Celebration! -Healing (1.4.40)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Welcome to day 40! It’s a day for celebration–can you see the celebratory theme in the picture? YAY! 40 days of Healing!

Guiding Thought

I give today to Light. I feel the Light within pour forth; I feel my radiance, my glow. I see—with my inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all I encounter, all my words, and all my actions. I watch as others resonate with me, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of my own. To all beings and all situations today, I offer only light, and learn, as I do, the Wholeness of my Self.


Even the Guiding Thought seems to share a celebratory tone. Imagine victory. Imagine celebration. Then read the Guiding Thought with that in mind.

Doesn’t it feel good? Can you feel the radiance, the power of Light, when you associate it with celebration? Can you feel how healing it is to celebrate?

I will wait until I write the Afterword to give a serious assessment of how I think this Journey went for me. But I will say this for now: I feel good. I feel like I’ve learned something. I feel like I have accomplished something. And the accomplishment is part of the learning. And I feel good. Isn’t that what matters? 

Much of this Journey felt spiritually like I was trudging through tar. But healing to me often means drudging things up the need to be healed, rather than waiting for them to surface unexpectedly and unbidden.

I’ve said this before: I do this to myself. I would rather be the one initiating my own trudging through tar, rather than have a tar-storm rain down on me with no prompting, or insight as to why. With these consciousness journeys, I choose. I set the intention, I set the pace, I choose the method.

And then I get through it. Then I celebrate. Today, I give celebratory Light to you. I pour it forth, making it available for you. I see this light envelop and infuse you. I watch as you absorb it, your light growing brighter in the celebration of my own. Peace, Joy, and Love to you.

I’ll write the Afterword in a few days, then Journey of Abundance begins July 28!



Everything Fulfilled in a Moment. -Healing (1.4.39)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

I am the Light of Love. Light saturates my mind and body, surrounding every thought, and radiating out to All. Everything radiates Light in return. Everywhere is Light. I rest in Peace, Being Light.


Recently, I’ve been falling asleep while listening to a meditation. Part of the meditation is, “I am ready to receive Divine Love”. I wake up feeling very calm, rested, refreshed, full of peace. What are the chances there is a correlation between the meditation and how I feel when I wake up? Pretty good, I think.

It’s not a far stretch for me to read the Guiding Thought and believe it. I can feel the Light saturating my mind and body, radiating out to all. I can sense everything radiating Light in return. In this moment, reading the Guiding Thought, I feel the same way I described about when I wake up.

After I wake up, it takes a couple of hours for the feeling to wear off (give or take, depending on how quickly life pulls me out of that State). The Guiding Thought has the same effect–temporary. At least temporary for now.

The more a person becomes accustomed to feeling good–feeling what it feels like in the arms of Love, resting in Peace– the more they want it, the more they seek it, the more they find it, the more they want it… it’s a cycle of expansion of Love.

Sure, the feeling wears off (for now). But in the moment, it’s like knowing what it feels like to not need to seek or desire something, because in that moment, it’s not just something that is fulfilled…it’s everything.

And since in Truth everything is fulfilled…the cycle of expansion of Love is just leading us to the Truth of Love.


Om Puurnnamadah Puurnnamidam Puurnnaat Purnnamudacyate
Puurnnasya Puurnnamadaaya Puurnnamevavashissyate
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||

OmThat (Outer World) is Purna (Full with Divine Consciousness); This (Inner World) is also Purna (Full with Divine Consciousness); From Purna comes Purna (From the Fullness of Divine Consciousness the World is manifested)
Taking Purna from PurnaPurna Indeed Remains (Because Divine Consciousness is Non-Dual and Infinite).

Om PeacePeacePeace.

Allowing vs. Making -Healing (1.4.38)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.


Always remember that nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time. Take heart! -Dharma Mittra

I have so far to go. There are so many people in the world doing such great work, advancing themselves, teaching, being loving and compassionate, sharing it, bringing all that into the world. Wow. Om Namo Namah. I bow to you. Thank you for your contribution.

This is why I needed to add the quote at the top. It’s a reminder to myself that evolution takes time; I may not be as far along the path as I think I should be, or comparatively as far as some people, but I must remind myself: this is my path, no one else’s. I have to walk it as only I can. and, as I say, “every drop counts, every step matters”–each day, every little thing that I do to contribute to my growth and evolution, to becoming the person I know I am, matters.

