I use terms like “simmering” and “stewing” a lot when referring to my thinking process. To me, they thoroughly sum up what is going on in my head: in cooking, simmering and stewing take items and cook them down, condensing them, allowing the flavors to blend, so that the final product is full of complexity and nuances of combinations of flavors integrated together. The finished dish is more than each individual ingredient, the flavors contributing separately, but coming together to form something completely different.

40-day Consciousness Journeys work in a similar way on my consciousness. There is input (each of the guiding thoughts), that has an individual impact or “flavor”, which then interacts with all of the other input. When simmered, they mix together to achieve a nuanced complexity that is absent from the individual pieces and only present after some time of co-mingling.

This is why I wait at least a week before trying to put it all together. And even now, I don’t think I am done cooking.

I’m not kidding about the subtleties and nuances, either. More than anything, I just feel different. More than any other Journey, so far, I feel like this one has worked mostly within my subconscious and energetic bodies—those areas that are just below the surface, where I can sense a shift and change, but not put words or identifiers to it.

If I had to guess, I would say the shift has grown out of the whole conversation with myself on day 16 in which I realized I needed to relax.

Relax. As in: let go, stop trying to control, predict, designate, pre-conceive. Relax. As in: Have faith, feel your higher purpose, work with your Self, rather than with yourself. Relax. As in: Trust. Trust what is; trust love; trust that the infinite intelligence at work from the microcosm to the macrocosm supports the perfection of my little life.

I have had some astounding realizations and interactions this past week—all a product of relaxing (as I have interpreted them).

First, I had a conversation with friend in which I said these words (which I had not pre-thought), “It’s about the Law of Attraction…but most people conceive the Law of Attraction to be, ‘I want THIS; manifest NOW!’ Instead, I want not to pre-determine what the ‘this’ is—I want to attract whatever is, whatever is highest, whatever divine is and simply allow THAT to manifest.”

Then, while doing some online research, I found a book and some mantras that I had never come across before. I started listening to the mantras right away, intending to just let them seep in slowly. One just blasted me, though. It says,

“As with all things in the Universes,

True Joy can only come from Deep Self-Realization;

Awareness and Love of the Other

Can only come from Deep reflective Self-Love.

And the Essence of All Living

Comes when one lets go of one’s life, needs, goals, and path.”

That last line was like a bugle waking me up, saying: “You need to just forget about what you think your path is. You don’t know.” In addition, the second line resonated with the beginning of what I had written at the beginning of the Journey: I intended True Joy, the Joy that is beyond the physical/mental/emotional, a Joy that is real and everlasting. I felt like this book and these mantras were helping me to shift into what I really want. I felt assured I was on the right path (whatever that is).

Then, while doing Si va na ta, I realized I do not do anything for the sake of itself. Nothing is “an end unto itself.” In other words, everything I do means something in addition to what it is. I don’t just do stuff. Everything has a meaning, a purpose that I bring to it, usually with full awareness. In fact, I try to bring as much as I can to every action; I bring as many layers as I can—mental (japa/mantra), emotional (awareness), physical (the action whatever it may be), spiritual (tuning in to the energy). I tried (yesterday) to just do stuff without bringing meaning and purpose to it. I tried just doing the dishes for the sake of doing the dishes, rather than as an act of service; I tried painting without having mantras running through my head; I tried interacting with people without bringing caring, giving, sharing to the interaction.

My day felt all wrong, I felt impatient, frustrated… until I let myself be myself again, until I relaxed into my Self.  It was what I have talked about before, about needing to compare/contrast actions and attitudes to see what works, what feels right, and then making a new choice—for me, making a choice for evolving into something better.

When I let myself be my Self again, that is, when I chose to allow myself to be caring, giving, sharing, involved, attentive, loving, etc. I again got a “message of re-assurance” (although, I do not know if there was a direct cause-effect relationship here).

