The feeling of Infinity–Journey of Gratitude 2017, day 31

How good I feel today! My body is happy. My mind is calm. I’ve had a nice balance between being active and relaxing. I’ve learned several things today! (YAY!) All is well. Welcome to Round 4! We are almost done. Most of Round 3, I felt like the progress was very slow, each step like walking through molasses. At some points, I wondered if I was even getting anywhere. But, as always, everything started coming back together. I think sometimes I feel vacant and vapid because there is real intense work going on beneath the surface–and if I were paying more attention it would overwhelm me. Today I am thankful for the times I feel vacant and vapid! See this page for information about this last round, if you are new here.


Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for

Guiding Thought

I remember my Self and recognize the Love within me, the Love I Am. I see this Love as all I am and all there is, the reality of me, the reality of you, and the reality that is the Life of All. I honor this Love and this Life, and offer my gratitude for Its Being. What Joy there is in Being!


I keep thinking back to the words I quoted yesterday, “Love is the feeling of infinity”. I can tell, I am going to be thinking about this for a long, long time, so profound it is.

Today’s Guiding Thought is all about Love and Life. Which means, it’s also all about feeling infinity. Seriously, I just feel blown away with this infinity thing.

The Love within me, the Love I Am: Infinity. To infinity and beyond! (ok, now I’m being a bit goofy). But feel that. And when you feel it, you are touching infinity. Touching infinity! And “all” you have to do is recognize the Love within you, the Love you are. I can feel it. It’s tiny, but I feel it, a pinprick of infinity, in the tapestry of my self-conception. That pinhole is the portal. The fact that I even have a pinprick is encouraging. I have access. I can access the infinity of myself through Love.

I see this Love as all I am and all there is, the reality of me…If I look through the pinhole, yes. I can see this Love as All. But I have to look through the pinhole. It’s like there’s “me”, or rather, my self-conception of “me” which is enveloped in that tapestry, confining “me”, containing “me”. I look out into infinity, and know that that “out there”, that infinity, is really my reality. It is not “out there”, I just have wrapped myself in this tapestry, so that it seems like that is “out there”, when in fact, there is no tapestry, and I am part of it. Part of infinity. Not even “part of”…I am Infinity, here. Now. This.

And, if I am, then you are too. All of Life is this infinity. The dance of life, the dance of Being, the dance of knowing the self as All and All as self. Throw off the tapestry. Join the dance. The dance of Joy. The dance of Life, of Love, of Being, of Knowing.

Love is the feeling of infinity. 

“Crazy-Eyes Puff Ball”: Journey of the Heart 2.0 – Day 37

Journey of the Heart - Day 37 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 37
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

Guiding Thought

I focus my heart-love in the service of others.

As I serve others through my deepest heart-love, my own love expands and becomes amplified.

There is always more love to share, to give, to experience!

Such joy and gratitude fill me, when I open to my heart’s love!

-Play the Guiding Thought here (loops automatically).
Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls-



I guess “crazy-eyes” is what happens when I trace a bunch of infinity signs and add spirals around them. I wasn’t trying to do another crazy eyes; I just like infinity signs and spirals. The purple in the middle is infinity signs, symbolizing my heart-love focused in the service of others, infinitely. The blue infinity signs represent my own love expanding and becoming amplified. My love expands out from the action of being in service to others. The greenish, gold, and pink represents the energy that is generated from the expansion of my love. Then, when it expands far enough, it explodes in flares, spewing love out to everything!

What’s interesting, of course is that if the middle represents infinite love and service, infinitely, and the explosion represents the love going out infinitely, then love is coming out from infinity and going back to infinity.

I love infinity.

I should say that I love concepts that can make my head feel like it might explode if I think about them too long (like infinity).

The other day, I thought to myself, “What are God’s thoughts…what are the thoughts of God?” and I just sat there and thought about God’s thoughts. This is what I came up with, before I felt too much like my head was going to explode:

ING image release,13 December, 2013 Planetary Nebula Sh2-71 Photo courtesy of the Isaac Newton Group of Telescopes, La Palma
ING image release,13 December, 2013
Planetary Nebula Sh2-71
Photo courtesy of the Isaac Newton Group of Telescopes, La Palma

I think God probably does not think in words…they are too limiting. The image I had in my head was not static, however, it moved; it was dynamic, there was swirling and shifting and waves and billows. It only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was a great thought-experiment; it felt expansive, like I really was somehow “getting” an answer to my question.

Sometimes I ask myself what Jesus thought, or what Jesus prayed. This feels a little more accessible than asking what God’s thoughts are. We know Jesus prayed. And we know Jesus taught us the Lord’s prayer. But is the Lord’s prayer what Jesus himself used to pray? Or is it the prayer he gave to the masses, because so few have eyes to see or ears to hear? I am inclined to think he prayed differently than the way he taught us. I mean, if he actually prayed in the way he taught us, and his prayers were answered, and we are using the same prayers as him, then why can so few of us multiply loaves and fishes, heal the sick, walk on water, or raise the dead?  So what did Jesus pray? Or, what are we missing? And, even more…how do we figure it out? After all, He said, “All of this and more than this shall you also do…”

I ask the questions so I can figure it out. I believe Jesus; I really think he was telling the truth about what we are capable of. If we’re not doing it, there’s just something we’re not getting. But we can.

