Allowing vs. Making -Healing (1.4.38)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.

Reflection

Always remember that nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time. Take heart! -Dharma Mittra

I have so far to go. There are so many people in the world doing such great work, advancing themselves, teaching, being loving and compassionate, sharing it, bringing all that into the world. Wow. Om Namo Namah. I bow to you. Thank you for your contribution.

This is why I needed to add the quote at the top. It’s a reminder to myself that evolution takes time; I may not be as far along the path as I think I should be, or comparatively as far as some people, but I must remind myself: this is my path, no one else’s. I have to walk it as only I can. and, as I say, “every drop counts, every step matters”–each day, every little thing that I do to contribute to my growth and evolution, to becoming the person I know I am, matters.

And, honestly? I love my path. I love what I do and who I am…but I also get frustrated and impatient with myself because think I “should be” doing more. This Journey is really helping me with this. I am allowing myself to evolve (heal), rather than trying to make myself evolve.

Can you feel that difference? Allowing vs. making? One is an easy opening, the other is a forcing, prying. What happens when something is allowed? It happens gently, naturally. What happens when something is forced? There is resistance, pushing back.

It’s the same feeling when I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me.

How do I make my decision to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self? Do I do it with an attitude of allowing or making? Do I open myself joyfully to my Whole and Holy Self, or do I feel like I have to really work at making myself decide to be aware of my Self’s inner activity?

When I am “too hard” on myself, when I think I am not going far enough, fast enough, I try to make myself go further, faster.

There is a certain amount of “pushing” myself that is positive/healthy: that is a pushing through the ego, not pushing against the process or the Inner Self.

So there is a level of awareness that I must bring to pushing myself, to make sure I do not overstep pushing through the ego into pushing through the process. The first subdues the ego, the second sabotages the process, through creating unwanted resistance.

I am often very hard on myself. That is one of the reasons that the goals for this Journey were simply to be kind to myself. I need to learn to be more gentle, loving, and patient with myself.

Although I am often hard on myself, I rarely overstep, and most often, I am pushing through a block or an ego-construction. But, when I do overstep and sabotage my process by being too hard on myself, I must step way back to recover.

It’s possible that I have been in a position for much of this Journey of stepping back, learning to allow, which has not been a “normal” thing for me. Perhaps one of the things I have been accomplishing, not even realizing it, is creating a new pattern, new neurological pathways for allowing. This would include being patient with myself, being gentle with myself, being accepting of myself.

…Which would be good, because I have a long way to go!

 

“Easy Going”: Journey of Abundance 2.0 – Day 29

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Divine abundance expresses infinitely through our own Divine Presence. When we identify with our Divine Presence, we open the floodgates and Divine Abundance flows naturally, easily, and effortlessly through us, materializing all good in our lives and affairs.

Sharing

I spent 1991-1994, working for the USDA Forest Service, building trails in the wilderness of the Sierra National Forest (“Wilderness” is an official designation. It means an area in which motors or mechanized machines are not allowed. This includes things like wheel-barrows, chain saws, etc. All the trails we built were completely by simple tools and our own physical strength. Check out my first publication, on one of the projects we did here.)

I hiked in a lot of different terrain, under a lot of different conditions. Now, when I think about how I am experiencing a Journey, I usually have a type of terrain in mind. For the most part this is the type of terrain I think of:

Easy climb

The red arrow is a slow, easy climb. It’s definitely an incline, continuing UP, but the soil is easy to walk on, there are a few rocks around, but not too steep and no major hindrances or obstacles. (This photo is from the book the blue arrow shows where the old trail is, which is a steeper climb, with rocks in the way that make foot-placement difficult.) On most Journeys, I am on a path about like the red-arrow–always climbing, without too much trouble.

Sometimes, the Journey feels more like this:29 Rough terrain

This is terrain where it’s hard to get a foothold, the climb feels arduous, and I may ask, “is it worth it?” (You know what my answer always is…). Fortunately, when I am in terrain like this (calling out the skeptic, the doubt, the uncertainty), it usually only lasts a day or two, then I am back to “normal” terrain (like above).

