Allowing vs. Making -Healing (1.4.38)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.

Reflection

Always remember that nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time. Take heart! -Dharma Mittra

I have so far to go. There are so many people in the world doing such great work, advancing themselves, teaching, being loving and compassionate, sharing it, bringing all that into the world. Wow. Om Namo Namah. I bow to you. Thank you for your contribution.

This is why I needed to add the quote at the top. It’s a reminder to myself that evolution takes time; I may not be as far along the path as I think I should be, or comparatively as far as some people, but I must remind myself: this is my path, no one else’s. I have to walk it as only I can. and, as I say, “every drop counts, every step matters”–each day, every little thing that I do to contribute to my growth and evolution, to becoming the person I know I am, matters.

And, honestly? I love my path. I love what I do and who I am…but I also get frustrated and impatient with myself because think I “should be” doing more. This Journey is really helping me with this. I am allowing myself to evolve (heal), rather than trying to make myself evolve.

Can you feel that difference? Allowing vs. making? One is an easy opening, the other is a forcing, prying. What happens when something is allowed? It happens gently, naturally. What happens when something is forced? There is resistance, pushing back.

It’s the same feeling when I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me.

How do I make my decision to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self? Do I do it with an attitude of allowing or making? Do I open myself joyfully to my Whole and Holy Self, or do I feel like I have to really work at making myself decide to be aware of my Self’s inner activity?

When I am “too hard” on myself, when I think I am not going far enough, fast enough, I try to make myself go further, faster.

There is a certain amount of “pushing” myself that is positive/healthy: that is a pushing through the ego, not pushing against the process or the Inner Self.

So there is a level of awareness that I must bring to pushing myself, to make sure I do not overstep pushing through the ego into pushing through the process. The first subdues the ego, the second sabotages the process, through creating unwanted resistance.

I am often very hard on myself. That is one of the reasons that the goals for this Journey were simply to be kind to myself. I need to learn to be more gentle, loving, and patient with myself.

Although I am often hard on myself, I rarely overstep, and most often, I am pushing through a block or an ego-construction. But, when I do overstep and sabotage my process by being too hard on myself, I must step way back to recover.

It’s possible that I have been in a position for much of this Journey of stepping back, learning to allow, which has not been a “normal” thing for me. Perhaps one of the things I have been accomplishing, not even realizing it, is creating a new pattern, new neurological pathways for allowing. This would include being patient with myself, being gentle with myself, being accepting of myself.

…Which would be good, because I have a long way to go!

 

Mama Said… : Journey of Abundance – Day 13

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Fill your mind and heart with Love, and align with the Light of Truth. Be Steadfast and focused on your own Loving Presence; live in the peace of fulfillment of your own Divine Identity.

Sharing

This is another directive (see JOA Day 12) Guiding Thought, this round. I’ve been learning for a long time how to take direction. I remember when I was a kid—young, maybe 8 or 9—when mom would tell us (my siblings and I) to do something. We would whine, “But moooommm” and drag our feet. When she was (I suppose) feeling particularly frustrated, she would ask, “Why can’t you just say ‘OK mom’ and do it?”

It took a long time, but “OK_____” has become a natural response.

About 20 years ago someone explained the resistance to directives to me in a way I could understand and accept, in a way I could understand how to be directed without feeling used/abused, controlled, or like I had no choice:

The mind likes to think, question, and decide for itself. It likes being in control (even if it’s the illusion of control). But that actually takes a lot of effort, and the mind doesn’t always like the effort. So, when a directive happens, the mind is caught between wanting to control, but not wanting to put forth effort.

The remedy is to tell the mind in advance to accept a directive. Explain to the mind that by choosing to do what someone else says, or requests, or wants you to do, the mind is deciding because it has already decided; it is in control.

In other words, you direct your mind, before your mind has to think about it.

Saying “OK” and just doing the thing is actually a lot easier for the mind; it realizes it doesn’t have to waste energy on resisting and then on trying to figure out what it wants instead. Eventually, the mind likes direction. My mind often thinks (now), “OK, just tell me what to do.” When I do that, or when I do what someone else is telling me, my mind just relaxes and lets the body act.

There are also lessons in surrender in this process: who am I willing to allow to direct me? How do I know/trust that they know better than I do? For the most part, when it comes to daily life-work events, I just surrender with “OK”.  “Baby, would you take out the garbage?” OK. “I need you to interview twenty people and compile the responses into a report”. OK.

…Because these things don’t matter. I have no interest in investing the mental energy of resistance because these things don’t matter.

I am, however, very interested in applying the decision-making function of my mind when it comes to the direction of my higher Self, or my Soul, or my spiritual evolution. These things matter and I do not just say “OK” readily to others’ directions. In these situations, I think, I feel, I ask the part of me that knows what’s best how I should respond, and I decide.

The Guiding Thoughts on these Journeys work for me—I developed them through my own thinking, feeling, asking. This is me, directing my mind, making decisions that my mind wants to say “OK” to.

They may or may not work for you. Think about it. Decide. Adapt the thoughts I offer in ways that feel right for you, create your own, or do something completely different. But decide. This matters.

 

Resistance Speaks Volumes. A Journey of Fulfillment: Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2014 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2014
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Why would you choose to limit yourself? To limit your reality?

