My Self wills only to extend itself. Extending, sharing, and creating as Divine Love, through Divine Mind, is my sole purpose. My Self knows its fullness in Divine Love and wills only to liberate me to fulfill my purpose and my joy.
My Self is the True Reality of “me”. My Self is my Divine Self–always One with God.
God is the Great Creator. Love is both God and the energy of God’s creations, the force or vehicle by which God extends.
Everything is One with God. There is nothing God/Love did not create.
My Soul Purpose is to Know myself as this Self–One with God, One with Love, an extension of Love, created in, by, and through Love.
When this becomes my sole purpose (here’s that 100%), I will Know both Fullness and my Self as that Fullness.
If I do not know myself as full, if I am not aware of myself as One with God, One with Love, then I have limited and separated a part of myself, which then sees itself as less than 100%.
Love wants only to liberate me and bring me to 100% of understanding and knowing myself as Itself (Love).
I now invite, welcome, and receive the effects of Divine Love, and I am Truly grateful.
I experience Divine Mind as I experience these effects, and Divine Presence confirms itself in my life, activities and affairs.
I wrote this Journey in 2014. At that time, I had only just begun thinking how important it is to invite Divine Love and Divine Presence into my life and affairs. Now, six years and 3 Fulfillment Journeys later, after I’ve been using the phrase, “I invite, welcome, receive…” regularly, frequently, and I look back and remember there was a time when seeing the effects of the Divine in my life was not a regular, common occurrence.
Leonard Orr used to say, “the Divine is so ordinary It’s often overlooked”.
When I was studying with Leonard, 25 years ago, I took this to mean that I should pay more attention to ordinary, common things that I would often overlook in order to become more aware of the Divine in my Life. It became a mindfulness practice, to notice the Divine, to find the Divine in small things, in the base happenings of my life.
Now I understand this phrase very differently, and I am certain that it has to do with consciously inviting the effects of Divine Love into my normal, ordinary, base life more and more frequently over the past 6 years.
The way I now understand Leonard’s phrase is very akin to the Sixth Principle of Miracles, “Miracles are natural. When they do not occur something has gone wrong.”
I experience miracles every day. It’s hard to explain; it’s not like big things are happening. It’s not like time stands still or the heavens open, or I am “cured” of anything, or anything like that. There are basically 3 categories that I notice “miracles” in my life:
Something potentially really tragic or dangerous unfolds in front of me and I meet it with Peace, clarity, and equanimity. For example: When I was on the highway at 70mph and the truck ahead of me lost it’s tire, with one huge piece flying at me and several smaller pieces flying every which way. I just notice, breathe, and “see” where I can drive safely and do so. Or, another driving example: It was a dark and stormy night (yes, really), I was driving up Route 1 (NJ), with people in a hurry all around me going 50-55 bumper-to-bumper traffic. A car on my right cuts me off to pass the guy in front of him, then immediately slams on his brakes because traffic ahead is slowing down. Just before that happened, I “knew” he didn’t see me, knew he was going to cut me off, and I was prepared and slowed down in advance–he still almost hit my front bumper… I have several more of those kinds of stories. I always know that I am safe, that all is well, and–sometimes–I feel like I was put into those kinds of situations to remind people to slow down with “near misses”, to help them avoid a much worse situation in their future.
My life works…perfectly. What I mean is that big things in my life work out perfectly. Moving. Job. Finding a place to live. Meeting “the right” people. This is why/how I know that whatever happens with my relationship, it will be perfect. All is well. (This is not to say that I am immune to tough emotions, mind-disturbances, or uncomfortable situations–I have these, too, and I simply remain vigilant in keeping my mind focused as best I can on the Divine through these situations).
I notice that when I do have disturbed thoughts or feelings, or am in a disturbed situation, when I change my mind to invite the Divine, I handle the situation better than “I” could ever handle the situation. I’ve experienced this over and over. I turn my mind to God in the moment, and all is well. The situation smooths out, tensions dissipate, emotions reconcile, the other person becomes more peaceful. “Om Namah Shivaya”.
When the effects of Divine Love become usual, common, and ordinary, Miracles are experienced naturally, as life. When Miracles are experienced often, usually, as common, daily, ordinary interactions, it’s easy to “overlook” them. One way I notice the miracles in my life is by reminding myself, that others don’t experience life the way I do; other people have hardship and struggle. My life is good. So very good.
