Impatience

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com — Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Purpose is to awaken to the Truth within me and share it. The Truth within me–My Inner Divine Mind–flows constantly and purely. As I go deeper in my awareness, the current of this broadens, strengthens, and brightens. It fills me and pours forth. This is My Source, the Source of all my good, all my happiness, and all my abundance. I awaken to My Inner Divine Mind and invite it to express itself as every person and event that will increase my awareness of it.

Sharing

Enough of this gentle “awaken” crap. I want to just slap the shit out of being asleep and wake the hell up.

I’m a bit riled up today. I feel a bit angry, a bit impatient. Can you tell?

How am I supposed to encourage you to be the Truth within you and let your Inner Divine Mind flow, when I can’t do it for myself? Is this hypocrisy? Is it process? Am I being as authentic as I can be? What more can I do? Is there more to do, or is there just continuing? Am I only frustrated because I think I want something else? Am I standing in my own way? Is my mind my problem? Are old patterns and expectations my problem? Am I only impatient because I (think I) want something I have defined that is not aligned with God’s plan for me?

There are a lot of teachings that talk about the flimsiness of the illusion, the narrowness of the gap, the thinness of the veil (between the Real reality of us and the relative reality of what we experience). Sometimes (like today), it’s as though I can see how flimsy, narrow, and thin it is, but I just can’t get through it, across it. I know how absurd my anger and impatience are; I know this is just part of the process; I know I am the expression of My Inner Divine Mind…but I feel like my experience is not full, not what it’s “supposed” to be, not what I want it to be. And I don’t know if I should push and try to get through the veil, over the gap, or if I should just wait…patiently.

Easier said than done: Either way, whether I should push or wait, easier said than done.

Guiding Thought

There is a Perfect Spiritual Idea of Perfect Fulfillment. My Inner Divine Presence Knows every form, experience, situation, event, circumstance, condition, relationship, and sequence that fulfills my desires. When I am diligent about maintaining my focus of desire on the loving benefit and fulfillment of all sentient beings, Divine Substance–which is the source of Spiritual Idea’s manifestation–flows through me and externalizes in my experience. Divine Presence appears as the perfect fulfillment of every single form, experience, situation, event, circumstance, condition, relationship, and sequence that I could possibly desire.

Sharing

Welcome to Round 4!

See this page for information on the rounds and an explanation on how the Guiding Thoughts change for this round.

There are only 10 days left. We’ve done so much these past 30 days; do you realize how far you’ve come? Can you feel it? After all, it’s not everyone who can think in terms of Oneness and expansion for 30 days in a row (and by the time we’re finished…40!). It’s not everyone who can think about blessing all 7.125 billion people on the planet. It’s not everyone who is actively involved in uplifting themselves and all of humanity. Give yourself a pat on the back…or a hug!

Speaking of hugs…I spontaneously gave myself a hug this morning. Before I knew what I was doing, or why I was doing it, I had my arms around myself, telling myself, “I love you”. It was kind of weird because it was so out of the blue, and for no reason. Who does that???

It seems to me that this is evidence. One of my obstructions recently has been the impatience, the wanting to see results. I think, “Oh, yeah…show me…show me ‘perfect fulfillment of form, experience, in situations and events’…show me.”

I am aware there is difference between what I think I want and what the Perfect Spiritual Idea is. If I really KNEW the Perfect Spiritual Idea as my life, there would be no impatience, no wanting it a particular way; there would be just peace and going with the flow…so I do not KNOW it, really. I keep looking for It. I keep wanting to see that perfection in my life, which means I do not think my life is perfect, that I do not trust that things are exactly how they should be. And all of this is a clue to how I need to evolve, what I need to heal, things I need to work on: Trust, acceptance, relaxing (sound familiar?).

But then, out of the blue, I hug myself! And it’s real. I’m not just standing in front of the mirror telling myself “you are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart” to try to make myself believe it. The hug is because I AM strong and beautiful and smart and kind and loving and worthy of SO much love.

It was like a moment where there was no looking for it. There was simply being the expression of my Self as the Perfect Spiritual Idea of myself! What more evidence could there be?

But, dang my skeptical mind! I am actually hearing part of my brain saying that doesn’t mean anything. It’s not real. It’s not really evidence. There is nothing there; you still need to see something in the circumstances of your life–until that happens, I don’t believe it.

It’s amazing to me how patterns of self-sabotage work. Even when I consciously acknowledge the evidence, a part of me can be denying it at the same time. DILIGENCE. This is why I need to be diligent in confronting and denying the nay-saying part of my head.

I AM LOVE. I AM AWESOME. I AM WORTHY and WONDERFUL. I LOVE MYSELF. So there!