And, honestly? I love my path. I love what I do and who I am…but I also get frustrated and impatient with myself because think I “should be” doing more. This Journey is really helping me with this. I am allowing myself to evolve (heal), rather than trying to make myself evolve.

Can you feel that difference? Allowing vs. making? One is an easy opening, the other is a forcing, prying. What happens when something is allowed? It happens gently, naturally. What happens when something is forced? There is resistance, pushing back.

It’s the same feeling when I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me.

How do I make my decision to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self? Do I do it with an attitude of allowing or making? Do I open myself joyfully to my Whole and Holy Self, or do I feel like I have to really work at making myself decide to be aware of my Self’s inner activity?

When I am “too hard” on myself, when I think I am not going far enough, fast enough, I try to make myself go further, faster.

There is a certain amount of “pushing” myself that is positive/healthy: that is a pushing through the ego, not pushing against the process or the Inner Self.

So there is a level of awareness that I must bring to pushing myself, to make sure I do not overstep pushing through the ego into pushing through the process. The first subdues the ego, the second sabotages the process, through creating unwanted resistance.

I am often very hard on myself. That is one of the reasons that the goals for this Journey were simply to be kind to myself. I need to learn to be more gentle, loving, and patient with myself.

Although I am often hard on myself, I rarely overstep, and most often, I am pushing through a block or an ego-construction. But, when I do overstep and sabotage my process by being too hard on myself, I must step way back to recover.

It’s possible that I have been in a position for much of this Journey of stepping back, learning to allow, which has not been a “normal” thing for me. Perhaps one of the things I have been accomplishing, not even realizing it, is creating a new pattern, new neurological pathways for allowing. This would include being patient with myself, being gentle with myself, being accepting of myself.

…Which would be good, because I have a long way to go!


Walking Through Tar, Enjoying Food. -Healing (1.4.37)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Love is Wholeness. The essence of Love is Peace. The essence of Wholeness is Unity. My essence is Love, therefore, my essence is Peace; my essence is Unity. Since my essence is Unity, I share Love and Peace wholly. Knowing the Unity of Whole Love and Peace with All is the essence of holiness. I choose to be aware, to understand and to Know my Whole and Holy Self, which is Love.


I am very thankful for wise friends.

As you probably are aware, we humans are not “just a body”. We are a mind, emotions, and a Soul, or Spirit. Each of these aspects of us receive and transmit energy, and we have an “energy field” for each of these aspects, often called an aura. Some people can sense the aura’s energy, some people can see it, some people can discern the very subtle variations between the mental aura, the emotional aura, the physical aura, and the spiritual, or etheric, aura.

Whether or not you are able to sense the energy, you are still receiving and transmitting it, and the energy is affecting you.

I am not currently able to sense energy fields to a large degree. To a small degree, yes–but I think of it more as empathy or simply paying attention to a person’s physical cues–so it may not be aura stuff. This is why I am thankful for wise friends, friends who have these perceptions, and can talk to me, support me, about energy stuff that is affecting me, but at such a subtle level I can’t explain it or wrap my head around it.

Through this Journey, I’ve been feeling mired down–not physically (my body feels good and energetic), not even emotionally (my emotions have been “normal” or “even”). The mire has been more mental and etheric (at least that is what I now understand after emailing with a wise-friend). He confirmed what I wrote about yesterday: that I am growing into something new, the old is out-of-place, and there are some expansion pains.

In this transition, I have not wanted to think (very unlike me); I have not wanted to do anything that requires mental effort. I have also not wanted to do many of my usual spiritual practices–they feel wrong. The only real spiritual practices that I have been doing are 1. this Journey (which has been difficult for me to delve into mentally/emotionally) 2. Baths (“Hara Ganga”!) 3. Fire. 4. physical work while trying to keep my mind on God 5. fasting one day per week. That’s it.

It seems like the physical practices are ones that I can do, but the mental/emotional practices feel like the spiritual equivalent of rubbing my palm with sandpaper–they just do not feel good.

My friend described feeling the energy like “walking through tar”. Everything is heavy, and slow. That’s how I feel. When a new self/new energy is emerging, it’s important to be patient, loving, and generous with yourself. That is pretty much what my goal was for this Journey. But at the beginning, I had no idea what I was getting myself in to!

He reminded me to “allow the disintegration” (of the lower/ego/selfish-self), and he recommended that, if I feel I need to, it’s okay to just stop doing my spiritual practices. He explained that sometimes, pushing oneself, only irritates the process and enrages (like adding fuel to a fire) those parts that are having “growing pains”.