And one day, this will be the experience of everyone. Miracles are natural. Divine Love is Who We ARE. Divine Perfection is what we can expect. Always. All ways. This is Life.
I just had an unrelated thought that I’d like to share:
I’ve always thought of A Course in Miracles to mean something like, “A class-type format, which through study will teach a person what miracles are and how to live a miraculous life”. And, it is that.
My new thought changes the meaning of the word “course”, to mean “a route”, a path, a direction. So not only is A Course in Miracles a learning format, but it is also a course/route to Miracles. Not much different than a Journey, eh? 🙂
I’ve had a very enlightening breakthrough, unlike any other I’ve experienced in 5 years of Journeying. This breakthrough is threefold.
The content of the breakthrough
My awareness of the content
My understanding of how I have been lead to this point
All three of these go together, so here’s the story:
This begins all the way back on Day 1 of this Journey, when I was working out why this Journey is important to me. I wrote, “I must do nothing, and in doing nothing All is well. Everything is fulfilled. This, then, is Why a Journey of Fulfillment: Because All is fulfilled. All is filled full. I must do nothing. I have no goal, no sense for accomplishment, no want, no desire, beyond recognizing what is.”
This has been very difficult to maintain. Try doing nothing. Try taking no action to accomplish anything, taking no action to change a situation, doing nothing because “it’s good for you”. Try not doing anything spontaneously, impulsively, or habitually. Try to have no intention, other than living in the moment and recognizing Truth in that moment.
This is how I’ve been (not) acting. I have removed intention; I’ve removed having a goal; I’ve stopped wanting something, anything. I desire no particular outcome. Just over 3 weeks I’ve been doing this.
I feel the tug to do something. I stop myself from doing it. I feel like “this would be so cool”, and I stop myself from doing it. I think, “OH, but wouldn’t it be nice if >this happened< as a result of me >doing this<” and I don’t do it.
I can’t say it’s been hard, so much as it has taken great vigilance to recognize all the times that I want to do something in order to get something, then stopping myself. This speaks to #2 above: my awareness of the content. I have had to really stay on top of myself, on top of my impulses, my reasons for wanting to do something, so that I could make an informed decision in the moment. 3 weeks of this, day in, day out.
Then, (this is the being lead part), I was listening to A Course in Miracles, and I heard this (I will distill this for you below…):
Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you. For although the ego urges you again and again to get, it leaves you nothing, for what you get it will demand of you. And even from the very hands that grasped it, it will be wrenched and hurled into the dust. For where the ego sees salvation it sees separation, and so you lose whatever you have gotten in its name. Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you. For what you think you need will merely serve to tighten up your world against the light, and render you unwilling to question the value that this world can really hold for you. (Text is here.)
Often, ACIM is pretty dense, and I can only process bits and pieces of it at a time. Here are the bits and pieces that sunk in, deeply:
Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you…Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you.
This happened maybe 3 days ago. These words have been playing over and over in my head since then.
And then I realized. This is why I must do nothing. Anything I choose will hurt me, because my wants and needs are still dominated by ego. Or, in terms of ACIM, my mind still contains conflict, and while the conflict persists I cannot choose clearly, wholly (Holy), and purely. [FYI, the solution to this, according to ACIM, is to turn decisions over to the Holy Spirit, saying something like (for example): “The Holy Spirit leads me unto Christ, and where else would I go? What need have I but to awake in Him?”]
Then, over the past 24 hours, my impulse to do something shifted. Doing, as I’d been thinking of/experiencing it, meant taking an action, something physical. Over the past 24 hours, I began recognizing mental and emotional habits that were arising in order to get me to feel or think something.
It was not immediate, but after a relatively short time, I realized these thoughts/feelings were very similar to the physical impulses I’d been aware of these past three weeks. They have the same energy signature, so to say.
They were trying to convince me that my feelings were right (righteous), and that I needed to hold a grudge, feel used/abused/confused, feel put upon, angry, betrayed, and isolated. And do you see how those feelings are pretty obviously of the lower self? And yet, there was a part of me trying to convince me that I should claim (as in act upon) those feelings. That if I just let myself feel (and feel self-righteous in those feelings), I will gain, I will get something, I will win.
