Becoming Materialistic? -Healing (1.4.35)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

My own Loving Presence is my personal connection with Divine Mind. Attuned to my own Loving Presence, I Know myself as Whole and Holy. As I feel my Inner Unity, I know: this is all I want; I have found all I seek.


I have had some real push-pulls (i.e. inner conflicts) lately.

  1. I am doing a Journey of Healing, but have really been enjoying my summer with ice cream (which is “unhealthy”), and I have not been exercising as much as I want to.
  2. I want to be productive, motivated, inspired, but I feel like I fritter away a lot of time.
  3. I write about being attuned, Inner Unity, “finding all I seek”, but I feel a void, unfulfilled.
  4. I am keeping the commitments that I made to myself (time for this Journey, Fire Ceremonies), but I don’t feel like that’s enough.

Do you ever feel like things just don’t match up?  You’re not where you want to be, where you think you “should” be? Do you ever wonder what the future holds for you, and how you will arrive at it? Have you ever been in a stalemate with yourself, wanting something to “give”, but everything coasts along without change?

I just found that last line a bit ironic, because “change is the only constant” has been a fairly recent theme. How is it that I can feel stagnant, if change is the only constant?

I wonder what is going on. I tune in to my life, and I listen, I look for guidance and direction, I pray…but I don’t have or get answers…not ones that I can recognize, anyway.

I keep doing the work, but it seems like the work isn’t working.

Do I need to change tactics?

I spent some time (frittering away) on some sales sites just earlier today. You know the stuff: Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino, all the “how to be a salesperson” hype. Who wants to do that? Yet, I was oddly drawn to it, even thinking, “maybe  I need to get out, hit the pavement, and make some cold calls”. There’s something appealing about learning persistence, going out and talking with people directly instead of online, having a product to sell, and getting immediate feedback. Old fashioned, isn’t it? Why do that instead of just setting up an online store?

It felt like a way to change tactics, to become involved in my own life in a different way, to interact with real people and to build relationships. How counter-intuitive in this digital-information age!

One of the things that I am working on (since Saturn entered Capricorn in December, 2017) is my material life–because Saturn in Capricorn is all about material progress. I spend a lot of time and energy on my spiritual life, but in order for that to “mean” anything the spiritual must come in to tangible (material) expression. At least, that is my opinion.

I have been a monk in many lifetimes, alone in a cave, not worrying about the material aspects of my spirit. But this life? It matters. Experiences matter. Relationships matter. Using the spiritual to live in the material world matters. The monk in me does not care…really. I don’t care about cars or wealth or material things, except to the extent that I need to live in this world. And I feel like that mindset–my monk’s past–has put me at a disadvantage. Sometimes I wish I could be more materialistic, in the sense of being motivated by material things.

I know enough about NLP, affirmations, and mental patterns that I believe I could just “shift” into caring about material things if I wanted to. But then, who would I be? Would I leave behind all I value if I did that? Not having these answers is a reason I haven’t tried this.

This theme has been in the background of my mind/life for this entire Journey. Maybe I should have shared it sooner. But it did not occur to me that becoming more materialistic has anything to do with healing.

But healing has to do with Inner Unity…and this is a part of me that is disparate, in conflict, and in need of reconciliation.

Yours in the Work -Healing (1.4.26)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for
Guiding Thought

As we unite in consciousness with our own Loving Presence, we unite with Divine Mind. Divine Mind is Infinite Being—it is now, here, always. We exist in Divine Mind, as It does in us, united forever—One. It leads us to Itself through our consciousness of our Self: our consciousness of Self, as Infinite Being, is Oneness with Divine Mind, is our Peace, is our wholeness, is our Unity with All.


I feel like something is wrong with me.

Even just acknowledging that is difficult.

It’s just one area of my life. It has to do with accomplishment: what I thinkshould be doing vs. what I am doing.

There are several projects that I am working on. I think that I should be giving priority to (let’s just call it) project A, but I spend a whole lot of time on project C (or B or D…), which means I don’t “get around to” working on project A.

It’s not that I am lazy, or unproductive. I’m just being productive on something other than project A, that is less meaningful (or so I think).

Project A has been on my plate a long time and has lots of components and things to work on, things to work out. It’s both a bit complicated and time consuming…neither of which is generally prohibitive for me. I like working out complex ideas, and I don’t mind taking the time to do so. In fact, project B is also complicated and time consuming…So, why now, are these factors a point of resistance for project A?

