Purifying

Hangry Hangry Ego -Fulfillment (1.6.27)

susanwithpearls ACIM, Affirmation, Choices, courage, Diligence, Gratitude, Purifying ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Our Joy unifies! Accepting our Joy—acknowledging it, sharing it, and expressing it—heals us and All. To be wholly Joyful means to be wholly Love…means to be wholly our Self.

This day, first Journey of Fulfillment, 2014
This day, second Journey of Fulfillment, 2016
One year ago– The Hum of Harmony Journey of Peace 2017– Day 24

Sharing   

I’ve had a very enlightening breakthrough, unlike any other I’ve experienced in 5 years of Journeying. This breakthrough is threefold.

  1. The content of the breakthrough
  2. My awareness of the content
  3. My understanding of how I have been lead to this point

All three of these go together, so here’s the story:

This begins all the way back on Day 1 of this Journey, when I was working out why this Journey is important to me. I wrote, “I must do nothing, and in doing nothing All is well. Everything is fulfilled. This, then, is Why a Journey of Fulfillment: Because All is fulfilled. All is filled full. I must do nothing. I have no goal, no sense for accomplishment, no want, no desire, beyond recognizing what is.”

This has been very difficult to maintain. Try doing nothing. Try taking no action to accomplish anything, taking no action to change a situation, doing nothing because “it’s good for you”. Try not doing anything spontaneously, impulsively, or habitually. Try to have no intention, other than living in the moment and recognizing Truth in that moment.

This is how I’ve been (not) acting. I have removed intention; I’ve removed having a goal; I’ve stopped wanting something, anything. I desire no particular outcome. Just over 3 weeks I’ve been doing this.

I feel the tug to do something. I stop myself from doing it. I feel like “this would be so cool”, and I stop myself from doing it. I think, “OH, but wouldn’t it be nice if >this happened< as a result of me >doing this<” and I don’t do it.

I can’t say it’s been hard, so much as it has taken great vigilance to recognize all the times that I want to do something in order to get something, then stopping myself. This speaks to #2 above: my awareness of  the content. I have had to really stay on top of myself, on top of my impulses, my reasons for wanting to do something, so that I could make an informed decision in the moment. 3 weeks of this, day in, day out.

Then, (this is the being lead part), I was listening to A Course in Miracles, and I heard this (I will distill this for you below…):

Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you. For although the ego urges you again and again to get, it leaves you nothing, for what you get it will demand of you. And even from the very hands that grasped it, it will be wrenched and hurled into the dust. For where the ego sees salvation it sees separation, and so you lose whatever you have gotten in its name. Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you. For what you think you need will merely serve to tighten up your world against the light, and render you unwilling to question the value that this world can really hold for you. (Text is here.)

Often, ACIM is pretty dense, and I can only process bits and pieces of it at a time. Here are the bits and pieces that sunk in, deeply:

Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you…Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you.

This happened maybe 3 days ago. These words have been playing over and over in my head since then.

And then I realized. This is why I must do nothing. Anything I choose will hurt me, because my wants and needs are still dominated by ego. Or, in terms of ACIM, my mind still contains conflict, and while the conflict persists I cannot choose clearly, wholly (Holy), and purely. [FYI, the solution to this, according to ACIM, is to turn decisions over to the Holy Spirit, saying something like (for example): “The Holy Spirit leads me unto Christ, and where else would I go? What need have I but to awake in Him?”]

Then, over the past 24 hours, my impulse to do something shifted. Doing, as I’d been thinking of/experiencing it, meant taking an action, something physical. Over the past 24 hours, I began recognizing mental and emotional habits that were arising in order to get me to feel or think something.

It was not immediate, but after a relatively short time, I realized these thoughts/feelings were very similar to the physical impulses I’d been aware of these past three weeks. They have the same energy signature, so to say.

They were trying to convince me that my feelings were right (righteous), and that I needed to hold a grudge, feel used/abused/confused, feel put upon, angry, betrayed, and isolated. And do you see how those feelings are pretty obviously of the lower self? And yet, there was a part of me trying to convince me that I should claim (as in act upon) those feelings. That if I just let myself feel (and feel self-righteous in those feelings), I will gain, I will get something, I will win.

Thank goodness for my vigilance of the past 3 weeks; I called bullshit, and halted the “action” associated with those feelings.

Then, just today I had another amazing realization. By doing nothing, I am starving my ego. It has no control, it has no power, I am taking away what it feeds upon. I would not have understood this, if I hadn’t just spent 3 weeks denying it food. By diligently halting all actions associated with my lower self (including thoughts/feelings), I have loosened its power in ways that I don’t think I can even understand right now. I can just feel it. My lower self is pissed off, and hungry. Hangry. And it is doing everything it can in a last-ditch effort to try to get me to feed it, to strengthen it.

Thank God for awareness, understanding, and vigilance.

I don’t know where this now will lead. There are 12 days left to this Journey. A lot can happen. I look forward to finding out, and sharing with you!