Thank goodness for my vigilance of the past 3 weeks; I called bullshit, and halted the “action” associated with those feelings.
Then, just today I had another amazing realization. By doing nothing, I am starving my ego. It has no control, it has no power, I am taking away what it feeds upon. I would not have understood this, if I hadn’t just spent 3 weeks denying it food. By diligently halting all actions associated with my lower self (including thoughts/feelings), I have loosened its power in ways that I don’t think I can even understand right now. I can just feel it. My lower self is pissed off, and hungry. Hangry. And it is doing everything it can in a last-ditch effort to try to get me to feed it, to strengthen it.
Thank God for awareness, understanding, and vigilance.
I don’t know where this now will lead. There are 12 days left to this Journey. A lot can happen. I look forward to finding out, and sharing with you!
I’ll leave you with this quote, in gratitude to you, from the same page of ACIM:
Healing in time is needed, for joy cannot establish its eternal reign where sorrow dwells. You dwell not here, but in eternity… Give thanks to every part of you that you have taught how to remember you. Thus does the Son of God give thanks unto his Father for his purity.
Ways to support this work:
Hire me as your Spiritual Coach, you may sign up for a personalized Journey with me Click here for more information. Or I offer 1-on-1 spiritual coaching sessions. This is non-religion specific, and open to everyone, even atheists, though of course we would call something like “self-analysis coach” for a self-identified atheist.
Indulge in one of my healing services: Jharra, Reiki, Fire Ceremony (see withpearls.com for more information).
I rely on my own Loving Presence to lead and guide me toward the meaning of healing. Seeking the meaning of healing frames all my activity and gives context to all my interactions. Though I may encounter disturbances throughout my daily activity, I lay them at the feet of my own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? My own Loving Presence directs me as I listen in the stillness.
Healing is not creating; it is reparation. The Holy Spirit promotes healing by looking beyond it to what the children of God were before healing was needed, and will be when they have been healed…The Holy Spirit is in you in a very literal sense. His is the Voice that calls you back to where you were before, and will be again. It is possible even in this world to hear only that Voice and no other. It takes effort and great willingness to learn. (A Course in Miracles, Chapter 5)
Here is what stands out to me today, both in the Guiding Thought, and in the Course in Miracles quote (which came up for me earlier today, out of the blue):
When a person seeks for healing, the seeking need not be blind, haphazard, arbitrary, or random. There are guides who know and can guide one to healing.
…but, “It takes effort and great willingness to learn”, which may be why healing seems like looking for a needle in a haystack. Most people a) don’t know where to turn for True help (one’s own Loving Presence and/or the Holy Spirit) and b) don’t want to make the effort. (Let me just note, that I am not conflating “Loving Presence” with “Holy Spirit”; however, I would assert that a person’s Loving Presence is the inner channel–a person’s personal radio-station, let’s say–to tune into the Holy Spirit.)
In other words, we don’t know what we are doing when it comes to healing. We try this, we try that; we listen to this guru, try that affirmation, take these pills, go on that retreat, buy this product, then that product, then the next product…because we don’t know what to do, so we have to try it all until “something works”. And here and there, something does work…we heal a bit, or feel a bit better, or get more energy, or relieve some pain.
This is why healing seems random and arbitrary, and sometimes is temporary. We are looking without a guide who Knows. Sure, some gurus, physicians, healers, can tap into Divine Source and give us really good information (which is then up to us to put into action); sometimes there are people who can help us connect with the Holy Spirit; but we have to find them, and in the meantime, the rest is trial and error. (See this page and this page for things that I find to “work” and that I use regularly to heal body-mind-soul…and to connect with God).
Until we go to the source of healing, the Voice of the Holy Spirit, and turn to God, we are relying on incomplete or inaccurate information; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. God–the Holy Spirit–always works. We just have to make the effort.
With this, I now have an even better understanding for why we begin each round of this Journey with really hammering home that healing needs to be approached “forgetting” everything we think we know, with empty hands, and as a blank slate.
We have to drop everything so that there is only the Holy Spirit’s Voice.
You are the Light of Love. Light saturates your mind and body, surrounding every thought, and radiating out to All. Everything radiates Light in return. Everywhere is Light. Rest in Peace, in Being Light.
“Rest in peace” is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping. Sleep is withdrawing; waking is joining. (A Course in Miracles)
Do not underestimate your power.
it’s not really “yours”, is it?
