Waiting on Inspiration–Journey of Worth 2.0 – Day 28

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com


Guiding Thought

We are worth the effort it requires to move our minds to Love. We are worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive. Every moment, every second that we open to simply being willing for Love to enter is a moment offered to Eternity; a moment offered to healing, a moment offered to Unity.

Love does not announce itself with trumpets and cymbals. It simply settles slowly, quietly, gently, beyond sense-perception. So we must wait in patience and take the effort to move our minds to join the quiet stillness of Love. Here we rest. Here is Peace. Here is all we want and need.


I’ve hit the wall. I usually hit the wall much earlier in the Journey, around day 9, 10, or 11, so I am thankful that it has held off this long on this Journey.

Sometimes the wall looks like doubt, sometimes it looks like cynicism, sometimes it looks like despair. Today it looks like uninspired.  I think, actually, I hit the wall yesterday, but I could not admit it to myself, much less publicly. So I tried to write something… and what I wrote yesterday felt uninspired, don’t you think? Maybe I shouldn’t admit that.

Today, I still feel uninspired. Bland. Neutral. Colorless.

It was three days ago that I wrote, “Worth is absolutely connected to material things, like money, but I have not even addressed that (yet)…This will be the direction for the rest of this Journey, bringing all this together a little better.” And yet, I still have not addressed Worth as a well-rounded idea which includes physical/material things. And I am still waiting–it’s been on my mind; writing about it just hasn’t been “right”. Especially not today. I want to get that right, and do it well, so today is not the day.

This Guiding Thought says, “We are worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive”. I am waiting now, I guess, waiting for inspiration.

Waiting is hard to do. I get worried when I have to wait like this. How do I know what I am waiting for will arrive? How can I be assured that I will not be stuck in waiting? What am I supposed to do while I am waiting? (Do you see how the theme of my wall fits in with the theme of the day?)

When in doubt, write about what you feel–that’s the trick. Forget about what you “want” to write, forget about what you think you “should” write, and write about the wall, write about feeling uninspired or worried or doubtful.

The writing changes the river, changes your experience of it. That change is always enough to ensure not being stuck. The writing pulls you into a new place without effort. The flow changes easily. Everything becomes new. (>Woot!< Yesterday’s article comes through!)


“Again, The Irony!”: Journey of Worth 2.0 – Day 23

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Cracking The Oyster

Happy Sunday! Welcome to Day 23!

What a crazy few days it’s been around here! The articles have been posted late, tags and categories are missing, I haven’t been writing intros…

Truth be told, Susan has been really busy with “real” work, which makes getting this done just a little slower. It means…Susan ends up posting the articles when they’re finished w/out me looking over them to make sure there are no major grammatical errors; it also means I don’t end up posting to my FB page, therefore no “cracking o’ the oyster”.

The irony is…there is quite possibly future change afoot; it would be very good change, actually! But change is change and change can be scary, even when good if only because there are so many unknowns. Well…“cheers” to change!!!

Grab yourself a temperature appropriate beverage, get to your favorite cushy reading spot, and as always…




Guiding Thought

We know our Self when we share our Self. As we give our Self, we see our Source returned to us. All that is Whole, all that is Beauty, all that is Holy, reflects back to us in the Joy of Being, in the brilliance of Life, in the Unity of Self. We choose to share only the Self of Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy, that we may Know our Self as Beauty, Wholeness, and Joy.



“I am a human being, not a human doing!” This quote, popularized by Dr. Wayne Dyer, is used a lot these days to emphasize the need to slow down and appreciate the small things in life, to remain calm and centered, or to not be so damn busy that life just seems chaotic. It’s the latest twist on “stop and smell the flowers”.

There is some irony here, I think. In order to be, here and now in this stillness, in this place of peace and calm, centered and balanced, one must do the things necessary to get here and remain here. It’s not like (in today’s world of business, television, internet, consumerism), people can just be without putting any effort into it. Hell, I work hard at it, and I still have trouble.

But my point is, it takes action to cultivate a state of being. More specifically, it takes action in the direction of stillness and Peace, to achieve a sense of being, and especially to maintain it over any period of time. This is why people meditate, right? To experience that place of balance, harmony, peace, stillness, or “no mind”, so they can identify with it and then replicate it during times when they are not meditating.

The idea is that being is a natural, joyful, peaceful state. The reason we have trouble “just being” is because we choose to do other things with our minds and actions. But when we make the choice to use our minds and actions to produce that state of being, first we have to fight against all of the mental and physical habits we have created against it in the first place. That’s why it can be so hard to meditate, or to contemplate, or pray, or sit in church for an hour. We’ve allowed our mental and physical habits to take us away from that place of peace, and those same habits rail against us when we try to change them. (This is also why I encourage people to just start, start where you can.)