This feels right to me, though I do not feel like I need to stop all my practices. I feel like I need to do the ones that feel ok–the physical practices. There have been many days over the past 6 weeks when I have been so comforted and relaxed doing the most mundane things, like laundry, mowing the yard, or dishes.

I have also really been enjoying eating (a very physical thing, though not generally a spiritual practice!). I know that sounds a bit odd, but it wouldn’t if you knew me: I don’t generally enjoy food. I am more utilitarian when it comes to food: I eat for nourishment. But this summer, I have been really enjoying food. And I’ve not given myself a hard time about it–I’ve been letting myself take pleasure in food. I am not sure how this fits with the transition, but I am ok with enjoying this lesson.


Expansion Pains -Healing (1.4.36)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

As I unite in consciousness with my own Loving Presence, I unite with Divine Mind. Divine Mind is Infinite Being—it is now, here, always. I exist in Divine Mind, as It does in me, united forever—One. It leads me to Itself through my consciousness of my Self: my consciousness of my Self, as Infinite Being, is Oneness with Divine Mind, is my Peace, is my Wholeness, is my Unity with All.


Only 4 days left after today. How are you doing to finish this Journey? Are things coming together for you? Are you seeing connections with earlier parts of the Journey? If you are, great! If you are not, don’t worry. The Journey is and does what is meant to be and do. Remember that, as with a physical journey, you don’t always notice every step. Think of the last time you traveled more than 100 miles. Do you remember every moment? No…probably not. You remember the beginning, the end, and maybe some relevant parts of the middle, but mostly, you remember leaving and arriving. That’s sort of how it is with these Journeys. You begin; you end. And often, the end is a new beginning after all, because these Journeys track the ultimate journey of life. The “middle” of these Journeys can last a long time (at least they can for me, since I never really stop Journeying). So the changes come quietly and subtly. But then out of the blue, you will notice. And you’ll think, “huh, how about that? I don’t do that anymore”. Or “I’ve changed…”

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. “I’ve changed”. I am not the same person I was when I began these Journeys almost 5 years ago. But I can not for the life of me tell you exactly what is different. Somehow I am more patient, more observant, more attuned to people, more empathetic and responsive. These Journeys are not in your face. They are slow progressions that help you become aware of your own becoming, your own unfolding. Everyone is becoming and unfolding anyway…might as well be conscious of it, don’t you think?

With four days left to this Journey, I am not sure what I’ve accomplished. I’m not really sure where I’m at.

…So I just looked at what I wrote on the very first day of this Journey, the Why. Here is what I said:

40 days of nurturing and caring for myself, being gentle with myself, overlooking mistakes, giving myself some slack (not being so hard on myself (really, I need this)), and generally being Truly nice to (and patient with) myself, learning to be my Self.

Simple. No big hopes, dreams, or goals. No pressure. No expectations. Just nurturing and caring for myself and being gentle with myself…

And, you know what? That is what I have been doing. And it feels really weird.

Yesterday I wrote about my conflicts. Today, I was thinking about how indulgent I have let myself be since the beginning of June (ice cream, not working out, eating at restaurants more regularly, sloughing off work/responsibilites (that I impose on myself), having priorities that have to do with letting myself go to bed early and take naps. I have been behaving differently, as far as expectations, responsibilities, accomplishments, getting things done, etc.

When I wrote Yours in the Work, I was really feeling this– and I was really down on myself about it (so, not being so gentle with myself…that always needs work). Now I realize…

OMG… I have been doing exactly what I wrote/stated that I wanted to do on this Journey.  I just wasn’t paying enough attention, and therefore not cutting myself enough slack. I have been learning to be my Self, and dropping old identities, old ways of being, old expectations, old personas.

Who says I need to be responsible all the time? Who says I shouldn’t eat ice cream? Who says I need to work on “the next big thing”? These are just ideas that I have imposed on myself. And I can unimpose them.

Of course I might experience this as conflict, or as uncomfortable. It’s new to me! I don’t know who I am becoming. But if I am to begin to expand my awareness of who I am to coincide with how that Infinite and Eternal mind already Knows me–as Infinite and Eternal, then I have to go through some growing pains. (The bolded text is what I wrote on day 6 of this Journey, about this same Guiding Thought. Maybe everything does come together in the end.)