Do not underestimate the You of you.
Do not underestimate the power of Love and Light.
Yes, you are “just one person”.
So, what can you do?
You can be.
You can be who you are.
Do not underestimate who you are.
Do you know who you are? Do you know the depth, beauty, power, of You?
If you do not have an inkling, the tiniest bit of awareness or understanding of the enormity of Love and Light that is You,
then you are asleep, withdrawn from All that You Are.
But there is a part of you that does have this inkling. There is a part of you that nudges you, pushes you when It can,
to be more of Who You Are.
to be It.
You know this.
You are not asleep.
But neither are you awake.
Remember that “yoke” means “join together,” and “burden” means “message.” Let us restate “My yoke is easy and my burden light” in this way; “Let us join together, for my message is light.” (A Course in Miracles)
Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing. Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions. Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”? Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.
Today is a step-by-step day. So much of this Guiding Thought feels immediately relevant…one piece at a time:
Rely on your own Loving Presence to lead and guide you toward the meaning of healing.
I think of my Loving Presence as that which connects me with God. Sometimes I feel like I cannot connect directly with God, and so my Loving Presence acts as an intermediary. Sometimes I feel open enough and worthy enough to communicate directly with (what I think of as) God, and so my Loving Presence becomes that relationship, without the need for an intermediary.
Either way, I am constantly praying/talking to/looking up/in for my own Loving Presence and/or God.
I commented to a friend earlier today that I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God. This has not always been the case. Have I been guided and directed in the past? Yes. Absolutely. Have I trusted it? Yes–even then, yes. But here’s the clincher: in the past, when I have trusted the guidance and direction, there was not so much at stake; somehow life was “easier”, so trusting was “easier”.
Now… there is a lot going on in the world. The energy is amplified. Emotions are amplified. There is more “good” and more “bad” visibly mixing–and not always in peaceful ways. For many people there is so much at stake. Whether it is belief systems, political systems, a way of life, integrity, ego, families, jobs, the future…whatever it is for each individual person…something big is at stake. So everyone’s self-interest (or perceived self-interest) is clashing.
Now, trusting the Loving Presence to guide and direct is not easy, because there is so much swirling, constant chaos. How does one slow down enough from all of this crap going on in the world to listen, to pay attention, to follow any guidance?
It is within this context that I can say, “I have begun to trust–and rely on–the guidance and direction that I receive from my own Loving Presence/God”.
I know that I am being guided. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around it, or to know exactly what to do or when to do it. But my faith and trust are stronger than they’ve ever been.
Seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all your activity and to give context to all your interactions.
Why? Why do this? Why seek the meaning of healing and allow it to frame all my activity and interactions?
Because sickness is Lovelessness. Sickness is separation. Sickness is apathy. These things permeate the world right now. It is up to us to eradicate them. How do we eradicate them? By seeking healing. Every moment. Every day. Every interaction. Seek Love. Seek Unity. Seek Care and Compassion.
Though you may encounter disturbances throughout your daily activity, lay them at the feet of your own Loving Presence and continue to ask, “What is healing”?
Today I have not “encountered disturbances”. Today has been one continuous disturbance. What is wrong with people? What is wrong with the World–with the United States in particular–that children are traumatized as families are torn apart?
This is not a time for attaching to these emotions. It’s a time to be aware. be alert. and seek healing.
I have laid these disturbances at the feet of my own Loving Presence through constantly reminding myself
I do not understand anything I see
These thoughts do not mean anything.
My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.
I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
A meaningless world engenders fear.
God did not create a meaningless world.
All of this crap going on in the world is a mass purging. Vomit is not pleasant, but generally you feel better afterward. What we are experiencing is the vomit–and who knows how long this will go on. But see it for what it is, let it all out, and know that the vomit is not the end game–it’s just a way to get us to feeling better.
Your own Loving Presence directs you, as you listen in the stillness.
Just keep on with this. It can be difficult to listen in stillness when there is so much high-emotion going on everywhere, with everyone. It’s hard to get centered, hard to remain centered. Just do the best you can. Listen as best you can. Know that your own Loving Presence is directing you. All is as it should be (believe it or not). Do your best. Keep seeking. Keep going. Have faith, as you have never had it before.
