The Koan of Enlightenment: Journey of Creation – Day 36

Copyright Tam Black 2017
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Guiding Thought

When my mind and will are free, they recognize only Truth. My mind and will are free in the Knowledge of union with Perfect Love. When I am in the state of One Mind and Will of Perfect Love, I create freedom and truth for myself and All.


I see a paradox again in today’s Guiding Thought.

Yesterday, I said this, “The final step is to Oneness, where there is not the experience of Joy, Peace, Bliss, and Love–there is only the Beingness of Joy, Peace, Bliss, and Love.”

Once you get there, there is no more getting there. Any practice or experience (meditation, yoga, contemplation, etc.) that you used to assist you on the way is no longer relevant.

Further, there is no longer any reason to create anything: you exist in the Oneness of All Creation.

Yet, this Guiding Thought says, “When I am in the state of One Mind and Will of Perfect Love, I create freedom and truth for myself and All”.

This speaks to both the state of being there (When I am in the state of One Mind and Will of Perfect Love), and the state of becoming (I create freedom and truth for myself and All).

Maybe what I do while I am becoming is get as close to the state of One Mind and Will of Perfect Love that I can possibly get, until I take the leap into the being.

Uh oh. I see a similar problem with the first half of the Guiding Thought now, too. These sentences are speaking to the state of being, as though it’s even possible to Know yourself being, while becoming.

When my mind and will are free, they recognize only Truth. If I am in such a state, where I recognize only Truth, then I am not here, I’ve already taken the leap to Know Truth.

…and the same goes for being in the Knowledge of union with Perfect Love.

Right now, I’m reminding myself of how much I love the paradox of enlightenment (yes, just hear the sarcasm dripping…). This, from an earlier article entitled appropriately, It Can Feel a Little Insane:

For me, the paradoxes, the apparent conflicts egg me on. There is resolution. There is Oneness. These things fit together, somehow, in a way I do not yet see, do not yet experience. So I work with both “sides” allowing them to draw me closer to the Truth, to Knowing the Oneness inherent in All (even in paradoxes). (From Journey of Abundance)


Journey of Purpose 2.0: Afterword

What was this Journey about? How did I do? Did I accomplish anything? Did I get “further” on the Journey? This is me in my personal debrief mode, being self-analytical, doing a self-assessment, being (dare I say) self-critiquing (Do you know the difference between a criticism and a critique? The first one finds faults, the second assesses the “what is” in a neutral way, and looks for ways to improve).

I’ve been in debrief mode for almost a week and it has scared me. Not that I actually recognized my fear; I had to “stew” this long for Love to slowly reach in and pull me out–it had too! I have another Journey starting in a couple of days! I need to resolve this one.

The fear was because in all those question above, I was coming up short; that is “I” was coming up short–that is the “I” that identifies with the relative world, the “I” that is not eternal, the “I” that worries and blames and feels guilty. For all of my effort, the voice of the critical “I” still influences me.

But that is good! If I hadn’t done this Journey, and taken this rest, those self-critical voices wouldn’t have had this opportunity to poke up out of my subconscious and tell me where they stand.

At first, I only heard the voices as they were telling of my shortcoming for this Journey. They said things like, “See, you still don’t know what your purpose is, you failed this Journey”… “What did you really accomplish? –NOTHING!” “How come you’re not any better off now than when you started, there’s really no point to any of this…”

But then, with the help of my home-sounding-board (which doubles alternately as my shoulder to cry on, my comic relief, my voice of emotion [because I have a good voice of reason], and my gentle-nudge when I need a swift kick in the arse), I realized these voices sing an old tune. They are part of the larger pattern of me being too hard on myself.

And that’s when it all came together. I realized that sometimes, I put too much into the becoming and not enough into the being. In other words, I think about who I want to be, where I want to be; I think about my goals, my potential, my infinite Self that I am striving to become. AND YES…I always fall short. Everyone ALWAYS falls short in the face of Eternal and Infinite. This (again) is part of the paradox of enlightenment.

We will never achieve the infinite. That is the nature of “infinite”–there is always more. That’s why we need to be happy with being.

And that is how it all came together. I realized I really like BEING myself. No… not my Self, not that Self of infinite love and kindness, the one all these Journeys are about– I like my little self. I like my personality. I like my thoughts. I like who I am in the world. I’m a good person. I help people. I am kind. I treat people well and with respect. I smile, I laugh, I sing, I dance. I am abundant enough for a beautiful home, good food on the table, nice clothes, and an occasional splurge (like the new food processor I bought last week). And I realized that with all of my striving, with all of my “eye on the prize”, “gotta be better”, “gotta evolve”, “gotta do…whatever…”, with all of that, there was an underlying feeling that now is not good enough. I am not good enough, now. The “good enough” was always at some point in the future, which I’ll never attain, because there’s always more.