This Journey, however, I am in new terrain. Here is what it feels like on this Journey, mostly:

29 smooth and easy

Smooth and easy! I’d say “sailing”, if it didn’t look so much like a desert! There is almost no incline, which makes it an easy walk, barely even a hike. The ground is uniform, so there is no need to pay a lot of attention to where I am putting my feet. I’m just going, one foot in front of the other.

When I was hiking, there would come points where the hike put me in a trance. I suspect it’s similar to what runners feel, when they go for miles and miles. There is just this peace, and innate understanding that you’re on the path, you’ll arrive when you arrive, and there’s nothing to think about, worry about or, do–other than put one foot in front of the other.

This is my terrain today, yesterday, the day before. One foot in front of the other.

“On This Rock I Stand”: Journey of Abundance 2.0 – Day 22

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We choose to expand our consciousness and open our heart to Divine Love’s flow within us. Realizing our own Divine Presence, we know God as the Source and Fulfillment of all our good.

 

Sharing

I choose! Yes, I do. I choose to expand my consciousness and open my heart to Divine Love’s flow. Can you feel how powerful that statement is? How powerful making the choice is? In that sentence, in that choice, is the decision to say yes to the Highest Love possible, and say yes to allowing that Love to flow through you.

When you say yes right here, right now, well, that’s a start. The idea is to say yes continually, in every millisecond; say yes with your heart, your mind, your being, without having to think about it; say yes in all situations, to all people.

When you choose Divine Love, you make a stand, and take a stance. You are proclaiming to the world what you want, and what you will accept in your life. Divine Love is your standard! Accept nothing less!

Yet, the world (and people…) can be cruel, or ignorant, or selfish, and when they see you standing tall, taking your stance, and living the highest life that you are able to at this time, they can want to pull you down. They can (even under the guise of “your best interest”) try to shake you, try to turn you to change your mind and redirect your yes to Love, toward petty, mundane emotions, interactions, or desires.

What will you allow into your life? What will you allow into your mind? Be strong. Know what YOU want and accept nothing less. Stand on your rock, proclaim your dedication to Love, claim your Self. Let nothing shake you…Even you.

Sometimes, even your own fears, doubts, or expectations can insert themselves into your mind, and ask you to accept something less than Divine Love, your highest standard. Sometimes you can attack yourself…under “your own best interest”. Reject low standards, even when they come from within your mind. Remember your choice.

Why do I make this choice here? Why do I give voice to the doubt, the skeptic, the fears here?  Because here is neutral territory, where I can see what’s going on. It’s okay for me to listen to the voices within me here; when they speak here, I can recognize them “out there”. And in recognizing them out there, I can see them for what they are and make my choice with clarity.

“There’s a Reason for this Sunshine Day”: Journey of Abundance 2.0 – Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

 

Guiding Thought

Increasing your thoughts of Love and your attitude of service dispels all fear of lack and limitation. As you serve more people with Love, money and wealth flow abundantly to you. Use money and wealth with Love and Wisdom to create a life you love through your highest vision.

Sharing

There’s something to be said for having a heat index of 106 and no air conditioning–iced tea, cold packs from the freezer, and nothing, absolutely nothing, urgent enough for me to sweat over (literally and figuratively). This has been a weekend when it has been okay to do nothing, except enjoy doing nothing.

I’ve forgotten how relaxing it is, when my brain agrees with doing nothing, and I am not always thinking, “I need to do this…then I need to do that.” This is what giving myself permission to relax feels like.

Part of relaxing entailed spending a good bit of time with my inner child, coloring the Guiding Thought. My brain was fine with relaxing, I didn’t want to engage it, if I didn’t have to.

What struck me while coloring is that there is a balance between serving (i.e. doing) and allowing. There is not a direct connection between these in the Guiding Thought, but I think it’s inherent that if you serve more people with Love, you then must allow the flow to come to you. If you don’t allow it, the flow is there, you’ve just shut the gates.

I was surprised that my picture today depicts every line of the Guiding Thought. My Love is increasing…I am serving more people (doing work that I love, I might add), all of which exists in a natural flow of wealth and abundance (the green/blue wavy lines), then I stroll along happily, creating a life according to my highest vision.