I give today to Light. I feel the Light within pour forth; I feel my radiance, my glow. I see—with my inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all I encounter, all my words, and all my actions. I watch as others resonate with me, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of my own. To all beings and all situations today, I offer only light, and learn, as I do, the Wholeness of my Self.
One follow-up comment from yesterday: Yesterday, I mentioned feeling angry and embarrassed at being wrong about a practice I have been doing for a very long time. There is a flip side to those feelings: I also feel more free and very grateful. I acknowledge that doing the practice in the way that I was doing it (the “wrong” way), I learned, I grew; it lead me; it got me to a new place; ultimately, it accomplished what practices accomplish–moving me through ego-burdens and showing me a new level, or state, of Freedom. But then I outgrew the “wrong” way, and I’ve have now been given the next level, the next step.
In A Course in Miracles, there is a reassurance that not only does the Holy Spirit unify all, but It also utilizes everything for Its Highest Purpose, when those things are given to It. Even in doing the practices “wrong”, my intention has always been: purification, nearness to God, for the benefit of All, with everything offered to God. I feel like I’ve received a tangible demonstration for “how this works”. And for that I am truly grateful.
I want to be a vehicle through which the Divine enters the world to love and serve All Life. But, there is a bit of a paradox here that I have been mentally working through (on and off) for a while, and today’s Guiding Thought has brought it up.
Here it is, as best I can explain it: “I” cannot do anything for the Divine to enter the world or, as the Guiding Thought indicates, to give Light. If “I” do something, then whatever I give is not of Light, or of the Divine. “I” must put myself aside, so that IT (the Divine, or Love, or Light) is doing what It does naturally, without me, yet through me.
There are two examples that I turn to when mulling this over. The first is something my Reiki master says: Reiki is always available. You do not “push” the energy, you do not “give” the energy. You make the energy available, simply by being. It’s the other person’s body/energy that recognizes the energy is available, and then pulls it through you”.
The second is the fifth Principle of Miracles: Miracles are habits, and should be involuntary. They should not be under conscious control. Consciously selected miracles can be misguided.
In both of these examples “I” am not in control; “I” am not doing anything. If “I” do something the energy is impure, or misguided.
But I have prepared. I have attuned my energy and my chakras to receive and transmit Reiki; and I have purified, and continue to do so, to allow the Holy Spirit to direct miracles through me (the seventh Principle of Miracles: “Miracles are everyone’s right, but purification is necessary first”).
Even though I understand these things intellectually, through these two examples, I find that in a more general sense–like the Guiding Thought– “I” continue to want to do something…which would only inhibit what I really want to accomplish, because if “I” do something, we’re back to impure or misguided.
It does not help that with Reiki, with Miracles, and with being a vehicle for the Divine to enter the world it often happens that you don’t get to see (or perceive) the results. Speaking for myself, this leads me to wonder, “Is anything happening?” “Did ‘I’ do anything?” “Was anything accomplished?” “Why do I spend so much time purifying/praying/making myself ‘ready’?”
I never actually “see—with my inner eye—this light envelop and infuse all I encounter”; I never “watch as others resonate with me, their light growing brighter in the sanctity of my own.” To me, these are visualizations that promote the feeling of what happens, but they are not literal (have you had a different experience?).
This is why it’s easy (I think) for people to not be diligent, to not be faithful, to think that this energy-stuff is all hooey. I get it, really I do.
What I can do–and what is important to me today about the Guiding Thought–is that I can give today to Light–all my thoughts, words, feelings, and actions can be dedicated and devoted to Light.
As for me, I choose to believe it. I choose to believe that when I invoke light, light shows up. When It shows up, it’s available for Everyone, should their bodies and energy choose to pull it in, should their Higher Selves choose to utilize it (and why wouldn’t they!?), should the Holy Spirit choose to direct it on behalf of the Divine.
I have to admit, I believe also that I have come a long way in learning about Love, learning about Wholeness, learning about my Self, because I practice this. Maybe this is merely a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe nothing is “happening”. But I would rather spend my time and energy promoting Love, Peace, Wholeness, Healing than anything else. That’s good enough for me.
If we are to be our Self in the world, we must be for others as well as ourselves. There is no other. We are willing to be receptive to the Infinite Love of All. We are willing to understand how we must rise above the struggles and pains of the world. We are willing to rise again and again with each call for help, each outstretched hand. We are willing to be the ones to choose to change. We offer our pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation, into the light of Love that we may see and give only the light of Love always.