Then, after changing your habits, and taking control of your mind (like a child, you need to teach it gently), there comes a point where the balance shifts, and you are no longer fighting against those habits. That is when it becomes easier, overall. There can still be bumps and regression and ebbs, but you break through, and the new habits become easier, while the old habits fade.

You begin to experience the results of the work because you have set your mind and actions on a different direction, one of peace and joy and being.

It’s true: being is natural. But getting there is work (again, the irony!).

Everything you put out reflects back to you. Whatever you are sharing with others is what you are putting out, is what is returning to you. Take some time to see yourself as Whole, as Beautiful, as Holy. This is the Truth of you, this is you being. See it that way, see yourself that way. Let it return to you. Recognize it when it arrives. Then share some more and more and more.

“Intentional Intention”: Journey of Purpose 2.0 – Day 32

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

My Own Loving Presence is my Self. I turn my attention inward and become aware of my Own Loving Presence. With my focused awareness, my own Loving Presence fills me, grows brighter, and grows warmer. I claim my Self with these words:

I AM My Own Loving Presence. My Loving Presence is the Self of myself. I love my Self!

I want to give my Self everything it desires–and my Self wants the same for me. What do I desire, but total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmony? These are the infinite and eternal qualities of my Self! I am now aware of the inner activity of my Own Loving Presence and I invite it to express itself through me and externalize in my life as circumstances, people, forms, and events that fulfill my desires.



“You will find that intention on liberation is the means to it. When this intention is full no other means is necessary. But when intention is weak what is the use of a thousand means? Therefore, the principal means to liberation is intention alone.”  -Tripura Rahasya

It matters where your intention rests. What do you want? What are your goals or desires? What are your goals for your intellect, for your heart, for your physical body, for your work and service? Where do you want to be at this time next year, in three years, in five years? Where do you want to be in 50 years? Can you think that far ahead? What are you doing within your own mind, your personal expectations, to get yourself there?

I always have two sets of answers to these questions. One is Spiritual, and therefore by definition both very abstract and very intangible. These answers are often what I discuss here, and ultimately, the purpose of these Journeys: God. Truth. Freedom. Service to the One Divine Will. The second set of answers is much more mundane–literally. These answers have to do with the fact of living in a body, in a house, needing to eat and take care of my family, financial matters, and the general stuff of life.

The irony is that it’s always harder for me to think about what I want in the concrete than it is for me to think about what I want in the abstract. It’s easier for me to think and focus on concepts like Love, Freedom, or Oneness than it is for me to say I want something tangible like, a car, remodeled basement, or an increase in salary. I get the feeling that most people are the other way around–that the material stuff of life is easier to focus on when it comes to wants or desires. Just look at all the abundance and magnetizing and laws of attraction stuff out there now, showing people how to “do” this; it predominantly focuses on getting stuff.

Intention is the means. Whether it is freedom or a new car that you desire, intention is the means. The question for me becomes, what is my highest desire, and I have to tell you, it’s never a car (though I did play with this for a period of time): “What do I desire, but total Peace, Freedom, Love, and Harmony?” Let your highest intention draw all things up to itself. Let the highest intention lead you; let all things come as a result of the highest intention, and they will serve only that.


Silly, Sneaky Mind: Journey of Courage – Day 08

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I allow myself to connect with my pure Inner Divine Heart of Oneness. I am aware of the expression of the Divine Heart through me, as me. I connect with my heart, and am aware of embodying its pure Love intention for All.  I am filled with Joy as I embrace my heart’s Love.


I am very much in my head today. I find it a little ironic that today’s Guiding Thought is all about the heart and its intuitive direction. I keep thinking, “How does this work?” How does my mind operate and how is my heart supposed to interact with my mind and contribute to all this? Meditative stillness, that deep calm, centered place that is beyond words, beyond thought; how does that work?

A lot of questions I can’t seem to answer. It’s not that I feel disconnected, not quite. It’s more like my mind wants to go into that stillness to figure it out. Except, when the mind goes into the stillness, it loses the qualities and characteristics of the mind. My mind wants to figure it out, but does not want to lose itself. It wants its analytical, assessing qualities, but it wants those about the very thing that would bring about its dissolution. What a conundrum!

[At least (I just realized), it loses the qualities that I have defined as “the mind”. There is part of me that knows the mind is so much more than how I define it.]