I’ll leave you with this quote, in gratitude to you, from the same page of ACIM:

Healing in time is needed, for joy cannot establish its eternal reign where sorrow dwells. You dwell not here, but in eternity… Give thanks to every part of you that you have taught how to remember you. Thus does the Son of God give thanks unto his Father for his purity.

 

 

Ways to support this work:

  1. Hire me as your Spiritual Coach, you may sign up for a personalized Journey with me Click here for more information. Or I offer 1-on-1 spiritual coaching sessions. This is non-religion specific, and open to everyone, even atheists, though of course we would call something like “self-analysis coach” for a self-identified atheist.
  2. Indulge in one of my healing services: Jharra, Reiki, Fire Ceremony (see withpearls.com for more information).
  3. Send me a monetary gift via paypal: paypal.me/SusanBillmaier (please note “gift” in the transaction).
  4. Tell a friend about this site, the coaching or healing services.
  5. Invite me to interview on a podcast or for an article.

All proceeds go toward increasing love, light, and a consciousness of Oneness in the world. Thank you for your contribution that benefits All.

These Journeys are always available on this site at no charge. I also provide Jharra, Reiki, and Fire Ceremonies at no-charge to those who ask.

“Do This in Remembrance of Me” -Fulfillment (1.6.25)

susanwithpearls Acceptance, Atonement, Be who you are, becoming, Bringers of Light, Choices, Diligence, Enlightenment, Everything changes, Love, patience, Practices, Purifying
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

In Divine Mind, we are filled full! All are equally filled full. All are equal in Love. We fill our minds with thoughts of fulfillment and remember what we already know. We are determined to fulfill our purpose, to know our Self as Divine Love, and to share the fullness we are.

This day, first Journey of Fulfillment, 2014
This day, second Journey of Fulfillment, 2016
One year ago– What a Difference 10 Days Make: Journey of Peace 2017– Day 22

 

Sharing

I don’t know about you, but I am determined to fulfill my purpose. I am determined to know my Self–to remember my Self– as Divine Love, and to do whatever is necessary to know my fulfillment.

I’m passed the stage of looking for the path, for looking for the right tools to get me where I want to go. I am on the path, and I have the tools that will get me there. Or, if I don’t have the tools now, I am confident that other tools will come at an appropriate time.

I’m also passed a lot of the questioning, passed a lot of the doubt, a lot of the fear.

I used to worry often that I “wasn’t doing enough”. I don’t do that anymore. I have certain things that I just do–daily, weekly–and as long as I do those things, I stay ahead of my worry, and I stay “primed”, so to say, in my relationship with my Divine Self, and with God.

I used to have recurring doubt and skepticism. I don’t have those anymore. I have a lot of faith and confidence that I am where I am supposed to be, and that all is as it should be. Even recently, I have been feeling “stuck”, feeling like I should be doing something different, and I always return to a balance point of, “no, this is where I am supposed to be; everything will change when and as it’s supposed to”. This has sometimes been very hard– as in not giving in to a bad habit hard. Doing something, anything has been a habit of distraction, taking me away from listening within, being in the silence, allowing the silence to lead. Although I have been able to prevent myself from doing something for the sake of doing something, I have still felt the impulse, and needed to talk myself down.

I used to compare what I wanted, and where I wanted to be–where I thought I should be–with where I am. They never matched up. I was never as far along as I thought I should be; I was not seeing the results that I thought I “should” be seeing. I don’t do that anymore. Who am I to try to know the mind of God, or God’s plan for my activity in the world? This is a result of doing a lot of work with surrender and letting go.

I would not be as “relaxed” about all of this if it weren’t for staying highly attuned with my Divine Self and having confidence in my relationship with God.

You see, to achieve a spiritual goal, I have needed to let go of all of training about how to achieve something. One cannot attain a spiritual goal using the tools one has learned to achieve material goals. I can’t set a goal, make a list of tasks, plan out a reverse-calendar, then start doing those tasks, checking off the boxes, with each check mark saying, “ok, you’re one step closer”.

With a spiritual goal, it’s not what the tasks are that matter, it’s what I bring to each one. How aware am I? How much love do I consciously bring to every task? How often do I remember to thank God for the Grace of Life? How clear and pure do I keep my mind, my thoughts? How much devotion do I feel as I do every little thing?

With a spiritual goal, every action is a “task” toward that goal, but the check marks only come when I can say, “yes, I did this thinking of God” or “yes, I did that feeling love in my heart”, or “I remembered unity and harmony as I did that”.

This is relatively new for me. All my actions now–to the best of my ability– are devotions to God. Every action is a step on the spiritual path, a step closer to the goal of knowing/remembering my Self, when I do it with awareness and remembrance of the Divine.