[May I just point out: the next Journey is Worth. Do you think that these feelings of “not good enough” are coming up now coincidentally? I don’t think so. This all works together in ways I really do not understand!]

On the very first day of Journey of Purpose, I wrote this, and now know I have come full circle, completed this Journey…accomplished…something:

“After I wrote the Why Journey of Purpose, in which I talked a lot about feeling sad at the cruelty in the world, wanting to rise above and assist, and wanting to find love and compassion for those who have so little love that they need to act cruelly, this was sent to me (a part of a much longer letter):

Please, dear Susan, love yourself. As you know, this is our biggest lesson. Everyone is our teacher as we are theirs. Sometimes the teacher is kind and loving and sometimes the teacher is harsh. But everything and everyone exists for our divine benefit, and every pair of eyes we look into are our own. It is a time on our planet when the consciousness has been raised enough that people realize that they have the power (through God’s grace) to manifest the life they want. We are all creators because we were created by a creator in His/Her likeness.

And after that, I was listening to prayers and one of them said this:

As with all things in the Universes, True Joy can only come from deep Self-Realization; Awareness and Love of the Other can only come from deep reflective Self-Love.

The name of the game is love. Always has been. Love yourself, love your Self, love yourselves. “


Turtles Live Longer Anyway! : Journey of Abundance – Day 27

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for

Guiding Thought

Our consciousness is the gateway through which Divine Love flows, materializing our infinite supply. We are now conscious of our own Inner Divine Presence—Infinite Love—expressing through us, providing us with the means to be aware, to understand, and to Know It as our Self– more and more!


Three words keep coming to mind today: Practice. Integrate. Be.

It started because I have been working on embodying Divine Love more and more, “to understand It as my Self”, to use the words of the Guiding thought. So, I keep thinking, “Just be it…what would it be like to just be it; get to that point where there is absolute certainty in consciousness about what it is to be It, and you are.”

I have moments, glimpses, of getting it; but, it occurs to me: how can I “see” it, know that It is something, know that It is something I am not yet experiencing, but that I can get there? How am I aware of this thing that (I think) I am not, so I am striving to be It? There must be a part of me that Knows.

The paradox of enlightenment comes to mind: we are always both being and becoming. I am right now all that is holy, all that is love, all that is everything, established in and by Love:

Om Puurnnam-Adah Puurnnam-Idam Puurnnaat-Purnnam-Udacyate

Om, That is Full, This also is Full, From Fullness comes that Fullness,


Puurnnashya Puurnnam-Aadaaya Puurnnam-Eva-Avashissyate

Taking Fullness from Fullness, Fullness Indeed Remains.

Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih

Om Peace, Peace, Peace.


Yet…I’m also striving toward it.

What you are searching for you are searching with.

I have been working with the ideas in these Journeys for over 25 years. Looking back, I can see my evolution, see the trajectory, know that I am now different than I was five or ten years ago. It’s only in looking back that I recognize my progress: I can see where I was and think, “Yeah… I don’t do that anymore.” or “I don’t react that way, like I used to.” or “These things don’t bother me like they have in the past.”  But, more than this, I can see how my ideas have evolved, become more nuanced, more complex; ideas from that time have solidified and grown naturally into daily thought process, ideas from 20 years ago that were new and a little strange, now simply a part of the foundation of everything I do.

This is integration: when becoming becomes being. And it’s always happening—the integration of becoming into being. And both are always happening simultaneously, so I am always both being and becoming.

It kind of sounds like I am just making word-play, doesn’t it? But isn’t that the nature of trying to talk about the unfathomable mystery of being?

Being is eternal-identity, the I AM; becoming is the recognition, the awareness, the awakening—which happens as we put intention into thought to become aware and to recognize our eternal identity. This intention is a practice, the more it’s done, the more the mind-will-body are directed toward the intention of awareness and recognition, the more being we integrate.

Let it be subtle…” Sometimes the being-becoming-awareness happens so slowly, over so much time, it is only through a hind-sight perspective, as I mention above, that the progression can be recognized. That seems to be how I roll. Slowly…slowly…slowly.

I used to want trumpets and cymbals; I used to want angels or light-beings to speak to me; I used to think, “Why am I not getting anywhere? What am I doing wrong?” Now, I am ok with slowly, slowly, slowly. Because I know the path I am on; I know my past 25 year progression; I am happy with that progression setting my trajectory for the next 25 years.

I know that—for me—integration can take a long time: this stuff is deep and complex, and there are so many ways to understand myself through these ideas. It’s ok to take my time, to chew on them, sit with them, look at them. As I do this, in the length of time that I take to really integrate what I learn through the subtle progression of consciousness, through the subtle shifts of energy, the things I learn become more solid, more natural. They become who I am.