Remember, if you are coloring, it is not about the accuracy of the drawing, the preciseness of your images, getting all the details correct, or any of those things your adult brain might be telling you. It’s about playfully communicating with you inner-child, your Spirit, your sub-conscious, your most sincere, honest depth of YOU. Your Inner Self knows what you need an want. Let it communicate with you in this open, playful, fun way. Just let yourself flow.

IMG_20160814_134212

 

Feel the flow:

“Benching the Brain”–Journey of Abundance 2.0 – Day 08

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My mind and heart focus entirely on the Divine Presence I Am. I think, I speak, and I act in accordance with Divine Will, releasing Divine Substance into all my activity and all my financial affairs.

Sharing

Much like yesterday, my mind felt convoluted by the Guiding Thought; however, today, I was able to recognize that the Guiding Thought makes good sense: it is not convoluted, I am.

It’s a good thing. My brain is scrambling to re-order itself in a new way. That’s it.

I went through several minutes while listening to the Guiding Thought, wondering if I was supposed to embrace the scrambling being done, or insert my logical brain, and enlist it to focus.

I chose the first and embraced the scrambling. Maybe it’s closer to say I just went with it; my brain already felt convoluted, so I allowed my mind to check out—not to become passive, but I gave it permission not to think. I gave it permission to not try to figure out how my mind and heart focus on Divine Presence, not try to understand how thinking or speaking in accordance with Divine Will releases Divine Substance, not try to figure out how Divine Substance shows up in activity and financial affairs.

Yup. I let it go.

I listened and colored, while giving my heart and my abstract mind permission to be. They were a little surprised. No, they were a lot surprised.

In fact, they were so surprised they did not know what to do. They get so little practice at having free reign. Even when I am coloring on most days, I still keep my rational, logical brain in charge (this represents >this<, that represents >that<, etc.), but not today.

And nothing made any sense in my drawing. Even the words that came out in the drawing made no sense. (I’ve debated whether or not to share it >smh< because my rational brain has been telling me how terrible and stupid it is, but I will continue with today’s trend of keeping my mind out of it: the picture is at the very end).

And, you know what? I’m going to choose to allow myself to not make sense. I am going to let my abstract mind and my heart do some figuring out for me. Because, you know why? My rational mind needs all the help it can get. It apparently doesn’t know it, but it does. Up ‘til now, my rational mind has been all shoulders-back, chest puffed up, walking around like it’s the boss, and it really needs to just be put in its place, and allow the mind and heart to do what they do best, give the rational mind some help, and work on scrambling and re-ordering.

I hope, soon, I will be able to elaborate on “just be put in its place, and allow the mind and heart to do what they do best”… What is the rational mind’s place? What do the heart and the abstract mind do best? Even with the rational mind on the bench, it wants the answers to these questions. It wants to know what it does best (you see, even with it on the sidelines, the rational mind made the connection that if there’s something that the heart and abstract mind do best, then there is something the rational mind does best, what is it???); I can sense it wants to help, there’s an excitement in it about that, about doing what it does best.

These answers will need to wait. In order to answer, I would need to enlist that rational mind, and it’s

 

08

 

No Freak-out…Really: Journey of Courage – Day 14

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

You are safe in Divine Love’s assurance. Have the courage to face the ignorance and illusions within yourself and root them out. Allow the Light of Love to enter your mind and heart. Divine Love shines within you destroying anything false, transforming you from within.

Sharing

“You are safe in Divine Love’s assurance.” I’ve been feeling this in a new way on this Journey. It’s day 14 and I have not freaked out. That’s something.

If you remember, one of my recent “themes” has been working on trust. When I am “working on” something, there seems to be ups and downs. I experience things that bring out the very “problem” I am working on, I go through a bit of a tumultuous period, then things smooth out and I come to a point of clarity and/or peace. For the moment, I don’t feel like I am working on trust. I simply feel that I trust.