 

 

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Ways to support this work:

  1. Hire me as your Spiritual Coach, you may sign up for a personalized Journey with me Click here for more information. Or I offer 1-on-1 spiritual coaching sessions. This is non-religion specific, and open to everyone, even atheists, though of course we would call something like “self-analysis coach” for a self-identified atheist.
  2. Indulge in one of my healing services: Jharra, Reiki, Fire Ceremony (see withpearls.com for more information).
  3. Send me a monetary gift via paypal: paypal.me/SusanBillmaier (please note “gift” in the transaction).
  4. Tell a friend about this site, the coaching or healing services.
  5. Invite me to interview on a podcast or for an article.

All proceeds go toward increasing love, light, and a consciousness of Oneness in the world. Thank you for your contribution that benefits All.

These Journeys are always available on this site at no charge. I also provide Jharra, Reiki, and Fire Ceremonies at no-charge to those who ask.

Easier -Fulfillment (1.6.12)

susanwithpearls abundance, Affirmation, Beauty, becoming, Diligence, Enlightenment, Everything changes, Evolutionary Light Worker, Gratitude, Inspiration, Love, prayer, Purifying ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Invite, welcome, and receive the effects of Divine Love now… and be truly grateful. Experience Divine Mind as you experience these effects; allow Divine Presence to confirm itself in your life, activities, and affairs.

Sharing

Here’s the sequence:

You invite and welcome Divine Love to enter your life, and be willing to let it operate in your life.

The final sentence of a prayer of Saint John Damascene says this, “But on me a sinner, show the wonder of Thy mercy; in this reveal Thy love for mankind, lest my wickedness prevail over Thine ineffable goodness and merciful kindness; and order my life as Thou wilt”. (emphasis mine).

When you sincerely invite Divine Love to enter your life, be prepared for your life to change. Anything that is not of, in, by, and through Love in your life will be turned upside down, emptied, burned away so that Love may enter purely.

I often say, “I have to remember that I asked for this”. If you are asking for Love, it will come. It may not (at first) feel warm and fuzzy. It may feel chaotic, tumultuous, confusing. Hang in there–that’s Love clearing you out. I recommend breathing a lot, and having some affirmation, prayer, or meditation that you can turn to in an instant to remind you to let go of everything. When you consciously participate in letting go in the moment, every moment, that makes Love’s work faster, and you can get through it (to the warm and fuzzy….) faster.

You: be truly grateful.

This is especially important to remember as/if you experience what I mention above. Be grateful for everything.

You: Experience Divine Mind as you experience these effects.

As often as you can, acknowledge Divine Mind working in your life. Especially after you have asked Divine Love to enter.

Look for instances of Love, acts of kindness, grace, beauty. Set your mind to seeing Love operating in your life. If you can, see everything as Love operating in your life.

Do your best. Find your gratitude, even if it’s by wrote, or by repetition, or totally in your head, or rehearsed. Say small “thanks” throughout the day. Do it for everything. Acknowledge. Acknowledge. Acknowledge.

This brings you more to be grateful for.

All of these add up to: allow Divine Presence to confirm itself in your life, activities, and affairs.

You lay the groundwork.

You set the stage.

You keep the channel clear for Divine Love to work in you and through you.

Divine Presence cannot confirm itself in your life, activities, and affairs unless you have done the work so that It wants to express itself in you and through you.

The good news is, once you have some repetition with this:

invite and welcome — be truly grateful — Acknowledge. Acknowledge. Acknowledge — invite and welcome — be truly grateful — Acknowledge. Acknowledge. Acknowledge — invite and welcome — be truly grateful — Acknowledge. Acknowledge. Acknowledge.

You create this pattern in your consciousness, which gives momentum to the energy behind the Presence of Love, which makes it easier (yes, it gets easier) to be in Love, allow Love, and experience Love’s confirmation of your hard work.

 

AtTUNEment: Harmony with the Divine -Abundance (1.5.15)

susanwithpearls Atonement, Be who you are, Bringers of Light, Choices, Enlightenment, God, Kindness Matters, prayer, Purifying, service, Transformation , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Your Inner Divine-Love Presence Knows what you need or desire before you do. It is constantly providing you with ideas, material goods, situations, and interactions to fulfill all your needs and desires. Relax! and allow the Presence Within to supply you with everything you need.

Sharing

I’ve really been living in the space of this Guiding Thought.

I open my heart, and feel/think, “You know what I need…I trust You to put me in the right place, at the right time, and supply me with what I need to do Your work”.

The “issues” or “work” that I did on trust/faith/surrender over a period of about 5 years has shifted. In the past, I struggled with surrender; I doubted my faith; I questioned my trust. Now, I am relaxed. I simply open to whatever is going on, and surrender, trusting that it is the right place, the right time, and I am doing what I am supposed to do.

Lots of times, I am not “doing” anything other than what I would “normally” do. I am talking with a colleague, or paying for groceries, or waving a pedestrian across a crosswalk. But  I am attuned, and that makes me different. In those mundane interactions, I share Divine attunement, and maybe that’s all I’m supposed to do.