I had an incredibly emotionally uneventful day. Such a welcome after the past four weeks! Maybe it’s the japa I’ve been doing; I can–by now–feel my mind sort of tighten, like it’s flexing after a session of strength-training, when I do a lot of japa. I am very thankful for japa. It’s one of those things that whenever I leave it alone for a period of time (as I have for the past 2 months or so, even though I’ve been doing other mantra practices), and then come back to it, I always wonder how I stopped, because it just feels so good.
My practices, my “little devotions” as I now like to call them, are often in flux. There are several that are my backbone practices– bathing, breathing, japa or mantra. Then, there are others that come and go and come again like the spiral dance, yoga, Sacred Geometry, Om meditation, Violet Flame meditation, sitting with fire, orthodox prayers, etc. I am hoping that the fire ceremonies become a backbone practice, but I have not been doing them long enough to know.
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t or can’t just stick to one practice, like all those folks who have been meditating for 20+ years. I used to worry about it. I used to have this definition about spiritual practices that said “you must choose a practice; you must do that practice.”
But I decided that my practice–my devotion— is God. Seeking God. Living a life worthy of God. Doing what is pleasing to God. With this, everything can become a practice, or a devotion. Life is the devotion.
I felt good about this insight when I read this in A Course in Miracles:
Use all the little names and symbols which delineate the world of darkness. Yet accept them not as your reality. The Holy Spirit uses all of them, but He does not forget creation has one Name, one meaning, and a single Source which unifies all things within Itself. Use all the names the world bestows on them but for convenience, yet do not forget they share the Name of God along with you.
We live in this world together. Despite our different bodies, we are unified, sharing the name of God.
If we are to be our Self in the world, we must be for others as well as ourselves.There is no other.
We are willing to be receptive to the Infinite Love of All.
Our struggles and pain divide us; these things take our attention away from the Infinite Love of All, and “demand” that we focus on ourselves. This is why we must rise above the struggles and pains of the world.
This is why we must understand our worthiness, understand our unity, and offer our pain, suffering, guilt, and blame up for transformation (healing!).
Only then can we rise to aid those with outstretched hands. Only then can we love our brothers and sisters as ourselves. Only then can we truly do unto others as we would have them do unto us.
And life itself becomes devoted to seeing and giving only the light of Love always.
We know our Self when we share our Self. As we give our Self, we see our Source returned to us. All that is Whole, all that is Beauty, all that is Holy, reflects back to us in the Joy of Being, in the brilliance of Life, in the Unity of Self. We choose to share only the Self of Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy, that we may Know our Self as Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy.
I’ve felt this spinning-panic-detached cycle for, yeah, since the Journey began. First my mind spins–while I’m watching it, so I don’t let it get too out of control, then, maybe because I reign it in, it goes into a panic. Then, I pray or do a fire ceremony, and I seem to calm down a bit…but the spinning has lingered in the wings almost constantly. I’ve gone through this cycle about 4 full times in the past 3 weeks.
I am currently verging on another episode of panic. I keep it at bay, but I can feel it ready to spill out.
You see, there’s this “thing” that I want. And I never want things. I always, always want God, and spiritual right-mindedness more than I want things. I cannot even think of a time when I wanted something like this. It’s not like desire, or envy, or possession, or clinging to some-thing. It’s like there’s so much at stake, so much that hinges on this thing; I have so much invested in this thing.
Is this what people feel and go through when things have this much significance to them? Is this why it’s so hard for people to pull themselves up into spiritual thoughts and right-mindedness?
Because as I am “here” in this place, watching myself, aware of my own mind, it is really hard to stay focused on what I really want: God and right-mindedness.
From A Course in Miracles:
Both Heaven and earth are in you, because the call of both is in your mind. The Voice for God comes from your own altars to Him. These altars are not things; they are devotions. Yet you have other devotions now. Your divided devotion has given you the two voices, and you must choose at which altar you want to serve. The call you answer now is an evaluation because it is a decision. The decision is very simple. It is made on the basis of which call is worth more to you. (ACIM T-5.II.8)
And this brings me to gratitude.