A stranger, who I just started talking with, talked about the history of Christianity and about reading scripture in the original Greek and Hebrew. He said, “When you read it in its original language, you have to throw out everything American Christianity teaches.” I found out he is working on his Master’s Degree in History of Religions; he talked about how one little grammatical mark can change an entire meaning, and many translations did not take that into account, and therefore were faulty translations. He talked about Jesus preaching against the Pharisees and the Sadducees; he talked about trusting God, walking in Faith, knowing he was always exactly where he needed to be.

Out of the blue, this wonderful conversation happened. It was an interaction of connection, sharing, expanding, growth, and enthusiasm for being in the Divine Flow. And it was a message for me to trust, to have faith, to be open to Love, to continue to follow the voice that only my third ear hears.

In the past week, all of the ingredients of my Fulfillment Stew condensed into a few interactions and realizations. Trust my Divine Self. Trust that I am on the right path. Meet life with Love, openness, trust, listening, and acceptance. And most of all, relax.

The stew is in the pot. I think it still needs to simmer…for months, perhaps years. But when it’s done, it will be oh so Filling!

I am light. My body is light. I am free. I know my fulfillment: I feel it rise within me, expand out from me.

I was thinking about the metaphor of waking up as it applies to spiritual consciousness, this morning as I was waking up in my physical body.

We all know what it means to wake from sleep. We can talk about waking up in terms of being “jolted awake,” about being “rudely awakened,” about being “half awake (or half asleep),” or “barely awake.”

We know what it feels like to wake up well-rested or wake up restlessly.

Some of us wake up slowly, and barely feel alert after 24 ounces of our favorite caffeinated beverage; sometimes we bounce out of bed, rejuvenated with no other inducement than the joy of life.

Sometimes we wake up, but want to go right back to sleep. Sometimes we lie there in a half-dream state, neither asleep nor awake for lengths of time.

Sometimes we are awakened by someone else, a noise outside, by an alarm, a pet, a bug, by being too cold, being too hot, having a pain in our shoulder or hip, by having too many worries.

Sometimes we just wake up with no stimulus, no apparent reason.

But the point is…unless we are dead, we ultimately wake up. So too, it is, with our spiritual consciousness. All of the language applied to a physical waking up can be applied to the waking up of spiritual consciousness.

Everyone is just waking up, and doing it in different ways, at different speeds, with different methods, different prompts, agitators, stimuli—some internal and invited, some external and unwelcome.

I like to think that every stimulus enters into our consciousness for the purpose of our inner awakening and ultimately for the awakening of All into spiritual consciousness—a consciousness of Love and Unity.

Sometimes a spiritual prompt can come as a jolt (like a near death experience) or an unexpected (perhaps unwelcome) surprise (an illness, the loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy). Sometimes they are slow and steady, like relationships—especially relationships with parents and family. Sometimes they are aspects of experience that ebb and flow, like learning how to be responsible with money, learning to take care of another person, learning about health and well-being.

We do not, however, experience life in nice, neat little compartments. It’s not like I leave my health and well-being while I take care of money, nor am I suddenly out of a relationship just because I have entered the office where I work. Every moment, ALL aspects of life experience are with us. We may experience circumstances in linear time, but in our minds, everything is there every moment—the house, the relationships, the parents, the money, the health; those things don’t just go away when we are someplace else.

Similarly, spiritual consciousness does not just go away after I have done my little contemplation/meditation.

Waking up means bringing the meditation—the feeling of Fulfillment—into life experiences. Expanding spiritual consciousness is very practical. It means maintaining an attitude of Love, Peace, and Unity (or Forgiveness and Healing, where I am not yet awakened to Love, Peace, and Unity) into relationships, situations, and circumstances. It means being aware of the effects of my thoughts on situations that are not immediately happening (they don’t just go away). It means bringing an attitude of awakening to every situation, allowing it to work on me, to give me the gift of waking me up—even if it is a rude awakening.

I am at the end of this 40-day Journey, and I feel like I am only just now waking up. That’s what happens sometimes. Each 40-day Journey lifts me, but then it’s up to me to integrate the effects. With each integration, I start anew, waking up a little bit more…then I start over.

