Why a Journey of Fulfillment?

I confess: I don’t know how fulfillment feels. At a very basic level this is why I am doing a Journey of Fulfillment. In fact, at the moment, I’m not even sure what fulfillment IS.

This is very unlike the first three Journeys—a Journey of Purpose, a Journey of Healing, and a Journey of Worth—because with those, at least I know (and knew in advance) something about purpose, healing, and worth. Those Journeys were to deepen, broaden, expand, get me more in touch with qualities that were already familiar.

Fulfillment feels unfamiliar. And I feel embarrassed admitting it.

In the previous journeys, I approached from a place of “I have forgotten”—indicating that at least I knew, or had learned, at some point. With fulfillment, I don’t even feel like I’ve learned it—so it’s not as “simple” as just remembering. It’s more like building from scratch… no, it’s more like collecting the raw materials, forging them into something useful, figuring out how they fit together then building from scratch.

And that’s kind of exciting! What is the outcome…what am I building? I am now looking forward to how this journey turns out!

In the spirit of collecting raw materials…what is fulfillment?

The two things that come to mind are babies and the Peace Corps. Mothers (so I’ve heard) say that having children is a fulfilling experience; people who do humanitarian work seem to find great fulfillment in it.

From these, I gather that fulfillment is more than mere satisfaction, but it includes satisfaction. It also seems to be directly associated with an experience, which raises the question: is it the experience that produces fulfillment? Or is it a quality the individual brings to the experience that simply becomes expressed in the experience? Or is fulfillment in and of itself—not experience or quality? Or is it something else altogether different?

‘Cause here’s the thing: I don’t want my fulfillment to be contingent on, reliant on, dependent upon some external factor—a situation, another person, a job, etc. I do want Fulfillment to be. Fully. I want my entire consciousness to Know the Truth of being Fulfilled, of being whole, and therefore encounter every experience or person from an internal knowingness of my own (and everyone’s) total-perfect-completion.

Wow. Where did that come from? Maybe I have a better idea of what fulfillment means to me than I thought.

Maybe these two verses (which I play in my head wondering what they mean, which I have done for years) have finally started teaching me about themselves (of course… it’s really me, ready to listen):

1) From Psalm 23, “my cup runneth over”
2) From the invocation of the Isha Upanishad, “This is full, that is full. From fullness comes fullness. Take away from fullness, fullness remains.”

I have thought, “What does it mean for ‘my cup to runneth over’?” “How does that work?” “What do I need to do for my own cup to overrun?”

Think about that! King David was so FILLED that he poured out blessings on his enemies, and his cup ran over. I just picture him full of love and kindness and good will; the presence of his enemies did not even faze him…and he had more to give! And it was so real and certain within him that he knew he would feel this way all the days of his life.

That’s what I’m talking about. How do I do that?

And then, the Upanishads…there are many translations of this verse. Some use the word “infinite”, others the word “total”, still others the word “complete”, but they all convey a sense of both expansion and indestructibility. “From fullness comes fullness”—in other words, when fullness gives of itself, what it gives is equal to itself. The sharing of itself produces only more of the same—fullness. “Take away from fullness, fullness remains”—in other words fullness is never diminished. Even if something is done to try to reduce or destroy fullness, it can’t be done. Someone (anyone) could take and take and take and take and fullness remains to give and give and give.

This means…there is only fullness. If I’ve experienced or perceived anything less than fullness, I’ve been mistaken. I have mis-conceived. (AaaaHHHH-HHHHHaaaaaa! Understanding just entered my little mind! That’s why this is a consciousness Journey!)

It’s not that I have forgotten. It’s that I have been mistaken. I have -. Now I can move forward. I can begin to change my perception.

“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”


A Journey of Purpose: Afterword

So often over the past 50 days I have thought a lot about “letting go”.  After making a decision to move forward in anything, there is at least a tacit internal agreement to leave something behind. A Journey of Purpose began with a strong commitment and conscious decision to move forward, to accept my highest purpose, and to live to the best of my ability in alignment with that purpose. At the beginning, I didn’t think about what I would need to leave behind to fulfill this commitment.

Moving forward means changing; changing means dropping things (habits, emotions, behaviors, beliefs), transforming things (ideas, thoughts, behaviors), or promoting/enhancing things (the new ideas, habits, and emotions that are being cultivated).