I’m here for nothing more than to serve God, and to serve God by serving people. I don’t know what God needs me to do–how could I? But I know that if I live every moment in the faith and trust that I am doing what he needs me to do, then I have no needs or desires, and all I want is to stay in-tune with God every moment, so that I can be the mightiest, purest channel that I can be.

 

 

Why -Abundance (1.5.0)

susanwithpearls abundance, Acceptance, Affirmation, becoming, Choices, creation, Purifying , , , , , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Welcome to Journey of Abundance! Are you ready to explore your inner abundance depths? Or, perhaps first, there will be a period of time of exploring your inner poverty depths–clear the crap, make room for the gold. I usually have a lot of crap to clear, so don’t worry–you’re in good company.

Even though I’ve been clearing the poverty crap for many years, and increasing my actual experience of abundance, there is still more crap: I still have some resistance to having money (more on that in a minute); I still have a cantankerous and belligerent relationship to bills (they get paid, I just really need to talk myself up to get it done); I still do not have clarity about the relationship between work (spiritual and material) abundance; I still feel like I’m in kindergarten regarding abundance, even though I have come a really long way.

For those of you new to the Journeys: today is Why day. This is the day I write about why it’s important for me to focus on abundance: what I hope to learn, what I hope to clear, what I aim to work on for 40 days.

For those of you who will be joining the Journey this time around: start your thinkin’ and writin’! Why are you interested in focusing on advancing your understanding of and relationship with abundance?

Here we go!

I grew up in a household in which money was “the root of all evil”. During all of my formative years, emotionally and psychologically, I learned to reject money, because to accept money was to invite and allow evil.

While at the same time, I was learning that in order to be a productive and contributing member of society, I had to work to make money.

What a contradiction! How was I to embrace work, which brought me evil in the form of money?

My solution to this contradiction for most of my young-adult life (18-24), was to work, but act like I did not have money. The way I did this was to just put money in a savings account and only use it “if I had to”, as though the money only existed if “I needed it”…and I was very clear about the difference between needing something and wanting something. I only used money if I needed something, and I needed very few things. I probably set it up that way, to limit my “need” for money, limiting my relationship with that evil.

I was around 25 before I understood that the actual bible quote is not that “money is the root of all evil”, but that “the love of money is the root of all evil”. In other words: greed is the root of all evil.

But by then, I had been steeped in a belief system that equated money with evil for over two decades. Now, it’s been over two decades that I have been clearing that crap, and there is more to clear. If you have any childhood “baggage” you know how these things stick with you…you think you’ve got it all, but then it peeks out and sabotages something and you think, “Gosh darn it, I thought I was done with this!” You know? (this is what I was referring to in the second paragraph; sometimes that old resistance-habits-emotional sense rears its head and I can see/feel how blocked I still am to receiving money).

Nonetheless, to give you a sense of how far I’ve come, here are some things I have worked through over the years:

  1. I can confirm 100% that I am not greedy. I have been…at times…it has cropped up in the form of jealousy or coveting or hoarding (in the sense of not sharing or not being generous), but really I don’t see it anymore.
  2. I can confirm 100% that I am generous. Practicing generosity was one way that I worked through greed issues. And I am still working on this. I want to be even more generous, in order to do that, I need to work on…you guessed it…abundance!
  3. Despite my cantankerous and belligerent relationship with my bills, it’s so much better than it used to be (like when I used to just ignore money…which meant ignoring bills for as long as I could…)
  4. I love working and I love being paid for the work I do. I have not reached my own personal ceiling with either work or getting paid, so that is another reason why abundance is important.

Generally speaking: I now have a good relationship with work and money. It’s like I went from a  minus 10 to a neutral zero point. Everything is good.

Why, then, abundance? What is next? What do I need/want to work on?

Now I want to move from neutral zero to a positive relationship with work and money.

The philosophy that I am going to use to guide this next step of my abundance evolution is the aspect of Hindu philosophy called Artha.

Artha has three meanings:  1) “meaning” or “significance” 2) anything that gives temporary relief from suffering. 3) “wealth” or “money”.

The way I understand how Artha is understood in Hindu philosophy is this: There are material things that human beings must have to live: food, shelter, clothing. There are spiritual things that human beings thrive with: A life of meaning and purpose. There are intellectual and emotional things that provide human beings with a sense of fulfillment: (this varies greatly between people). Whenever any of these is deprived, there is the experience of pain and suffering. Artha is anything that relieves that pain and suffering.

Most often, because of its third meaning, “wealth”, Artha is seen in purely the material sense.

Even though Artha is about having material comfort, it also means living with that material comfort in a way that also serves your personal meaning and purpose and provides you with personal fulfillment. If wealth does not do all these things, it is no longer Artha (because if it does not do these things, it is contributing to suffering…the opposite of Artha).