Thank you for joining me. I’ll be taking about a 7 day break while I do some thinking/integrating, and will be publishing some final thoughts on the journey in about a week. Feel free to email me or comment with your discoveries, insights, or experiences on this journey. I’d love to hear from you.

May you be Joyfully Fulfilled while you continue to awaken!

May those who seek, help others find;

May those who sorrow, be compassionate;

May those who are lost, light a path for another;

May those who question or doubt, give guidance;

May those who worry, lift the burden of another;

May those who hide, see their own light in the eyes of a stranger;

May we all give peace, no matter what.

I felt such gratitude this morning. It poured out of me, washed over me, seemingly emanated from me. I didn’t think about it; I didn’t ask for it or conjure it; I wasn’t trying to feel grateful; I didn’t invoke it. It just happened. I thanked God for everything I could think of, and more just kept coming. All of life was included in my gratitude.

The words of my friend Sean Reagan came to mind (paraphrased): “We practice to be lifted; the practices lift us.”

Spontaneous gratitude, joy, and love are one of the reasons I do these practices—all my practices. Through the doubt or the struggle or the questioning, the practices work on me, work with me, work through me. They change me, they change my mind; they lift me to a new understanding, and thus to a new experience.

Sometimes it takes moments, sometimes, days, sometimes weeks. It depends on the idea, and how resistant I am, and how much “stuff” is in my way.

But I just keep plodding, learning, clearing, inviting, allowing, and accepting while focusing on the Truth of Oneness or Love or Unity. These things lead me. And they never fail. My Joy increases. My Love increases. My desire for your Love and Joy to increase increases.

Yes, you were included in my gratitude this morning. Thank you for being here.

Spiritual work has deeply practical value. What is more valuable than experiencing joy, knowing peace, or loving your neighbor? Especially when it just shows up out of the blue? It’s the best reward, the best motivation. Loving life, loving being here, loving people, is the only thing that gives meaning to all of my activity.

Results don’t “just happen”. Results are for a reason, a reason that is created through focus and attention. Where is your focus and attention? What are your results?

Knowing Love in my whole being and not just as a concept, an idea, or a desire is worth every minute of practice.

May you Know Peace.

May you Know Joy.

May you experience Oneness with all you meet today and every day.

May Love descend upon you and fill you with the Joy of its being.

May all that is beautiful enter your life experience.

May you experience the perfection of Divine Harmony.

May all you encounter reflect a Celebration of Life.

My motivation is my choice. My intention is my choice. My will is my choice.

In Peace, I listen within for guidance so that my actions are motivated by joy, my intentions are love, and my Will is simply to share Joy and Love.

I read the Guiding Thought several times. I felt like I was missing something. It’s too simple, I thought. All it’s saying is that I need to remember to choose my actions based on joy, my intentions on love, and allow those to lead my will.

I almost felt like this was “a no-brainer”, duh.

There’s got to be more to it. So, I read it again several more times really trying to see what I was missing. While I did, echoes from yesterday rang in my head, particularly the very last line, “I follow what Divine Love chooses.”

1. Yeah. I was missing something.

I missed the insinuated paradox that something is “my choice” yet, then saying “I listen within for guidance”. “Within” still implies that is it within me, and therefore “my choice”, but it also indicates that there is more to it than just me deciding.

In fact, the implication is that looking within is the only way my actions are motivated by joy and my intentions by love. Or at least “real Joy” and “real Love”.

That, in turn, implies that the choice is between joy as it’s understood by my guidance within and a different joy that is understood by me (without guidance within).

“My will is my choice”, but also, my Will—which is the union of “my” will with the will of my guidance within—is to share Love and Joy. This brings together the idea that there is only One Will.

Yet I think I have a “choice” because I live in a world of comparisons and discernment. I have to “choose” to have the same will which is the only will, even though that choosing is, in itself, an illusion. But choosing makes my brain happy, gives it contentment, makes it feel useful. I just need to make sure (by choosing) that it is being useful in the way that is the ONLY way it can be truly useful.