Healing Crisis of the Heart. (Heart- 1.1.33)


Journey of the Heart – Day 33
©Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Following the guidance of my heart, I experience life anew! As I express love, I  experience love everywhere. I find new ways to love. I recognize new depths and nuances of love. I am patient. I am kind. I am wise. I respond to life with love, as love.

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-



Thought #1

I’ve been thinking about purpose for about a week now. This is the subject of the next Journey; yes, the Journeys overlap like this as you continue them.

What is my purpose? What am I here to do? to accomplish?

Purpose has nothing to do with any material or external situations or circumstances. In other words, it’s not about what I do. My Purpose is not to be a writer; my purpose is not to be a teacher…or healer…or mentor. My Purpose has nothing to do with what I do.

Yet, my Purpose has everything to do with everything I do. What is it that I bring to everything I do? What is the highest >thing< or >whatever< that I can bring to everything? That is my purpose.

I’ll be writing about this on February 22, the “Why” day of Journey of Purpose, so I won’t give too much away here…but, I will let you know that it has to do with Heart.

Thought #2

I’ve been going through a bit of an emotional healing crisis lately. An emotional healing crisis is similar to a physical healing crisis, but–you guessed it–with emotions.

Here’s how it works: Emotional crap enters your mind/emotions/body (toxic people or situations, stress, drama, simply having been a child, etc.). Unless you are aware and adept enough to release it immediately (and, who is, at this stage of humanity’s development?) it gets trapped in your energy field.

Often that toxic, trapped energy magnetizes similar energies, which then magnetize other similar energies, which magnetize other similar energies creating a complex, convoluted, network of intertwined energies. (so called positive energies can be mixed in, or have their own intertwining, but for now, we are looking at the toxic ones.)

When enough energy is magnetized as one particular pattern, it becomes a locus of focus. The like-energies of similar toxic situations glom together. They are often recognizable as the “negative” thoughts and actions that come out consciously or subconsciously.

You’ve heard that doing emotional work is like “peeling an onion”–you take off one layer, and there’s another underneath it. Yes. But there’s more.

In my experience, it’s more like untangling yarn. Those energy networks are the yarn, and the tangles are where networks have “tied” themselves together and gotten stuck.

Instead of peeling, it’s more like unraveling and untying. You start with an end that you can find and work backward…and you don’t always know when you’re going to find a big ol’ knot.

So, I’ve been unraveling and untying some emotional stuff recently about feeling lost, ungrounded, being unable to filter out toxic thoughts and emotions as a child, feeling suppressed and unable to express myself (also as a child), which caused me to feel hindered, limited, “caged”…and all of this childhood stuff has been coming out now as apathy (loss of creative power), anxiety, inability to prioritize tasks, which leads to immobilized, which leads to not accomplishing tasks, which leads to feeling more anxiety about not accomplishing things….

Today, I think I “found” a mass entangled knot–a place in this unraveling where several energy-threads had come together, intertwined, and then pulled really tight.

What else is there to do but release it?

What gets wound must get unwound! Unwinding, unraveling, and untying releases all that energy. The energy then has to go back out through the channels it came in on. The emotions are experienced when the energy first enters the body/mind/emotions, then they are experienced again when they leave.

I am always happy to work through emotions. Even when I can feel like a basket case when I do. At least I know I am releasing all that “stuff”.

Remedying a Cleansing Reaction: Journey of Peace 2017– Day 02

Copyright Tam Black 2017
for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

Knowing myself as Peace fortifies my inner awareness of the unity within. Through gratitude for the Life I Am, I connect with harmony. Through harmony, I am restored and strengthened, and am thus able to carry my Inner Peace to all of life’s activity surrounding me.


First, let me say, that even though I have been doing these Journeys for several years, and a lot of the early doubt, skepticism, and fear don’t show up so much, I still feel the effects of my own resistance to expanding my consciousness.

It’s like a cleansing reaction: when toxic stuff has come in (to the body/mind/emotions), when those toxins are released, they cause toxic symptoms. Even though the toxins are releasing, it can look/feel like dis-ease. It is a skill of awareness of your own body/mind/emotions to know if your response (mental/physical/emotional) is one of release, or of a toxin digging in deeper.

I had a toxic release last night. I felt non-specific panic, anxiety, and fear, about nothing in particular. I know it was a release, and not a digging in deeper, because a) I am pretty self aware b) I’ve been doing the Journeys long enough that I know they “trigger” my stuff c) it was non-specific and about nothing in particular. All I could think was, “Yup, the Journey has begun”.

This is also a sign of growing pains, so I consider it very beneficial. Essentially, what happens is these Guiding Thoughts challenge the lower mind, and ask it to consider new ideas, new concepts…maybe even grow, and evolve. The lower mind can feel attacked with these new ideas; it can feel inadequate or unsafe: what if I’m not good enough? What if these new ideas take over? What if I disappear, die? 

The lower mind responds through these fears, which for me came out as non-specific panic, anxiety, and fear.

Recognition, awareness, and patience to get through it without being pulled into the feelings are key:

  • If you think you are having a cleansing reaction, breathe (having someone who loves you to tell you “breathe!” really helps).
  • Observe the feelings: where do you experience a corresponding discomfort in your body? Ask yourself specifically, “What is this?” Name it, if you can; that takes some of it’s power away. “I feel trapped.” “I feel threatened.” “I feel disconnected.”
  • Ask yourself what other feelings are related to this feeling. Often, feelings act in layers. For example, feeling betrayed is often connected to feeling let down, not-heard, bitter, seething, etc. Uncover as many of those as you can.
  • Ask yourself, “Where did this come from?” Go back as far as you can, even to the very, very first time you ever felt the feeling you are feeling–even into your childhood. This, too, takes some of the power away: this may be my past, not my present. If it is my past, it does not exist now.
  • Remind yourself of the truth of who you are: I am not this feeling. I am perfect, whole, and complete. This feeling passes through me; I can watch it flow in and out. I experience this feeling, but I do not need to identify with it. Love and only Love is the Truth of who I am.
  • Then, love your feeling. Transform the feeling into harmony with Love (see yesterday’s Guiding Thought). Eventually, the feeling will harmonize with your Love, and you will be restored and strengthened, and you will come full circle to Know your inner Peace.