For my purposes, in my next stage of learning about abundance, Artha is my guide, because this is exactly the sort of positive relationship I want with money: I want it to have meaning beyond mere money. Using money/wealth for Purpose and Fulfillment is just the right perspective to bring about a positive relationship with it.

For me, Artha is the convergence of loving the work I do (fulfillment), my Highest Purpose (to serve God and humanity), and the means to do those things in a comfortable, easy, joyous, pleasurable way.

Thus. Why am I doing a Journey of Abundance?

  1. to move from neutral zero to a positive relationship with work and money
  2. to begin to receive money easily and freely, doing meaningful and fulfilling work
  3. to increase my generosity

How about you?

 

 

At the Feet of the Father -Healing (1.4.32)

susanwithpearls Acceptance, Atonement, becoming, Being, Bringers of Light, Choices, Diligence, Everything changes, Harmony, Health and Wellness, Heart, Hope, Inspiration, patience, Peace, Purifying, Transformation, Transmutation, Understanding , , , , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

I go deep within my inner stillness, and feel Divine Mind’s presence within me. I hold out my empty hands, symbolic of leaving preconceptions behind, symbolic of seeking True answers, and I ask, “What is the essence of healing?” These words resonate within me, as though in a vast cavern.  The word essence reverberates with these thoughts, “For what do I care most deeply?”; “What is my own essence?”; “What is my Truth?”; “Where is my deepest hurt, my pain, my sorrow, that all may be healed?”

Reflection

Round four is here; the Journey is coming together! If you’ve been following along, you may see it. But hopefully you are paying more attention to your own Journey, your own connections, and your own progress than you are to my process.

Let me lay it out for you, so you can get back to thinking about how the Journey is coming together for you.

I would say that day 22 began the coalescence. It was that day that I went into my heart (Dicrysahe), and asked questions from a deeper, more focused place. Asking questions with the heart is like laser-beam energy going right to the “heart of the matter”. The insights come with the same kind of focused energy; all of a sudden, there is an answer that just makes sense.

After that, there were six days of being in this “healing fog”: unassociated stuff coming up, going out, clearing up, moving through. The fog is not what I would call fun, but it also was not deeply dramatic or intense. It was more like watching a bad movie–I just kind of sat through it, being aware of not really enjoying myself, but getting through it. And at least I had the Journey, as well as some signposts to clue me in to what was going on, so that I could have some understanding sprinkled in.

Then just three days ago, the fog lifted. Apparently enough stuff had cleared out and it was time for the next step (or layer or something).

Two days ago I wrote about being broken, rebuilding, and the strength that comes from that process.

Yesterday, I associated being broken with letting go of all the stuff that inhibits a person from following Divine Will–and that when we allow ourselves to be rebuilt in such a way that we align with Divine Will, we step into the Truth of our Selves, which is Whole, Holy, Healthy.

Yesterday, I wrote this, “But, each time I arrive at the feet of my Father, I give up more of my lower-self”

And we arrive at today…

This morning, as I was waking up, I found myself at the feet of my Father–there’s this place I “go to” in my mind, where I meet with Him; usually I have to think about it, and imagine it; this time, I was just there, without thinking, in Dicrysahe. I was laying everything at his feet, and I realized for the first time (one of those, “how did I miss this?” moments) that I have more “worldly cares” than I realized. It was like one of those magic tricks, where the magician just keeps pulling things out of a bag: “oh, and there’s this” and “oh, and here is that”…I pulled out everything–health stuff, financial stuff, job stuff, projects stuff, family stuff, worries and cares, worries and cares. And I just said, “I don’t know what to do with all this, so I am giving it to you (and literally laid it at His feet). Please take it, and use it however you need to, to benefit All. Only You can do this; only You can orchestrate how this will be used for a Loving purpose”.

Several hours later, as I was doing the dishes, I felt (again Dicrysahe) this: “Know everything is what it is supposed to be; all is going as intended; have faith“.

Did I get a True answer? Maybe.

At least for me, now, the answer to “What is the essence of healing?” is: have faith.

And I can say that I have current answers for the next questions as well (following from the past 10 days):

“For what do I care most deeply?” Truth, my relationship with God, Divine Will

“What is my own essence?” Peace, stillness

“What is my Truth?” My heart, my relationship with God.

“Where is my deepest hurt, my pain, my sorrow, that all may be healed?” Find it, lay it at the feet of the Father, be free!

 

Finding Truth -Healing (1.4.31)

susanwithpearls Acceptance, Atonement, Beauty, becoming, Being, Bringers of Light, Choices, Commitment and Dedication, Diligence, Enlightenment, Inspiration, Love, patience, Purifying, Transformation , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Welcome to round 4! It’s the last leg of the Journey–we’ve come so far, and only 10 days to go! If you’ve been doing your own Journey, you will have noticed that with each round, the pronouns change. In round one, the pronouns are “I”, “me”. In round two, the pronoun is “you”. For round three, the pronouns change to “we”, “our”. Now, for round four, we go back to the pronouns “I”, “me”…but you will notice that after the previous two rounds, which focus on others, and on the collective, you (probably) will not feel the same way about “I” anymore. Fun, fun!