There is a tension between the old and the new. What no longer fits with where it is you are going? What if I like that part of me, that thing that I may need to leave behind? What about this idea that I have had for the longest time—I need to change it?!? How do I allow Divine Mind through when that jerk cuts me off?

There is one thing in particular for me that has been very difficult to think about leaving behind. It was something that I have for many years been very attached to, something I have given my heart to, something that I have cultivated and cared for, something that I built into part of my self-identity (that’s the “little s” self). It was just something that was very, very important to me…but I could feel it no longer fit. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it fit: maybe if I do…. If only this would happen…. I can put this here and that there and then do this other thing…. But with every scenario, every attempt at figuring it out, I knew none of the outcomes would be right, they just would not fit with where I am going, and who I now want to be. I knew I had to accept that it needed to go. Out. Gone. Buh-bye. I even had to let go of thinking that it might come back (if you love something let it go….)—even that thought was holding me back.

I have a friend who had worked at a company for 20 years, literally starting at the bottom and working her way to the top. She did the equivalent of building a local empire, of which she was the benevolent and democratic ruler. Her subject-employees loved her. In a period of two years, after what could be described as a “buy-out”, her empire was dismantled around her and she was demoted in practice, though not title. It was only a matter of time before she resigned.  I thought about this friend and the forced-need to let go, and I thought of the Rudyard Kipling poem If: “if you can watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn out tools…”

The similarity between my friend and me is that we each gave our hearts to something that was important to us; we cared for and nurtured their growth. The difference is that I have a choice to let go; she did not.

I wonder: which is harder?

On the one hand if I choose to let go, I feel almost despairing, like I am abandoning this thing that is part of myself, something I have raised and “given life” to. I love it! I don’t want to let it go! But on the other hand, if staying made me miserable and I had to watch the destruction of something I loved, as my friend did, that would be pretty hard too.

I believe that people are all aspiring. We all aspire to Love. We all aspire to be happy. We all aspire to relax and trust life. So Love pulls us to itself. Life wraps us in its current. Love and Life want us to be happy, and they try to take us there, by pulling and wrapping and moving us. Sometimes we have a choice, sometimes we don’t.

There are infinite ways to cooperate with Life and Love; there are infinite ways to aspire!  There is no one way, there is no right way. Everyone has a Purpose. Just keep going. Live Life! Love! 

Mission Possible. A Journey of Purpose: Day 40

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

This journey concludes today, February 11, 2014, with this article. An “Afterword” to this Journey will be posted in the coming 7-10 days.


The world awaits my expression!  I am here to align with my purpose, participate with life, and share my Self. With each moment I spend cultivating My Own Loving Presence to be attuned with my Inner Divine Mind’s expression, the more I encounter the Perfect Spiritual Idea in my life activities. I choose to be aware! I choose to understand! I choose to know! I choose Life.

“Your mission should you choose to accept it”…

That’s how I feel. For the past 39 days I have been accepting and solidifying the acceptance of my mission.

But more than that, I’ve also been discovering what my mission is, just what particular expression the world “awaits”.

And even more than that, I’ve started the expression—I’ve started it!

There are at least three different layers to the expression:

– The end of this journey…

– While this is the ending of a 40-day journey, it is also the beginning of new life expression and a continuation of the journey. Life purpose doesn’t stop just because the journey does. There is so much yet to learn!

– There is really only one journey. Whatever I call it, the journey is to total peace, one love, life. These 40-day consciousness journeys are segments of the road, you on your road and I on mine; learning together who we are, accepting, giving, and sharing.

Thank you for joining me.

Breaking up with old habits. A Journey of Purpose: Day 39

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

I am. I am Love. I am kindness. I am filled-full. I have all I seek, for all I seek is within me. Now I can be who I know I am. I share my Self with all and hold nothing back; I give All Love. The Fullness of my Self returns to me as every form, person, situation, circumstance, and event that renews my fullness. I need not worry or think about what may be…my Self Knows and orders my life for my perfect fulfillment. All I need do is remember my Self…and smile, and breathe, and live.