First, I am so grateful for my spiritual practices, including these Journeys. In this moment of “divided devotion”, I have practices (devotions) that I have been doing for a long time (some longer than others…), and I can turn to them. Practices demonstrate devotion; practices act-out where place my value; practices declare to the universe what I really want. And I need that now. I need to be able to rely on tradition, and constancy, using what I have established as strength in devotion to pull me through this.
Second, I am thankful that I have developed some small faith in God. It is currently a bit hard to tap into it (and I have talked to God about my faltering), but I acknowledge that I want to rely on Him, and trust Him, and that I can “let it be” (though waiting with patience is also very difficult at the moment).
Third, I am thankful for God and my relationship with the Divine. I think this situation is only strengthening this relationship.
Accept your Father’s gift. It is a Call from Love to Love, that It be but Itself. The Holy Spirit is His gift, by which the quietness of Heaven is restored to God’s beloved Son. Would you refuse to take the function of completing God, when all He wills is that you be complete? (Lesson 281)
I love myself for the Truth within me. The Truth within me Knows me for who I am—Pure Love, Only Love, beyond all valuing of the world. In Love all are equal, for we are One. This is how Truth Knows me—Pure, One, and Free. This is my Truth; this is our Truth; this is the Self I love.
I do love myself for the Truth within me! I can feel that in my heart, radiating outward, and I can feel it deeply in the fibers of my muscles, in the marrow of my bones.
There was a period of time when I was doing a lot of physical-emotional work; the language we used in one of the processes was, “Where do you feel that (anger-guilt-sorrow-etc) in your body?” The body holds onto those emotions and as we feel something, the body reacts to the feeling. At the time, I had a lot of subconscious anger–the kind just under the surface: seething, fuming–that is hard to put a finger on consciously. But when prompted, I could identify where the anger was located in my body (bicep to bicep, right across the chest…), and work through it from its physical side, instead of relying on my brain to figure it out.
It occurs to me that in that work, we never did the flip-side; we never asked where joy or peace or motivation or enthusiasm was located. Now I am doing it, and now I have something new to pay attention to!
This Guiding Thought is a little sneaky. Do you see it?
It starts with the hook, the feel-good moment, “I love myself for the Truth within me”–you can see from my first line that I swallowed it. Who could be opposed to that? If it stopped at simply, “I love myself”, some people could object; the little voices of self-negation, self-loathing, self-hating, would be able to object. But those voices can’t object to “I love myself for the Truth within me“. Someone might be able to deny the Truth within them…temporarily, which would lead to disagreeing with this statement. But anyone doing this work recognizes the Truth within them to some degree–and wants to love themselves! Gotcha. Hook, line, sinker.
Then, instead of going into more about loving myself, it goes into how the Truth within me sees (Knows) me. Pure Love. Only Love. Beyond all valuing of the world. And this feels so good. By what standards can the world judge Pure Love? The Truth of who I Am is so much bigger than anyone or anything in and of the world will ever understand. Finally. Someone sees me for me.
Then this feeling, this Self-valuing gets extended to everyone. This is the check on any narcissistic, selfish, little-self propensities. In Love all are equal, for we are One. I love myself for the Truth within me, and I love you for that same Truth.
The last line is what I was referring to as being a “sneaky”. This is my Truth; this is our Truth; this is the Self I love. It starts saying “I love myself for the Truth within me”, referring to the little self, capturing the attention of the ego, drawing it in, giving it a boost of the attention of love. Then in the last line >kaboom!< it’s not the little self at all; the Self I love is the only Self I AM, the Self of Pure Love.
But by the time I get to the last line, my little self is already invested: I do love myself for the Truth within me! I can feel that in my heart, radiating outward, and I can feel it deeply in the fibers of my muscles, in the marrow of my bones.
Even the little self wants Pure Love, the Truth of itself.
There is no living thing (even the little self) that does not share the universal Will that it be whole, and that you do not leave its call unheard. Without your answer is it left to die, as it is saved from death when you have heard its calling as the ancient call to life, and understood that it is but your own. The Christ in you remembers God with all the certainty with which He knows His Love. But only if His Son is innocent can He be Love (and this is why we have a little self in the first place: feelings of guilt have usurped our natural Pure Love, and we be believe in our guilt more than our Love). For God were fear indeed if he whom He created innocent could be a slave to guilt. God’s perfect Son remembers his creation. But in guilt he has forgotten what he really is.