I’m proud of you. I’m happy for you–OH what healing we have done! Keep on for just another 10 days. You’ve come too far to stop now!

Guiding Thought

I clear my mind of all past notions of what I think healing is. I erase all memories and stories from my thoughts, leaving only a clean slate. I turn my attention to my Inner Divine Mind and I ask, “What is healing”? I wait and listen in silence; I take my attention deeper into the vastness of Divine Mind and ask again, “What is healing?”, “What is wholeness?”, and “What is holy?” I wait and I listen. Feeling stillness, I simply pause in the quiet and await my answer.

Reflection

First, I’d like to take a step back, and review the past few days…which have been a bit tumultuous for me. Not “bad”, mind you, but stuff has just been coming up.

I read an astrology summary for July a few minutes ago. On July 4th, Chiron went retrograde. Do I really understand what that means…no, but here is the summary of that phenomenon:

When Chiron goes retrograde, healing goes inward. Right now it’s less about seeking help from the outside. It’s more about how you can connect the dots and heal yourself from the inside. Chiron retrograde will help you weave back together the broken parts of the Self and become whole again. The first and foremost step in healing is embracing those parts of you that you despise, those parts of you that you are ashamed of. You cannot heal yourself unless you embrace your broken parts. (astrobutterfly.com)

From ancestral healing, to karma, to just yesterday writing about brokenness…I would say that I am right on target for the universal energetic influences going on “out there”. I love it when something “out there” reflects back to me (validates) how I am experiencing the Journey. You won’t see the same reflections, as you move through your Journey, but you will come across information, situations, or people who speak to you on your Journey.

Onward!

We are back at questioning with an empty slate. I have a new insight about this, and more generally the theme of seeking and finding, which has recurred several times so far on this Journey.

Here is my insight:

Ultimately, healing is of God, and only of God. Archangel Rafael is the Angel of Healing. Rafael means It is only God which Heals or God is the Healer.

One way to think of God as the only healer, is to understand that living according to Divine Will is what keeps us Whole-Holy-Healthy. Yes, God (omnipotent) can heal us from any malady, but more to the point, He doesn’t need to, when we willingly align ourselves with Divine Will.

Too often, however, we want our own will to be done. This is why the prayer “Not my will but Thine” is so prevalent and necessary. We think we know better than God! Silly humans.

Submitting or Surrendering to God’s Will is more about giving up our own will. It’s not that we need to actually do anything to surrender to God. His Will is. Divine Will is the Truth. It is here, now, forever. All we need to do is stop trying to unmake His Will with our own.

The obstacles in our path have to do with our own insistence on trying to change the Truth, trying to make our own small wills big enough to overpower God. Silly Humans.

This is why we get sick. This is the meaning of “disobeying God”. It’s not that He orders us to do anything; it’s that He lives in the Truth, where He wants us to be also, because Truth is Love, and Harmony, and all that Heaven-stuff.

Doing things that are “pleasing to God”, similarly, is not about God actually being pleased: He is Loves His children always with all our foibles. Pleasing God is simply about doing the things that will make us happy (which makes Him happy), so that we can live Whole-Holy-Healthy lives. Pleasing God is easy, because what is pleasing to God is living in the Truth. We cannot not live in the Truth, but we try to; we try to live in a truth that we construct for ourselves…and that is why we struggle. That is why life “is hard”. That is why there is so much misery. We fight the Truth. If we only surrendered to the Truth, surrendered to Love, surrendered to Divine Will, we would Know ourselves as the Whole-Holy-Healthy beings we were created to be.

You see?

So, all of the seeking is really about surrender. It’s about looking hither and yon and over hill and dale and up rivers and down…until we tire ourselves out, and in complete exhaustion we fall at the feet of our Father and say, “I have no answers. You have the answers. I want your answers, because I have searched everywhere for my own, and found nothing”.

I do this over and over and over. Is this insanity? Maybe. But, each time I arrive at the feet of my Father, I give up more of my lower-self. The seeking “breaks” me, so that He may rebuild me.

How many times do I need to break, to be rebuilt? How many times do I return to the insanity of my lower-self and think I can find my own answers?

For me at least, I feel assured in seeking only for Him…to the best of my ability. I still have lower-human attachments, conflicts, desires, needs. But…I’m human. With every surrender, more of my lower-self is destroyed, to be re-built in a way that will live in accordance with His Will.

These are my steps. Allowing myself to be broken is part of my Journey. Knowing He will rebuild me better than I was before is part of my Journey. This is why I seek. This is why I seek Him. Maybe there will come a final day, when I have exhausted myself so completely, I no longer choose to return to trying to find my own answers. When I do, I will simply step into the Truth that is already there, waiting for me to find It.