I began doing these readings/writings with the stipulation it should be done once per day for a minimum of 5 minutes, preferably 15, then I would write what comes to me. I have followed this. My reading/thinking on the Guiding Thought averages about 20 – 25 minutes.  The writing averages about the same.

According to one school of thought, when conditioning or training the mind, it’s best to do an “exercise” at the same time every day. I have, in the past, adhered to this school of thought. It creates a rhythm, a flow, and an expectation within my consciousness that underpins my sincerity, my commitment. I understand this way of thinking, and most of the time, feel as though (for me) having a consistent time is most beneficial. Most days I wake up, make coffee, and spend about an hour in contemplative thought and writing.

But for this journey, since I stipulated only that it be done once per day, without a specific time-of-day commitment, a few days I have waited until the evening. I have learned some new lessons from this.

First, I now wonder about the prudence in sticking to one specific time of day. A habit is a habit; a rut is a rut; a pattern is a pattern: what patterns, ruts, and habits am I encouraging in myself when I commit to doing something at the same time every day, even if it is expanding my consciousness? Isn’t that a bit of an irony? “Expand your consciousness, but only do it at this time.” Intentional or not, I am setting up a pattern of limitation within my mind. It’s not that I can’t expand my consciousness at other times, but my mind is not thinking about doing it at other times. It’s like the difference between running on a treadmill and running over terrain. On a treadmill, I know what to expect with each step; over terrain, I must be prepared for each step to be different and adjust my balance, my footing, my pace, my landing with each step. I want my consciousness to be trained to be prepared for whatever comes along—not just doing what is expected of it.

Second, I have learned that my brain-response is different in the evenings. I am a reasonably intellectual person who must strive to merge and unite feelings, imagination, and creativity with logic and rationality (it’s not a difficult thing, but I must pay attention to the balance). I know of other people who are reasonably creative, feeling, and imaginative who must strive (if they want it) to pay attention to the balance of logic and rationality. Mornings, when I have just woken up, I am most easily closest to the feeling of things—I feel easier, I visualize easier; my heart and mind open to the unity of life more easily. So when I did the Guiding Thoughts in the evenings and they were more logical, more rational, I had some doubts about whether or not I was doing it “right”.  At one point, I note:

“Now, after having gone through the day, my brain being turned ON, my thoughts are harder to focus, harder to calm down. When I think about the flow, I am able to see it, but it’s more like being an observer than a participant. Am I cheating? Am I copping out? Am I slacking? Do I need to think about why this is happening? Do I need to change my focus? Or is this all just fine and part of it?”

I finally decided this is just “part of it”.  This is expansion. This is another aspect of how I relate to myself and my thoughts. This is another lesson in being willing to be attuned to my purpose in any frame of mind. This is breaking out of a habit, acclimatizing myself to a different layer, experiencing myself as infinite in a new way. With this new understanding, I smiled and breathed relief and acceptance…and went forward in life.

Easy as a Rubik’s Cube. A Journey of Purpose: Day 38

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Today I erase all I think I know of my inner Divine Mind. I am changing. I am changed. All is new. With a blank slate of pure luminescence, I wait, simply feeling my inner glow.


I want this. I invite this. I welcome this!

I allow myself to change, to become more attuned to my Self, more aligned with my Self, and more congruent with my Highest Purpose.

As I wait and watch my Highest Purpose appear in my activities as people and circumstances, I breathe, I smile, and I live.

Transformation into living your highest purpose really is as “easy” as allowing Inner Divine Mind to flow through you and encounter life activities in that state of awareness.

Just like it’s easy to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

If you know the pattern, understand how things “move”, and fit together; if you practice and make mistakes; if you know that sometimes undoing things or going backward actually moves you forward, and if you become familiar with all the intricacies so you can basically begin anywhere and solve it, then transformation and Rubik’s Cubes are really very similar.

But if you don’t know the pattern, the series of steps that are sometimes illogical, you have to fumble and try different things, and make mistakes…and you never really know if you are making progress or headed in the right direction. If you do seem to make progress you don’t know how you actually did it and you probably could not do it again. Then, you accomplish something (maybe with, maybe without understanding how you did it) only to have to undo it, dismantle it, or go backwards to accomplish the next thing.

With all of its twists and turns and backing up does this not sound like life? This is why transformation is easy…when you know how to do it, when you know the steps, when you know what to expect. It does not “just happen”—it’s a learning process, just like a Rubik’s Cube.