Yes, I know this does not represent an ultimate trust—I still have things I am working on. I am still working on trusting the Divine with financial matters as I move into greater and greater spiritual service; I am still working on my highest work; I am working on really listening to the Divine inner voice; I am working on personal health and aliveness; I am still working on releasing attachments. But for now, it is a reprieve, a spot along the path in which to rest in the sun.

It feels like I’ve gotten somewhere and now I am being given the assurance that I have what it takes to move forward.

In a way that’s a little scary. What’s next? You know that saying, “God doesn’t give you a problem without also giving you the strength to handle it”. Does that mean as you grow stronger your problems get bigger?

Okay, I’m being a little facetious with that, but I’ve learned it’s good to let the voices express their concerns. The concern in this moment is I won’t be able to handle something that comes up, something that has come up because I’ve become stronger, more trusting. Would that mean I would turn away from wanting to be strong or more trusting? Of course not; the only direction is forward. So, I think I am going to enjoy my reprieve and not think about it, not worry about some future what if-concern-problem my mind is pre-emptively reacting to before it’s happened. Silly mind. Sit back. Rest!

I feel like this reprieve is very much connected to both yesterday’s remarks about being devoted to Love, as well as the days of the last Journey about “being with the Love that is always with me”. And today I’ve gotten more. Love is always with us, but it’s up to us to accept it, allow it, and receive it. Since Love is constantly giving of itself infinitely, every little bit we let in (being with it, being devoted to it), allows it to give us more. That’s what I feel has been happening on this Journey. I’ve been opening up, and Love has been giving me more of itself…and I’ve been able to receive it.

It’s so subtle! Is it really that remarkable that it’s day 14 and I haven’t freaked out? Yes, because I have felt supported, loved, assured. Little things have been “happening” that just feel right, feel synchronous —small things I could easily overlook, but I want to see Love’s activity in my life. I am looking for it; I want to participate with Love consciously.

This feeling of being loved and assured is a direct result of the work I’ve been doing. That’s my intuition talking. I feel like this is a response. My mind does not know what to make of it or what it means, and I’m not letting my mind get in the way. I’m just going to rest here and let it be, let Love be…in me.

 

 

 

Journey of the Heart – Day 36

We are on round 4! These last ten days, the Guiding Thoughts return to using me and I for the pronouns. See how your perspective of your self has changed through using you or we the past twenty days. See if your sense of self is bigger; if you can include a broader vision of “you”.

You may also choose to continue to take a moment before the Journey to listen to this quickly—it is a thought for others, so that the effects of this Journey ripple out!

__________________________________________________________________________

Spend about 15-20 minutes with the guiding thought, and then let your heart speak through words, pictures, colors, shapes, whatever feels right. I’ve supplied a link below to an audio of me doing the guiding thought–use it if you like to create, while listening to it play on a loop (that’s what I do). Scroll to the bottom for my sharing…

Day 36 Guiding Thought

I listen to my heart and with my heart.

My heart pays attention to others, listening to their inner voice, their unspoken words.

I care, and attend with love to their deeper, silent needs, asking their heart, “How may I strengthen you and raise your energy?”

Click here to access the audio file.

You can download this and play it in a loop while you allow your heart to speak to you :).   I suggest Windows Media Player (I have not tested other players).

Journey of the Heart - Day 36 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 36
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

I had a bit of a “duh” moment when beginning today’s drawing. I was listening to the Guiding Thought before putting crayon to paper when I realized something: so far on this Journey, I’ve focused this Guiding Thought on other people’s hearts…but not on my own. Despite the first line saying, “I listen to my heart,” I have only been focused on listening with my heart on this day of each round. My heart was telling me it wanted to be heard.

On the one hand, I thought this was a bit ironic, since this whole Journey is about kindling a relationship with, and expressing, my heart. Yet…there it was…my heart, telling me it was feeling overlooked. On the other hand, when I tuned in to this, I really did feel that I was missing something important.

Now, after the past bit of time struggling on this Journey (see yesterday’s post!), today’s feeling and drawing are very helpful and comforting. This drawing is all about the gentle, compassionate enfolding of my own heart; soothing myself, being gentle with myself, having patience with myself, accepting myself.

>Breathing easy now<