Every Day a Better Day -Healing (1.4.25)

susanwithpearls Acceptance, ACIM, Atonement, Be who you are, becoming, Bringers of Light, Choices, Commitment and Dedication, Compassion, courage, Diligence, Enlightenment, Evolutionary Light Worker, Forgiveness, God, Gratitude, Harmony, Health and Wellness, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Peace, Purifying, Responsible, service, Transformation, Transmutation , , , , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Our own Loving Presence is our personal connection with Divine Mind. Attuned to our own Loving Presence, we Know ourselves as Whole and Holy. As we feel our Inner Unity, we know: this is all we want; we have found all we seek.

Reflection

Between 2005 and 2013 I studied A Course in Miracles pretty intensely. I don’t mean that I stopped at doing the daily lessons. I did those, then I read the text, took notes and wrote…and wrote…and wrote. That was before I was doing the Journeys. In a way, at least a portion of these Journeys grew out of that study. Part of what I wanted (and still want) to do with the Journeys is to do a cross-reference research project for a bunch of the themes in ACIM, to answer questions like, “How does purpose relate to atonement“? or “How does atonement relate to forgiveness“? or “How does forgiveness relate to healing“? or “How does healing relate to purpose“? You see how nicely that would fit within the framework of the Journeys? Everything is interconnected; each “theme” gives insight into other “themes” and those links bring greater understanding to both those themes and all others.

I had the good fortune at that time of having a flexible job schedule, and often did not have to be out of the house until 10 or 11 am. I would read-study-write from 5 or 6 am until 9 or 10. I would be completely absorbed, completely focused, never getting tired, but rather getting energized. I remember often thinking, “This is all I want; this is all I want to do”.

That feeling, “this is all I want; this is all I want to do” has recurred in my life more broadly with spiritual practices, and spiritual writing and studying.

As with a lot of spiritual practices, like meditation, the practices connect a person to their Loving Presence, their link to Divine Mine, their link to their own Inner Divine.

It’s a great place to hang out, there, with your own Loving Presence. It’s a high, really. I was thinking earlier today that it’s sort of like the runners high: you have to push through certain mental (chemical-hormonal-energetic) barriers, but once you get into “the zone” it feels amazing and you can just coast for hours, and the high carries you through other parts of your day and life.

Another similarity with running is that, like an endorphin high, the spiritual high eventually wears off. We go out into the world, where there is drama, among people who do not connect with their Loving Presence, who don’t and can’t understand wholeness, unity, compassion…so we end up not only losing the high, but expending more energy to protect ourselves from an onslaught of other people’s emotional energy. It’s a good day when I don’t get sucked down; it’s a better day when I can not only maintain my own Inner Harmony, but can also share it with others–where I can actually perceive that their energy is lifted and lightened through our interaction.

I believe that we–all people– are headed to a time when the high does not wear off and every day is a better day. I think that the intense emotional energy in the world right now is a mass purging. All the crap is coming to the surface, so that it can go away for good.

More people are meditating. More people are doing spiritual practices. More people are realizing that it’s a great place to be, connected with Love, connected with others through Love.

What takes you to your zone? What are the practices that you do that take you to the place where you say, “This is all I want”? If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. It’s there, waiting for you.

Crappity crap crap crap. -Healing (1.4.23)

susanwithpearls Atonement, becoming, Being, Bringers of Light, courage, Diligence, Enlightenment, Evolutionary Light Worker, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Love, Purifying, Transformation, Transmutation , , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

We rely on our own Loving Presence to lead and guide us toward the meaning of healing. Seeking the meaning of healing frames all our activity and gives context to all our interactions. Though we may encounter disturbances throughout our daily activity, we lay them at the feet of our own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? Our own Loving Presence directs us as we listen in the stillness.

Reflection

Cleansing. Purging. Clearing. Letting go. Shifting. Transmuting.

Seeking the meaning of healing frames all our activity and gives context to all our interactions is currently very very true for me.

It seems everything recently is coming up for healing. Anxiety. Trust-issues. Faith-issues. Feeling betrayed issues. Anger at myself for a particular passivity in my past. Feeling responsible, and thinking of times when I was irresponsible. Unworthy stuff. “What am I supposed to do” stuff. Anger at others for not living up to my expectations (even after I lowered my expectations). Fear of disappointment that someone else will not live up to my expectations. Inadequacy. Feeling like “I’m not doing it right”…and more!

I said to Tam earlier today, after urgently insisting that something had to be done now: “I’ve got a stick up my ass today and I don’t know why”. It’s important to be able to communicate to some degree about the crap going on, so that there is no mis-communication or risk of mis-perception. I sort of knew why I was in a funk…read the above paragraph. But that was too much to deal with and have a stick up my ass. Fortunately, Tam and I understand each other when these things happen (whew).