But it’s also an un-learning process. Just like a Rubik’s Cube, if you learn the wrong pattern, and are able to get 5 sides, but cannot get the 6th side, then someone comes along and shows you how to do it, and it was on side 3 that you flubbed up the pattern, you have to unlearn how you got sides 4 and 5 in order to relearn them, to get all 6 sides.

ARGH! Who can teach the pattern of accomplishing the life equivalent of 6 sides?

That answer of course depends on what your own personal life-equivalent is.

For me, the life equivalent is enlightenment. It’s Transcendence. Living and acting in absolute unity with Highest Divine Mind/Love/Life. This Journey of Purpose is teaching me the life-equivalent of “one-side” of the “Rubik’s Cube”—allowing my highest purpose. If you are here, joining me, I hope that this journey aids you in learning your life-equivalent of one-side, whatever that may be.

Receptivity and release. A Journey of Purpose: Day 37

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Of myself I am nothing, yet in union with my Inner Divine Mind, through my Own Loving Presence, I am everything and have everything. As I infuse my consciousness with Knowledge of my Inner Divine Mind, my activity expresses this Union and I experience life. I breathe in this life. I smile with Joy and gratitude, and I affirm: I LIVE.

Sometimes I think I’m not doing enough. Actually I think that a lot. Even in considering these Guiding Thoughts, I seem to think there needs to be more. That if there aren’t bells and whistles, sparkles and streamers, somehow, I am not doing enough. Even when I feel the flow; even when it feels just good and warm and normally fine, I want to make something happen.


Wait, “good and warm” seems “normally fine”? That may be a breakthrough in itself. Does that mean I am becoming comfortable with a certain level of feeling the flow of Inner Divine Mind? Does that mean, perhaps, I have expanded to a point where I easily allow a certain level of awareness?


It’s interesting isn’t it? Part of the point is to allow Divine Mind to flow through me, so that life activity is infused with its presence, rather than my own. Yet, I think that “I’m not doing enough”. On the one hand, I am asking for greater presence of Divine Mind. On the other hand, I want to “make it happen” (control it?). It’s no wonder that Divine Mind must be present in subtle ways, to infuse and flow slowly but consistently (sometimes a trickle or long drop) so I can notice…but also be aware… it is not me doing it. Allowing and letting go—receptivity and release—are the two tensions at work here; one, pulling me to express itself; the other, being willing to allow the pureness of that expression.

Only in that expression, of life activity in union with Divine Mind, do I experience the life beyond the activity.

May we All… A Journey of Purpose: Day 36

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Today I relax with confidence in the activity of Inner Divine Mind. I allow it to express its true nature of all-sufficiency and all-supply in my life and affairs. Today, my only responsibility is to protect my own Loving Presence from thoughts that block its flow. If I feel uncertain, I remember My Source; If I feel weak, I remember my Inner Flow; If I feel doubt, I assure myself of my Inner Knowing and I am free.

May you be Happy.

May you be Joy.
May you be Peace.
May you trust that You are all you
and will.

May you release all
and fears
that keep you from your Self.

May you be All,
Have All,
Give All.

May we be free

An equal belief of worth. A Journey of Purpose: Day 35

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

My Purpose is to awaken to the Truth within me and share it. The Truth within me–My Inner Divine Mind–flows constantly and purely. As I go deeper in my awareness, the current of this broadens, strengthens, and brightens. It fills me and pours forth. This is My Source, the Source of all my good, all my happiness, and all my abundance. I awaken to My Inner Divine Mind and invite it to express itself as every person and event that will increase my awareness of it.                        

Initially my mind was pretty distracted. I kept reading the words, but they had no oomph, no substance, and no presence. My (distracted) thoughts were “good” thoughts—they were not of worry or strife or stress—they were of care and concern for friends who are having a difficult time…but still…those thoughts were not aiding my awakening to my purpose today.

“Focus,” I told myself. “Feel it!”

So I began to hone in on the words “broaden, strengthen, brighten.” Ah, yes. There it is—the flow (more like a long-drip). It grew to a trickle as I kept thinking about broadening, strengthening, brightening…and from there I was able to feel it fill me.

