupting the family’s time together. What if everyone did this?
  • I feel empty inside. I eat a quart of ice cream. What if everyone filled emotional needs this way.

The thing is, with these examples, the situations are common enough even now that in the United States, they are familiar if not acceptable. But they are so familiar because people do not universalize the maxim. They think of immediate self-need and don’t think about the effects their actions have on people around them, much less the larger world.

If more people followed the simple line of questioning in the first maxim before they acted, the world would change overnight.

So, maybe the world isn’t ready yet to take Kant one step further to imagine the highest thoughts and actions and universalize those. We are still making our way through mind mud of everyday stress, relationships, and activities.

But it’s something to strive for, dontcha think?


EffervEssence (Heart- 1.1.19)

Journey of the Heart – Day 19
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Gratitude strikes your heart like a bell, resounding love through your being. Gratitude opens your heart to Love’s purity, your very own essence! Experience such deep gratitude for your heart, your essence, your ALL of Life!

Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


There have been two times, over the past six months, that I’ve experienced “karma” or “energy” or “emotional crap” (I am not sure what to call it) lift up and leave my body/energy field.

The first time was shortly after I did the mundan, and I had done a fire ceremony. I don’t even remember what the “crap” was that I had been holding on to, but all of the sudden, I felt it evaporate. It was as though something material and heavy in my energy shifted, and floated up and out of my energy field. I felt it, and thought, “huh. That’s new”.

The second time was just yesterday. We all carry with us things we learned, or inherited through our family-line (at least we carry it…until we don’t). I’ve been noticing energies that I can identify as things that have been with me for years, that I can see having their origins in my parents, grandparents, maybe (probably) further back.

I was in one of those dunking booth moments, totally immersed in a chaotic emotion. But. I was also watching myself be immersed in the chaotic emotion: in the water and on the platform at the same time:

I felt sorry for myself. SO SO sorry for myself. “Woe is me”. “Nobody loves me”. “Nobody cares”. “If they did they’d…>fill in the blank<…” “If I were lovable someone would…>fill in the blank<. ” Boooo hooooo hoooooo.

I had been in and out of this state for a few days…no, longer… I knew the energy was “not mine”; I knew it was something that I was feeling, but it was not something I believed in, claimed, or identified with. But I was in it.

Sometimes it’s really hard to know what to do to get out when you are so deep in it. Sometimes it’s scary, cause I wonder if I will get out of it. Sometimes it feels like I want to be there, like I want to self-sabotage, and feel sorry for myself, and then I wonder what the hell that is all about.

All of this was going on in that fateful moment.

Then, the part of me that was watching myself go through the emotional contortions, finally, finally got leverage to pull myself out. I remember exactly the thought that gave me the leverage: “It’s not fair to my relatives who carry this, that I should continue it; it’s not fair to the people I project this onto.”

In that thought, I felt a profound sense of duty and obligation. Other people don’t deserve my bullshit. They may not even know, but that doesn’t matter. I have a duty to discontinue my own BS, to save others from guilt/blame/shame, and maybe even to break the chain of inherited BS.

I don’t know why I turned to the meditation that I did, but I immediately thought, “Transmute, transmute, by the violet fire, all causes and cores not of God’s desire. I am a being of Cause alone. That Cause is Love, the sacred tone.”

I said it once. And the bullshit lifted. Seriously, it was just gone. here…and then…not here. poof. In that instance, everything changed. I changed.

I continued saying the meditation a few times for good measure anyway.

I have read about how things can happen “in the twinkling of an eye”. I know A Course in Miracles talks about things like walking through the veil, or pushing aside the clouds. I’ve now had two experiences with this. It really can be that simple. Crap can just go away. Just like that. Gone.


The Question is the Catalyst (Heart- 1.1.14)

Journey of the Heart – Day 14
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

How can you deepen and expand your relationship with your beautiful, blissful heart? How can you give your love, your wisdom, your compassion more openly and  freely? How can you know your heart of love, as yourself?

Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-


As I was doing the picture, hearing these questions, I felt as though just asking the questions connected me to the answer; it’s like a part of me (let’s say the part of me that knows the answer) opened up, and I was able to feel the answer. If I hadn’t asked the questions, there would have been no prompt for the opening.

So, it’s not like the question is the answer, but it’s more like asking the question taps into the answer that is already there. The question is the catalyst which begins a process of opening and connecting to answers that are waiting for me.

I’m going to have to think about this more…and see how this new thought applies (or if it applies at all) to “giving is receiving” or “Seeking is finding”. Who knows what I’ll come up with…but if I don’t ask…..

