Re-ordering (Purpose 1.2.32)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for

Guiding Thought

My Own Loving Presence is my Self. I turn my attention inward and become aware of my Own Loving Presence. With my focused awareness, my own Loving Presence fills me, grows brighter, and grows warmer. I claim my Self with these words:

I AM My Own Loving Presence. My Loving Presence is the Self of myself. I love my Self!

I want to give my Self everything it desires–and my Self wants the same for me. What do I desire, but total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmony? These are the infinite and eternal qualities of my Self! I am now aware of the inner activity of my Own Loving Presence and I invite it to express itself through me and externalize in my life as circumstances, people, forms, and events that fulfill my desires.


Lots of things in my life lately–since the beginning of 2018–have not gone “as planned”.

  • A project that I had intended to complete last month is still barely off the ground
  • I started my tax-information gathering back in November; it’s still not done
  • Weather has made in-person meetings suddenly into video-conferences
  • I put some devotional practices together, that (again weather-related) were interrupted.

I start things, they take longer to complete than expected; things come up and get in the way; things come up for other people involved, and cause delays. This seems to be happening for me in many areas.

I’ve also been a lot more non-specifically emotional these past few months. I told a friend that I felt like I was grieving for humanity. I’ll have moments of sadness and tears that have no identifiable cause. I’ll have moments of tears, and sometimes don’t even know the emotion associated with them.

A friend came over this past weekend and did a fire ceremony with me and we talked about how, during such ceremonies, people can become “a mess” and “fall apart”. When I do the fire ceremonies by myself, I fall apart regularly–tears and tears!

“Crying: the best way to wash your face”.

My friend said, “Let yourself fall apart” (“oh, I do!”); “it’s the release of ego–let it go!”

These things–things not going as planned, and tears–seem to be happening more regularly, and more frequently. I’ve been getting used to the tears for a few years now, so that’s “nothing” to me anymore. I just weep, let it out, don’t try to stop them, don’t think too hard about it, then in just a few minutes it’s over and I get on with whatever I was doing.

But the things not going as planned…that’s newer, and I’m not yet adjusted to it. I’m glad I’ve noticed it. Now, when things don’t go as planned, I can just think, “oh, here we go, this is that again” and not worry about it or think too hard.

Especially because when things don’t go as planned, they have been going just fine.

With these Journeys, we reach higher. We ask for more. We connect with the Self of ourselves, which wants to bring us everything we desire, in its highest perfected state. Sometimes that means letting go of ego, in order to receive total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmonysometimes that means allowing our Divine Self to literally re-order our lives in a way that brings us our deepest/highest desires.



A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N: Journey of Courage – Day 25

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for

Guiding Thought

We are ready and willing, here and now, to be courageous. We release our minds’ ideas of security, of “right” and of “wrong”. We allow our personality to dissolve and to become One with the Love that Is, everywhere. All false boundaries evaporate like mist in the sun as we devote ourselves to the Oneness of Love.


I have a friend who reminds me that the anticipation of pain is much worse than the pain itself. This goes for the anticipation of physical pain as much as for emotional or psychological pain. This is essentially the dictionary definition of fear: the anticipation of pain. Fear is not the pain itself; fear comes prior to the pain, caused by anticipation of pain.

Why am I bringing up fear and pain? Because I am thinking about courage…and I realized I am afraid of courage…then I realized I am not afraid of courage per se, but that I become afraid when I anticipate needing to be courageous. It’s the damned anticipation that throws a wrench in things, isn’t it?

I was here doing the Guiding Thought, picturing scenarios where I might need courage, including releasing ideas of security and allowing my personality to dissolve. In the anticipation, the fear came. Suddenly, I was in this whirlwind of wimp. But I am not a wimp! But I do think I am a wimp because when I think about (anticipate) being courageous I fall into fear, which leads me to think I am a wimp.

When I just face what I need to face, I am just doing it—and I am courageous: The anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself. Wimp is the anticipation of pain; courage is just facing whatever is before me.

Here’s another thought: why would releasing ideas of security, of “right” and “wrong” and allowing my personality to dissolve raise feelings of fear? What is it about these things that I think would cause pain (because fear is the anticipation of pain…if I have fear, I must be anticipating pain)?

And I realized this is a HUGE clue to how subtly I hold onto my ego, that collection of ideas and beliefs about “me”. The thoughts of allowing and dissolving raised fear. What could be the only possible source of fear due to allowing and dissolving, but the (ego-)self being afraid of its own dissolution?

I wasn’t expecting this today. It was just enough of a fear-reaction to give me pause and alert me to something, but not enough to really scare me.