I kept reading the words, feeling it, and at “pours forth constantly, purely”, it really began to flow, though most of the words were still filler. The substance of my experience was in feeling the words “constantly, purely”.

Think how amazing that is…”constantlypurely”. Divine Mind, Divine Substance – the Source of all my good, that Knows my heart and wants me to be happy – is flowing constantly and purely through me, out of me, through my Own Loving Presence…sharing itself with you, with All, always.


When I really think about that, feel that, I understand the word “awe” a little bit more.

And it’s pure. PURE. Clean. Undefiled. Unadulterated. And it comes through me—small, little, insignificant, silly me. It must have a sense of humor.

Ooooooohh. Wait.

…“small, little, insignificant, silly”…is that how I feel about myself? Am I? Do I feel that way? Or was that just a dose of healthy self-effacement? I did think it half-jokingly but it’s been said, the best jokes are funny because they have a touch of truth to them.

How can I awaken to my purpose if I’m not enough to handle it? How can I live my purpose if I am not worthy of it? If I think of myself as small and insignificant?


Divine Mind, Divine Substance, the Source of all my good, that wants me to be happy believes I am worthy of it.

What do I need to do for me to believe I am worthy of it?

An answer always comes. A Journey of Purpose: Day 34

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

My Inner Divine Mind is always expressing itself in all ways through my Own Loving Presence. This is its True Nature, thus this is my True Nature. I turn to my Inner Divine Mind as the Source of my happiness, my purpose and my fulfillment. I allow it to flow through my Own Loving Presence and appear as all my activity, as every visible form and experience I desire.

I did say that for this round, the goal was to go past words. How does one write when what is to be written is “past words”? I can describe or tell you what I saw or experienced, but that’s not really the point, is it?

How does one describe stillness, flow, and sensing life in “right order”? How does one describe feeling Divine Mind as the Source of happiness, as the source of right circumstance?

Often to begin, one of my starting points, as well as one of the points that I return to frequently is to ask myself questions like:

What is Divine Mind? What/who is God? What is Christ? Is it “the” Christ? What is Life? Who is Jesus? Who is Buddha? What is One Mind? What is Divine? What does it mean to be Holy? What is Oneness? What is Infinity?

And I try to get a sense for the answers to these questions.

The questions are not to raise doubt. It is rather like I am reaching out to these people/entities/concepts and saying, “Tell me about you. What do I need to know to understand you? What can you tell me now that I can integrate into myself and my experience…right now, today?

The approach is wonder, curiosity, and genuinely wanting to know.

Sometimes the questions provoke tears—feeling so small and insignificant that I wonder what matters, why I matter. What can I possibly contribute to a conversation with a Jesus, a Buddha, or Infinity? Often there are tears.

An answer always comes; a stillness, a peace, a calming reassurance; no words, just calming.

There is always an answer. It may even be the answer. It may be the answer that conveys eternity, infinity, and omniscience. But I am not yet at a point in my consciousness to hear eternity, to live infinitely, or to Know omnisciently.

So I keep asking…and integrating…and remembering to breathe and smile and live.

Love and peace as the default. A Journey of Purpose: Day 33

Copyright Tam Black 2013 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

I am now fully conscious of my own Loving Presence which seeks expression through me. My Own Loving Presence Knows my heart and Knows my happiness. It Knows how to fulfill my heart and bring me joy by placing me in right situations, with right people, at right times where I may fully express my purpose. I submit my mind and heart, all my thoughts, words, and actions to my own Loving Presence to be lifted to her/his vision and plan for my life.

This round so far is less about the “words” than any previous round. It’s about feeling, connecting, and Knowing the truth, presence, and power of the words. That means: pausing with almost every phrase to let the words settle in, over, and within me.

This round is also about solidifying my choice. This is my choice! My purpose is my choice! I choose joy and peace—“peace which passeth all understanding”. It is also about extending that peace through life activities. Life activities are a learning tool; they teach me how to live in Peace. If I am not in peace, I must change—first within, then without; as within, so without. And when I have learned the lesson… life activity no longer becomes necessary as a teaching tool.

When all of life activity becomes the expression of Divine Mind, when all of life activity is the natural integration of Divine Will and life activity, when love and peace are the default (and only) approach and mindset… that is Living!