I feel like I’ve been letting go of a lot of unseen/unknown energies. Maybe karma. Maybe energetic stuff that has been trapped in my energy body. Maybe Ancestral stuff–I just re-posted an article on ancestral healing –whoa, I hadn’t even thought of that, until the article crossed my path…but it makes so much sense (and now I really want to do these meditations). Maybe just crap that has been hiding in deeper nooks and crannies.

Whatever you think in all levels of mind will determine all the various energies you draw into your systems and bodies. The darkness in your unknown mind still draws darkness to you. Therefore go into all the darknesses of your minds and release and transform it all into its inherent Light, Color, Sound, and Love. Then only will you be blessed with Internal Peace, Happiness, and ever-expanding stability. ~Joseph Barry Martin

It’s up to me to find those darknesses and clear them. It’s up to me to want to heal more deeply…and more deeply…and more deeply…until there is no more darkness.

Part of how I think about healing is exactly about A) the interconnectedness of All, and B) that there are deeper and deeper layers (nooks and crannies) to heal.

I am never healing just myself. Nothing that comes up is ever “just mine”. Everything everyone does is connected to All. Leigh says it really well in the ancestral healing article:

In a big wave of realization I felt the clearing I’ve been doing reaching down through the ancestral lines and then flowing back to heal people I don’t even know but am related to in the present…In the notion of one big web of energy, these family ties show how deeply we really are connected.  So imagine working on clearing your ancestral lineages of fear and negative beliefs and then that your clearing is energetically impacting millions of others.  Imagine a whole bunch of us doing this clearing can help to heal fear for millions upon millions of people.

We’ve got our work cut out for us. Thank you for the healing work that you contribute to All. I have so much love and appreciation for you, out there, on this path, on your own path, doing the work. ❤

 

We can get through this. -Healing (1.4.13)

susanwithpearls Acceptance, ACIM, Atonement, becoming, Compassion, courage, Diligence, Health and Wellness, Love, Miracles, prayer, Purifying , , , ,
Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing. Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions. Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.

Reflection

Today is a step-by-step day. So much of this Guiding Thought feels immediately relevant…one piece at a time:

Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing. 

I think of my Loving Presence as that which connects me with God. Sometimes I feel like I cannot connect directly with God, and so my Loving Presence acts as an intermediary. Sometimes I feel open enough and worthy enough to communicate directly with (what I think of as) God, and so my Loving Presence becomes that relationship, without the need for an intermediary.

Either way, I am constantly praying/talking to/looking up/in for my own Loving Presence and/or God.

I commented to a friend earlier today that I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God. This has not always been the case. Have I been guided and directed in the past? Yes. Absolutely. Have I trusted it? Yes–even then, yes. But here’s the clincher: in the past, when I have trusted the guidance and direction, there was not so much at stake; somehow life was “easier”, so trusting was “easier”.

Now… there is a lot going on in the world. The energy is amplified. Emotions are amplified. There is more “good” and more “bad” visibly mixing–and not always in peaceful ways. For many people there is so much at stake. Whether it is belief systems, political systems, a way of life, integrity, ego, families, jobs, the future…whatever it is for each individual person…something big is at stake. So everyone’s self-interest (or perceived self-interest) is clashing.

Now, trusting the Loving Presence to guide and direct is not easy, because there is so much swirling, constant chaos. How does one slow down enough from all of this crap going on in the world to listen, to pay attention, to follow any guidance?

It is within this context that I can say, “I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God”.

I know that I am being guided. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around it, or to know exactly what to do or when to do it. But my faith and trust are stronger than they’ve ever been.

Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions.

Why? Why do this? Why seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all my activity and interactions?

Because sickness is Lovelessness. Sickness is separation. Sickness is apathy. These things permeate the world right now. It is up to us to eradicate them. How do we eradicate them? By seeking healing. Every moment. Every day. Every interaction. Seek Love. Seek Unity. Seek Care and Compassion.

Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”?

Today I have not “encountered disturbances”. Today has been one continuous disturbance. What is wrong with people? What is wrong with the World–with the United States in particular–that children are traumatized as families are torn apart?

This is not a time for attaching to these emotions. It’s a time to be aware. be alert. and seek healing.

I have laid these disturbances at the feet of my own Loving Presence through constantly reminding myself

  • I do not understand anything I see
  • These thoughts do not mean anything.
  • My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.
  • I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
  • A meaningless world engenders fear.
  • God did not create a meaningless world.

All of this crap going on in the world is a mass purging. Vomit is not pleasant, but generally you feel better afterward. What we are experiencing is the vomit–and who knows how long this will go on. But see it for what it is, let it all out, and know that the vomit is not the end game–it’s just a way to get us to feeling better.

Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.

Just keep on with this. It can be difficult to listen in stillness when there is so much high-emotion going on everywhere, with everyone. It’s hard to get centered, hard to remain centered. Just do the best you can. Listen as best you can. Know that your own Loving Presence is directing you. All is as it should be (believe it or not). Do your best. Keep seeking. Keep going. Have faith, as you have never had it before.