“Crazy-eyes penguin”: Journey of the Heart 2.0- Day 01

Journey of the Heart - Day 01 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 01
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls


Guiding Thought

My Heart knows how to love.

Everything is energy.

The most potent energy is love.

As I learn love, I invite the most powerful energy to express through me, to live as me, to be me!

My heart is Love’s abode.

My heart teaches only love.

I am a willing and joyful student!

Click here to listen to the Guiding Thought (loops automatically). Journey of the Heart audio created by Brad Vanlandingham for Susanwithpearls:



It’s funny, and it should be. “Crazy-eyes penguin”!

Of course that title has nothing to do with my focus while I was creating this picture.

I began with figure 8s. Infinity symbols. The “eyes” are simply a product of that. Within the “eyes” are spirals. Infinity symbols and spirals; it’s what I was really feeling as I was coloring this picture.

Then, I began to think, “How do I symbolize/express ‘the most potent energy is love’”? Next, the flame-type things came; they kind of look like a male lion’s mane to me: power!

Then I began to think about being a “willing and joyful student”… the outer infinity symbols then showed up. It goes on forever—exploding outward, spiraling inward.

Welcome to Day 1! I love this Journey! It’s a time for me to let go of my attempts at “understanding” or trying to figure things out. It’s sort of like conscious dream interpretation: what messages come to me through my hand from my heart? What is my heart saying?

In Other Words : Journey of Freedom – Day 21

Welcome to Round Three!

We went through round one of this Journey (days 1-10), focusing on ourselves as the experiencing subjects of the Journey. That only makes sense after all, I’m doing this Journey so that I can experience greater Freedom.

For the second round (days 11-20), the Guiding Thoughts were focused on a “you”, but the “you” was non-specific. You could have been directing the Guiding Thoughts to another person, or you could have imagined someone directing those words to you. Furthermore, the “you” could have been singular or plural, depending on your imagination.

Now we begin round three (days 21-30). This round intentionally joins us, with “we-our-us”. I am not just I; you are not just you. As we, any Freedom that is mine is also yours; I want freedom as much for you as for myself. We are in this together, and as we, we are equal.  Let that which flows through us all unite us and lift us!


Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for

Guiding Thought

Love is our natural state; In Love we remember who we truly are; we remember our holiness, our innocence, and our infinity.  Love enlightens our minds and lifts our hearts. We feel buoyant and expansive! We are now aware of our Self as Infinite Love, unbounded and free.


Yesterday’s Guiding Thought and contemplation really shifted something in me. I know the words I used yesterday to describe what I was feeling got a bit confusing with all of those “beings.” Since I did the Journey yesterday, I have been remembering the feelings, the images I wrote about. Here are some other words to describe it…this is important, because yesterday’s Journey has influenced today’s.

Infinite Being, being you:  Think of all that exists, all that has ever existed, and all that will ever exist. Think about all that energy, that creation, all that pure existence. All of that is accessible to you, because right at this moment it is expressing itself as you. You are expressing infinite being. You are not just part of it, you are it, and it is you. You are surrounded and filled with Infinite Being. There is no part of you that is apart from this reality. Your body moves with it, through it, as it. Everything you experience is Infinite Being. You are experiencing Infinite Being at the same time Infinite Being experiences through you.

Love is our natural state: The Source of All is Love. The source of existence is Love. Love can only create Love. Love has only ever created Love. Love is our natural state; Love is the Pure existence of Infinite Being. You are the pure existence of Love. When this becomes even a glimmer within consciousness, we begin to remember who we truly are.

This is important. I know, I know, the above words really don’t mean anything, if you don’t experience them. In fact, if I hadn’t had my glimpse yesterday (which lasted through the day, and into this morning), I am sure my skeptic would be coming out with, “WHAT? How!?” doubting and railing against all of it, but the experience silenced the skeptic.

The experience is what we are after; the words are a guide, a reminder, a prod; your heart-felt effort is the magnet.  However you do it, whether it is through these Journeys with me, through your own prayers, yoga, dance, silence, or any of the many ways there are to open your consciousness to the infinite, to open to Love, do it.  Open up your consciousness to allow a tiny glimpse of this infinite experience, and you will know how worth it it is.

If you don’t know it now, if you don’t feel it now… keep going. Even now, my glimpse has “worn off” so to speak, life activities happen, emotions happen, daily life barrages us with sensory input that gets in the way of keeping the mind focused on the Divine…I know. But that’s why I do this…I just keep reminding myself and reminding myself, and knowing there is something beyond what I think I know and I keep going…and every once in a while I get a glimpse like I did yesterday—a glimpse so real and clear the skeptic is silent, but more than that:

Today’s Guiding Thought was totally real.

The glimpse from yesterday, knowing myself as Infinite Being, knowing Infinite Being as me, was enough to further my experience and to also know our holiness, our innocence, and our infinity.  In that place of recognizing Oneness with Love, Oneness with All of Existence, there was complete sacredness and awe and appreciation. Everything was holy and innocent. There was great Joy and buoyancy. Everything was completely free in Love.

What is Freedom? This is as close as I’ve gotten. “We are now aware of our Self as Infinite Love, unbounded and free.”