Becoming Materialistic? -Healing (1.4.35)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

My own Loving Presence is my personal connection with Divine Mind. Attuned to my own Loving Presence, I Know myself as Whole and Holy. As I feel my Inner Unity, I know: this is all I want; I have found all I seek.


I have had some real push-pulls (i.e. inner conflicts) lately.

  1. I am doing a Journey of Healing, but have really been enjoying my summer with ice cream (which is “unhealthy”), and I have not been exercising as much as I want to.
  2. I want to be productive, motivated, inspired, but I feel like I fritter away a lot of time.
  3. I write about being attuned, Inner Unity, “finding all I seek”, but I feel a void, unfulfilled.
  4. I am keeping the commitments that I made to myself (time for this Journey, Fire Ceremonies), but I don’t feel like that’s enough.

Do you ever feel like things just don’t match up?  You’re not where you want to be, where you think you “should” be? Do you ever wonder what the future holds for you, and how you will arrive at it? Have you ever been in a stalemate with yourself, wanting something to “give”, but everything coasts along without change?

I just found that last line a bit ironic, because “change is the only constant” has been a fairly recent theme. How is it that I can feel stagnant, if change is the only constant?

I wonder what is going on. I tune in to my life, and I listen, I look for guidance and direction, I pray…but I don’t have or get answers…not ones that I can recognize, anyway.

I keep doing the work, but it seems like the work isn’t working.

Do I need to change tactics?

I spent some time (frittering away) on some sales sites just earlier today. You know the stuff: Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino, all the “how to be a salesperson” hype. Who wants to do that? Yet, I was oddly drawn to it, even thinking, “maybe  I need to get out, hit the pavement, and make some cold calls”. There’s something appealing about learning persistence, going out and talking with people directly instead of online, having a product to sell, and getting immediate feedback. Old fashioned, isn’t it? Why do that instead of just setting up an online store?

It felt like a way to change tactics, to become involved in my own life in a different way, to interact with real people and to build relationships. How counter-intuitive in this digital-information age!

One of the things that I am working on (since Saturn entered Capricorn in December, 2017) is my material life–because Saturn in Capricorn is all about material progress. I spend a lot of time and energy on my spiritual life, but in order for that to “mean” anything the spiritual must come in to tangible (material) expression. At least, that is my opinion.

I have been a monk in many lifetimes, alone in a cave, not worrying about the material aspects of my spirit. But this life? It matters. Experiences matter. Relationships matter. Using the spiritual to live in the material world matters. The monk in me does not care…really. I don’t care about cars or wealth or material things, except to the extent that I need to live in this world. And I feel like that mindset–my monk’s past–has put me at a disadvantage. Sometimes I wish I could be more materialistic, in the sense of being motivated by material things.

I know enough about NLP, affirmations, and mental patterns that I believe I could just “shift” into caring about material things if I wanted to. But then, who would I be? Would I leave behind all I value if I did that? Not having these answers is a reason I haven’t tried this.

This theme has been in the background of my mind/life for this entire Journey. Maybe I should have shared it sooner. But it did not occur to me that becoming more materialistic has anything to do with healing.

But healing has to do with Inner Unity…and this is a part of me that is disparate, in conflict, and in need of reconciliation.

The Only Choice Today -Healing (1.4.34)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

To heal and be healed is to be aware, to understand, and to Know Wholeness.  Thus, I seek Wholeness, Unity, Oneness within my own mind and heart, and in all my actions and affairs. I focus on uniting the fragments within myself, so that I see only Oneness, which is the Truth of my Self. As I Know myself as the Oneness that I am, this Truth reflects in the world around me, confirming what I Know through my experience and life activity.


First I make a choice; I generate the thoughts that correspond to that choice, and then I experience the outcome of my choice through my perceptions of my activities, affairs, and interactions.

The Guiding Thoughts work through these three steps over and over and over, encouraging the choice of Wholeness, encouraging the thoughts that support Wholeness. Thoughts then direct the interpretation of experience so there can begin to be recognition of Wholeness/Unity/Oneness in life activities.

The recognition of Wholeness (awareness) in life activities strengthens the resolve to make the choice for Oneness and increases willingness to have thoughts of Unity and Oneness. This in turn brings greater awareness of Wholeness in life activity…and the cycle repeats.

For as long as there is any part of anyone that thinks it is separate…for as long as any choice is not aligned with Oneness…for as long as there is perception which precludes Knowing…I choose again and again and again to be One and Whole, with you, with All. It’s really the only choice there is.