All reality is yours! It is yours to give.

In giving and sharing, your Joy increases, expanding Love, expanding your experience of LIFE!

 

 

This was a very appropriate thought for me today. I have been feeling limited emotionally, physically, spiritually. It was one of those days when curling up in a ball and tucking myself away felt like a realistic option.

“But”, I think, “I didn’t choose this.” Or did I?

I had to start analyzing how I chose it, if I, in fact, did. After the analysis, I was no closer to knowing. Sometimes this stuff gets way too heavy—trying to look at the interplay of One-many, of Infinite-limited; expansive-bound. These so-called opposites that, in Divine mind are irrelevant get really overwhelming.

That’s a good word for how I feel about the guiding thought and the Journey itself today. I just don’t feel like my mind can see both sides clearly, much less reconcile them in expanding Love.

My smallness surrounded me; how much I don’t know has been glaring at me; my failures-of-follow-through mock me, tell me I deserve what I get (or what I don’t get).

How can I see reality beyond this? How can I give what I don’t have, what I don’t feel?

Here’s the crux of the “overwhelm”: I do have it; I just may not feel it. This is the paradox, the mystery, the fog, the battle that so many spiritual seekers experience (and I note that it’s only a battle because I am participating. Truth does not fight, has nothing to fight against. If I were “in Truth” there would be no conflict what so ever).

Truth is love. Yes. Got it. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t feel it. How can I be worthy if I don’t feel it? How do I reconcile these within myself?

I assert the Truth, because I won’t let my little mind “win”. My little mind doubts, heckles, mocks, tries to get the upper hand. I assert Truth again. My little mind comes back again. And on and on…

Need I point out that I am encountering resistance?

I do find some humor in this. After all, if I weren’t on this Journey, I wouldn’t be pushing my mind to expand. This resistance would never even come up. It has only come up, because I have reached a point in my mind’s own limitations, a point that I need to break past and expand beyond in order to realize the Truth of Being.

The resistance is telling me there is work to do!

There are several ways that I have learned to approach resistance in situations like this.

I’ve chosen: Expressing, listening, forgiveness. That is: express my resistance, listen to it, forgive it. Repeat as necessary.

Here we go:

Me: “In giving and sharing YOUR JOY INCREASES!” (Yes, I do start a bit emphatically; I need to rile it up a bit)

My Resistance (M.R.): “I have no Joy :(”

Me: “Really? Why is that?”

M.R.: “I’m tired of this. Why do you make me do this? I can’t do it! I can’t. You want me to do this and I can’t!”

Me: “Ok. That’s fine. I understand. I don’t want to make you do it. I want to do it with you. I want us to cooperate. I didn’t realize you thought I was making you.”

M.R.: “Yeah. It’s too much. I can’t do it.”

Me: “What about it is too much?”

M.R.: “All that Joy stuff. I am not always happy. Why do you want me to be happy all the time? I can’t be happy all the time! I can’t be that BIG. You want me to grow and be “expansive” and shit. I can’t do that all the time. It’s exhausting. Would you just take a break? “

Me: [I had to think about this, because… it’s true. I hardly ever cut myself a break]. “Hmmmmm… Ok. Thanks for telling me. So, it’s not that you are actually resistant; it’s that I never let up, is that right?”

M.R.: “Yeah. You’re so hard on me, yourself. Would you just relax? I can’t keep up. Every day. Every minute. Every activity. Constant. JUST RELAX.”

Me: “Sooo… you actually are cooperating really well with me, working with me, and it’s me who is pushing too hard?”

M.R.: “TOO DAMN HARD. I can’t keep up. Relax.”

Me: [in an ironic twist, I realize that I need to ask forgiveness of my resistance, or at least…just relax] “How do I do that?”

M.R.: “Duh. ‘Be.’ ‘Be Love.’  ‘Be your Self.’ Isn’t that what you always say?”

Me: “I thought I was doing that.”

M.R.: “You also don’t know how much you don’t know—so here’s just something MORE you don’t know.”

Me: [I can tell My Resistance is getting cocky with me] “Ouch. But you are right. OK. There’s just so much to do!”

M.R.: “And I want you to do it. I’m with you. I don’t resist often, but you’ve been really rough on yourself lately. You don’t have to do it all now. It’s happening. You are doing it. Relax.”

Me: “Ok. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll relax, as much as I can.”

M.R.: “Thanks for listening. You can do it.”

There are a few things interesting about this. Other than that my resistance is right. My resistance is actually trying to help me. At first, I wondered if it was a ploy—you know, my resistance throwing me off, in order to remain stuck in my limitations. After some consideration, I decided that my resistance was sincere, and genuinely trying to help me. By having me feel like I wanted to crawl into a ball and tuck myself away, it was telling me to relax. Feeling overwhelmed about all those paradoxes was helping by having me stop thinking about them.

The obvious main point that my resistance wanted to communicate is that I need to relax. But that doesn’t mean stop. It does mean to let go, go with the flow, trust, do what I can do and not worry about what I can’t do. I think it also means to accept help, to listen, to know that I am supported and cared for. I “do have it” and maybe relaxing is the way to realize it. It’s almost like “me thinks thou dost protest too much”—the more I try to “get it” the further I am from just being it. So my resistance is right. I just need to do what I say… clearly not always so easy.