Allowing vs. Making -Healing (1.4.38)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.

Reflection

Always remember that nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time. Take heart! -Dharma Mittra

I have so far to go. There are so many people in the world doing such great work, advancing themselves, teaching, being loving and compassionate, sharing it, bringing all that into the world. Wow. Om Namo Namah. I bow to you. Thank you for your contribution.

This is why I needed to add the quote at the top. It’s a reminder to myself that evolution takes time; I may not be as far along the path as I think I should be, or comparatively as far as some people, but I must remind myself: this is my path, no one else’s. I have to walk it as only I can. and, as I say, “every drop counts, every step matters”–each day, every little thing that I do to contribute to my growth and evolution, to becoming the person I know I am, matters.

And, honestly? I love my path. I love what I do and who I am…but I also get frustrated and impatient with myself because think I “should be” doing more. This Journey is really helping me with this. I am allowing myself to evolve (heal), rather than trying to make myself evolve.

Can you feel that difference? Allowing vs. making? One is an easy opening, the other is a forcing, prying. What happens when something is allowed? It happens gently, naturally. What happens when something is forced? There is resistance, pushing back.

It’s the same feeling when I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me.

How do I make my decision to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self? Do I do it with an attitude of allowing or making? Do I open myself joyfully to my Whole and Holy Self, or do I feel like I have to really work at making myself decide to be aware of my Self’s inner activity?

When I am “too hard” on myself, when I think I am not going far enough, fast enough, I try to make myself go further, faster.

There is a certain amount of “pushing” myself that is positive/healthy: that is a pushing through the ego, not pushing against the process or the Inner Self.

So there is a level of awareness that I must bring to pushing myself, to make sure I do not overstep pushing through the ego into pushing through the process. The first subdues the ego, the second sabotages the process, through creating unwanted resistance.

I am often very hard on myself. That is one of the reasons that the goals for this Journey were simply to be kind to myself. I need to learn to be more gentle, loving, and patient with myself.

Although I am often hard on myself, I rarely overstep, and most often, I am pushing through a block or an ego-construction. But, when I do overstep and sabotage my process by being too hard on myself, I must step way back to recover.

It’s possible that I have been in a position for much of this Journey of stepping back, learning to allow, which has not been a “normal” thing for me. Perhaps one of the things I have been accomplishing, not even realizing it, is creating a new pattern, new neurological pathways for allowing. This would include being patient with myself, being gentle with myself, being accepting of myself.

…Which would be good, because I have a long way to go!

 

A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N: Journey of Courage – Day 25

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

We are ready and willing, here and now, to be courageous. We release our minds’ ideas of security, of “right” and of “wrong”. We allow our personality to dissolve and to become One with the Love that Is, everywhere. All false boundaries evaporate like mist in the sun as we devote ourselves to the Oneness of Love.

Sharing

I have a friend who reminds me that the anticipation of pain is much worse than the pain itself. This goes for the anticipation of physical pain as much as for emotional or psychological pain. This is essentially the dictionary definition of fear: the anticipation of pain. Fear is not the pain itself; fear comes prior to the pain, caused by anticipation of pain.

Why am I bringing up fear and pain? Because I am thinking about courage…and I realized I am afraid of courage…then I realized I am not afraid of courage per se, but that I become afraid when I anticipate needing to be courageous. It’s the damned anticipation that throws a wrench in things, isn’t it?

I was here doing the Guiding Thought, picturing scenarios where I might need courage, including releasing ideas of security and allowing my personality to dissolve. In the anticipation, the fear came. Suddenly, I was in this whirlwind of wimp. But I am not a wimp! But I do think I am a wimp because when I think about (anticipate) being courageous I fall into fear, which leads me to think I am a wimp.

When I just face what I need to face, I am just doing it—and I am courageous: The anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself. Wimp is the anticipation of pain; courage is just facing whatever is before me.

Here’s another thought: why would releasing ideas of security, of “right” and “wrong” and allowing my personality to dissolve raise feelings of fear? What is it about these things that I think would cause pain (because fear is the anticipation of pain…if I have fear, I must be anticipating pain)?

And I realized this is a HUGE clue to how subtly I hold onto my ego, that collection of ideas and beliefs about “me”. The thoughts of allowing and dissolving raised fear. What could be the only possible source of fear due to allowing and dissolving, but the (ego-)self being afraid of its own dissolution?

I wasn’t expecting this today. It was just enough of a fear-reaction to give me pause and alert me to something, but not enough to really scare me.