I just can’t seem to get my sh** together to  work on project A. I have no motivation. I have no investment. I can’t see the purpose, the long-term. I wonder, “if I do project A, is that not just feeding and rewarding my lower-self, my ego?” Then that becomes prohibitive.

Yet on the other hand…project A is incredibly important in a big picture kind of way. So I wonder, “am I afraid of the impact? am I afraid of how big this is? am I afraid of success? of failure?”

I honestly don’t know.

The other day, I wrote about alignment. Project A was on my mind during that writing. Something is out of alignment. Or so I think. Maybe I just think something is out of alignment, and in reality everything is exactly as it should be.

That describes my entire mental conflict: “I think something is going on, and I feel wrong“….”but maybe it’s not what I think”. And I don’t know which it is. 

If something is going on and there is a reason that I feel wrong…then all I need to do is take the steps in the direction of feeling right, which means (pretty simply) working on project A.

And if things are exactly as they should be, then I should just relax. I’ve let this get too far. My mind spins. …and now I feel like something is wrong.

OK. All of this is context for the point I really want to make. There are two big ideas at play and these ideas are relevant to the project A situation and to this Journey. They are:

  1. Thought is creative
  2. What you seek you find

(1) Thought is creative both in imaginative (future) content (what informs your mind to work out as “reality”) and in attitude (how you approach content as it comes to you). This is why the daily Guiding Thoughts matter. They give imaginative content that your mind can then align with (create) in your experience, and they offer a framework through which to interpret experiences you are already having. The ultimate goal is to have congruence between the vision and the reality, so that the content you imagine is the content you experience.

Thus, it has concerned me that I have a new thought popping up recently that says, “something is wrong with me”. That is not content I want to either imagine or experience.

(2) What we seek on the Journeys, generally speaking, is Unity, Oneness, Peace through seeking the Truth of our Selves. We can find it precisely because Unity, Oneness, and Peace are the Truth of who we are. Again, this is a role of the Guiding Thoughts–they point you toward the direction that the You of you already knows exists, and It knows you are looking for It, so once you give five minutes a day to looking for It, It can help you find It so much faster and easier. The Journeys guide you to the only real direction there is, and in doing so make it easier for you to both seek and find the Truth of You.

But when someone has thoughts like, “what is wrong with me?” Guess what? A part of that creative mind takes that literally, and starts looking for what is wrong. And make no mistake…if you look for something –whether you mean to or not– you will find it.

And this is why I’ve shared this with you. This project A situation directly opposes the goal of the Journeys on these two points…and I need to change. I need to figure this out. I need get aligned, become congruent, root out the “wrongs”, do whatever it takes to free myself of these thought patterns, the inconsistency, the whatever this is.

Thanks for being here,

Thanks for your support,

Yours in the work,




(Purpose 1.2.23)

Happy Nararatri–today begins nine days of honoring the Divine Mother. Whatever your beliefs or background, take some time over the next 9 days to thank and honor women (divine or not), who are inspirational to you!


Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for

Guiding Thought

We are now fully conscious of our Own Loving Presence which seeks expression through us. Our own Loving Presence Knows our hearts and Knows our happiness. It Knows how to fulfill our hearts and bring us joy by placing us in right situations, with right people, at right times, where we may fully express our purpose. We submit our minds and hearts, all our thoughts, words, and actions to our own Loving Presence, to be lifted to our highest vision and plan for our lives.


This morning I read a motivational article embracing the growth opportunity of failure. You’ve probably heard of this. It’s a whole personal growth market designed around the Thomas Edison quotes about failure:

  • “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
  • “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

That’s right: Failure means you’re at least trying. In other words, real failure is not trying, and/or giving up.

In addition to this, at a different point this morning, I looked at myself objectively, and did not recognize what I saw, “who is this person I’ve become? this wavering, uncertain, timid, scared little thing who can’t seem to prioritize simple tasks, who is scared of what the future might hold, who is afraid of failure, and sabotaging her own progress?”

This is an ongoing issue for this Journey; I wrote about feeling failure on day 4. I am glad to know that I am still working through it. I am working through it!