The High Path is the Destination

Babaji Copyright unknown

My message is very simple. Truth, Simplicity, Love, and Service. I ask for no-thing. I am no-thing. I observe unconditionally without judgement. I am not here to convince anyone of anything,..I seek only to share my message. 

What humans seek on the Lower Path such as wealth, power, and control is of no interest to me, and should be of no interest to those on the High Path, for the things of the Lower Path will only lead to misery and despair. Misery and despair is the destination of the Lower Path. Truth, Simplicity, and Love is the destination of the High Path.

Babaji of Haidakhan

On the “High Path”, the journey and the destination are the same: Following the path of Truth, Simplicity, Love, and Service leads to Truth, Simplicity, and Love.  The means are the ends; the journey is the destination.

Contrariwise, on the Lower Path, the path is different than the destination. Wealth, power, and control lead to misery and despair. People who are immersed in their own desire or attachment for wealth, power, and control, do not see, cannot see, or ignore where it ultimately leads.

On the Lower Path, the immediate gratification of the control, wealth, and power obscures the delayed effect of misery and despair.

On the High Path, because the journey and the destination are the same, Truth, Simplicity and Love are the immediate  and the ultimate gratification.


The Point of Diminishing Contrast: Journey of Peace 2017– Day 40

Welcome to Day 40–did you make it through all 40 days? It gets long, doesn’t it? Just a reminder: The next 10 days are “rest” days for this Journey, during which time I will post one last time about my self-assessment for this Journey. Then we begin a Journey of Rest. Like on the 7th day, we rest for the 7th Journey. During this time I’ll do some alternative article-writing, which I hope will inspire and entertain you while we recuperate from the 2017 Journeys and gear-up for 2018. and then…I have some exciting news. The Journeys are now being formalized into online classes. Beginning in 2018, I will offer personalized guidance, support, encouragement, and inspiration for those wanting to take their spiritual practice/seeking to the next level. Stay tuned on that. For now…Thank you for being here and adding your light to the world. Blessings to you.

Copyright Tam Black 2017
for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Knowing the essence of All as my Self, I respect and revere All Life. I love my Self; I love All Life. I bring this Love regularly, sincerely, and thankfully to all my activities and interactions. I now Know the Peace inherent in Oneness. I Know All as my Self. I Know my Self as Love.


I love this phrase: “I love my Self”. I used to have a hard time even thinking about loving myself. Now I love saying it to myself and hearing it from myself! I love Love!

You know that I very often ask such questions as “how do I do [it]” or “how do I know”, right?

Well, over the past few days, I’ve been in a situation that has helped me to understand how one knows. Be forewarned: it is not clearly logical or rational, ultimately, the answer is, “you just know”. I think I am getting more comfortable with that answer.

So the question is (or the questions are), how do I know if I am At Peace or how do I know if I perceive Oneness or how do I know if I’m even doing anything.

A lot of times I don’t know–not emotionally, not intellectually, not physically. And I now see that it is due to what I now call “the point of diminishing contrast”.

You see, I hang out pretty much with people who a) are good communicators b) value peace and harmony in relationships and home c) care about spiritual values and actualizing them in the world. In short, I hang out with people who work at having clear minds/hearts, and living from that pure space.

This is the point of diminishing contrast: I vibrate with the folks I hang out with on a similar wavelength that reflects our values. There is less contrast between me and my friends than between me and someone who thinks and acts from (let’s call it) “lower self” values. It is harder to discern “how much” Peace I actually embody, if I don’t have a contrasting point of view.

Every once in a while it hits me: “most people don’t think or live like this”. I understand intellectually that my mind and life are smoother, more peaceful than most people’s. But it’s not like I understand the extent to which my life is smoother.

I’ve recently been given the gift of interacting with someone on a daily basis, who (how shall I say this?)…who’s mind is in chaos, and I can see it.

This is part of the bigger, “ultimate” answer of: you just know. When you get to a certain point of experience, you can recognize what you know in other people. This is true in many areas, not just that of spiritual growth. People who have been in recovery can recognize symptoms of alcohol disease in others before the others may recognize it. People who have reclaimed their lives after abusive relationships can recognize the symptoms of abuse. When people focus and learn the skills and behaviors of Peace, it becomes clear when someone is not at peace.

In this particular situation, the contrast is so great, I can practically see exactly how this person’s mind spins, the effects that the spinning has, and how it plays out in the life of this person. It’s just so obvious.

I have to say, this has been a draining situation. I am not used to working with people who are so not-self-aware, and so embroiled in their their mind’s antics. It has been educational on very many levels, and I am thankful for all of them. I can now identify my own Peace much better, and I bless and ask for Peace for those who do not have this awareness.