It’s not that my mind is afraid of the dissolution, either. That’s not it. It just wants access and knows it can’t have it.

Ok, wait. Maybe there is some fear there. What is that?

My mind does not want to share. It doesn’t want to concede to another way of gathering information. It’s like my mind is a train. It has an engine that drives it and lots of cars and compartments that are sectioned off and in order. The train itself is on a track going from point A to point B; there are no decisions, just stay on the track; it’s all very orderly, very neat, no confusion.

But when this mind-train looks at the heart stuff, it sees a foggy ocean and simply does not understand how we can trust the heart to navigate that. There’s way too much uncertainty: it can’t see where it’s going, where it will end up. There’s no clear track for a direction or guidance. There is no easily accessible information. Nothing would make sense. We’d be lost.

My mind wants control and is confronting information that potentially threatens not just the mind’s control, but its very existence.

Is that seriously what this is?

Yet, I know the mind and heart are not mutually exclusive, that they work together and help each other. What is my mind’s problem!?

There is a bridge. I know there is a bridge between these two ways of gaining information, having understanding and using or applying it. My mind is even rebelling against me remembering the bridge. I cannot even see/feel the bridge today! What the heck is going on?

My mind really wants to be dominant and it is being a little passive aggressive. My mind is so quiet I almost can’t tell it is the one throwing up the blocks; it’s being so vague and reserved I am having to work really hard to put a finger on how these maneuvers are getting in the way.

Whoa…now, I just saw something; my mind’s reaction is making a bit of sense…my mind is using a technique to defend itself, which is the same way it feels about “what the heart is doing to it”. In other words, to the mind, the foggy ocean is attacking it’s very linear-directed train. So the train is attempting to take on the qualities of the foggy ocean to put the foggy ocean in its place.

Whaaaattt??? So you’re saying that my mind feels like a victim of my heart, so it has distorted the qualities of the heart and thrown them back at me in an attempt to thwart my involvement with my heart? Riiiiiggght.

Ok, so really, I am not sure at this point. But that does actually make some sense to me.

For the past few days I have been feeling what I think is described as “subtle energies”. I’ve been feeling something shifting, moving, re-arranging. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like looking at fireflies through a long, dark tunnel. I can see some light, see some movement but it seems momentary, sporadic, random, vague, and if I take my eyes off it for a second I wonder if I saw anything at all. That’s how I’ve been perceiving the deeper levels of myself my mind does not access. But my mind has been noticing (and feeling threatened?)! So my mind is combating subtlety with subtlety. Pretty sneaky, mind.

I’ll have to keep an eye on this. >shaking my head<


Journey of the Heart – Day 36

We are on round 4! These last ten days, the Guiding Thoughts return to using me and I for the pronouns. See how your perspective of your self has changed through using you or we the past twenty days. See if your sense of self is bigger; if you can include a broader vision of “you”.

You may also choose to continue to take a moment before the Journey to listen to this quickly—it is a thought for others, so that the effects of this Journey ripple out!


Spend about 15-20 minutes with the guiding thought, and then let your heart speak through words, pictures, colors, shapes, whatever feels right. I’ve supplied a link below to an audio of me doing the guiding thought–use it if you like to create, while listening to it play on a loop (that’s what I do). Scroll to the bottom for my sharing…

Day 36 Guiding Thought

I listen to my heart and with my heart.

My heart pays attention to others, listening to their inner voice, their unspoken words.

I care, and attend with love to their deeper, silent needs, asking their heart, “How may I strengthen you and raise your energy?”

Click here to access the audio file.

You can download this and play it in a loop while you allow your heart to speak to you :).   I suggest Windows Media Player (I have not tested other players).

Journey of the Heart - Day 36 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 36
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

I had a bit of a “duh” moment when beginning today’s drawing. I was listening to the Guiding Thought before putting crayon to paper when I realized something: so far on this Journey, I’ve focused this Guiding Thought on other people’s hearts…but not on my own. Despite the first line saying, “I listen to my heart,” I have only been focused on listening with my heart on this day of each round. My heart was telling me it wanted to be heard.

On the one hand, I thought this was a bit ironic, since this whole Journey is about kindling a relationship with, and expressing, my heart. Yet…there it was…my heart, telling me it was feeling overlooked. On the other hand, when I tuned in to this, I really did feel that I was missing something important.

Now, after the past bit of time struggling on this Journey (see yesterday’s post!), today’s feeling and drawing are very helpful and comforting. This drawing is all about the gentle, compassionate enfolding of my own heart; soothing myself, being gentle with myself, having patience with myself, accepting myself.

>Breathing easy now<