I gained a new presence of mind today, being able to look at myself, and know that that’s not who I am, that’s not what I want to become. I know that I have a purpose, and it’s inextricably linked with my Inner Divine Self. I’m working out how to work with that inner part of me, and sometimes that brings up feeling like a failure…but it’s really just another step to success, to building the me I want, in the life I want.



Copyright Tam Black 2013 Edited for May 2013 by permission
Copyright Tam Black 2013
Edited for May 2013 by permission

In their calendar-type book “The Secret Language of Birthdays” Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers have done a pretty good job calling me out on at least one of my weaknesses. The extended book is based on the zodiac signs, with each of the 12 signs further divided into weeks so they can get even more specific with the profiles of the signs. The version of the book I have is designed to assess relationships with people by providing spaces to keep track of people’s birthdays, how my interactions go with those people, and thereby gain insight on the relationships.

They have my personology pretty close overall, I am described thus:

“Although Aquarius I’s may not necessarily be more intelligent than others, they generally learn quickly, often arousing other people’s amazement and also jealousy, due to the speed and ease with which they pick things up at the first go…They believe that experience is the best teacher and are often self-taught types…In their careers, those born in this week rarely do well in jobs where they are told what to do or have too much social contact. Self-employment suits them better, since they need freedom to make their own choices and plans and to follow their instincts and be true to what they believe. They can be emotionally unstable and at times can appear distracted, wired and self-absorbed…They will not be tied down to fixed routines and schedules. Aquarius I’s will rarely accept restrictions.”

If you were born between January 23 and January 30, you may recognize yourself here.

The days are further broken down for an even more individual look. January 26 is described as the “day of striking deeds”. My strengths (accordingly) are… I am active, dramatic, and confident. My weaknesses; I am destructive, dictatorial, and driven.

I don’t know that I would describe myself as either dramatic or destructive. I am too rational to be very dramatic and I have worked a lot on countering any destructive tendencies (although perhaps some still linger).

I am, however, definitely active and confident. I can even see where I have a tendency to be dictatorial, but again, I have worked a lot on countering that impulse.

It’s really the driven I am stuck on at the moment. I can be very driven. When I am in it, I notice it, but it does not matter. I’m in this THING that has taken hold.  I can see myself, I can see how focused and intent I am, and I don’t want to stop. Maybe I could stop, I just don’t want to.  It’s as though nothing else matters. It’s not quite obsession, because it is not ALL I think about—I can think about other things to do, consider my options, observe myself; it is more like compulsion—there is a force that is pushing me to continue.  I can’t resist or don’t want to resist.

Driven is not always a weakness or a negative experience; much of the time I like it. I enjoy being totally wrapped up in a project. For example, one weekend recently, I spent hours upon hours learning to draw the Shri Yantra (and then I spent hours making a video about how to draw it).  Another weekend recently, I spent hours upon hours creating Shiva Nata practice aids. When I get fixated on cleaning out a room or some other home project, I do it until it’s done (mostly) because it’s hard to stop in the middle. I do these things because they are fun, because they invigorate me, because I want to learn. I am relaxed and enjoying myself when I am in this state of being driven and the experience is positive.

But then there is the flip side to being driven, when insecurity, uncertainty, the fear of the future, the fear of loss or lack motivates my driven behavior. In this mode, the physical behavior is very much the same as when I am driven by pleasure or fun, but the mental state is very different. Physically, I am just doing, totally focused, all my attention on the task at hand, being totally absorbed. But mentally, instead of thinking about the fun of just learning or playing, my thoughts are more along the lines of, “If I don’t do this…then I will fail” or “If this doesn’t get done, I won’t have enough income” or “I must do this otherwise I will not be successful with this other (next) thing that I need to do.” Emotionally, this causes LOTS of stress.

I am learning about being driven. Stressful experiences encourage me to diminish them.  My stressful experiences of being driven have encouraged me to diminish the thoughts and motivators that make my experiences less than happy or joyful. I don’t want to diminish my drive, just the negative experience of it.

Personality traits are complex parts of who we are and how we express ourselves as individuals. The traits themselves are not positive or negative, strengths or weaknesses. What motivates or underlies the trait while we are exhibiting it is what determines its positive or negative experience. It’s up to each of us to decide where our motivation lies, what experience we want to have, and to move our thoughts, desires, will, and motivation in the direction of that experience.

For more information on the secrete life of birthdays see: