No Rest for the Weary -Healing (1.4.27)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Love is Wholeness. The essence of Love is Peace. The essence of Wholeness is Unity. Our essence is Love, therefore, our essence is Peace; our essence is Unity. Since our essence is Unity, we share Love and Peace wholly. Knowing the Unity of Whole Love and Peace with All is the essence of holiness. We choose to be aware, to understand and to Know our Whole and Holy Self, which is Love.

Reflection

Do you feel like giving up? Do you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying, “nope. I’m done. This is not mine anymore. finis”? 

I don’t mean just about the Journey. I mean about anything in your life.

Are you tired of the stress? Tired of the responsibility? Tired of trying to figure out what the next step is? Tired of doing the work? Tired of being the one who always steps up? Tired of being the one who speaks out?

We all get to that point at some time, don’t we? Me too.

A line from the Bhavanyastakam just came to me:

I do not know how to be righteous or find your abode.
I do not know how to achieve freedom by dissolving my ego.
I am devoid of the will to fight; I surrender.
I am not strong enough to make any vow.
O Mother of the universe – You are my saviour, my eternal refuge.

There is something relieving about acknowledging limitations, or surrendering, or admitting, “I can’t do this…(alone)”.

I have felt like I have reached my limits, and I don’t know what to do. (I mean this mostly energetically/emotionally–you can’t do this kind of [spiritual] work without having more and more come up for release). But this type of energetic/emotional stress of “too much” is not unique to me–there is so much going on, so many ways we (all) are feeling an energetic onslaught of attack to our highest and most human values.

But there is no stopping. There is no going back. There is only moving forward. I know this; I bet you do too.

Because this is who we are: we can handle whatever comes at us, and we know it.

And because we know it, we know we are responsible. No one else has the responsibility that we have, because most people keep themselves ignorant–and if they don’t know or understand, they don’t have to do anything.

We do not have that luxury. We do not need to judge “them” (…even they are beginning to wake up), or be too hard on ourselves. Just do your work, as you always do. You are so important to all of us, and more powerful than you know.

Keep doing it. Giving up is never an option. You are not alone. 

This is for you:

 

 

 

Feelin’ the Love…mostly–Journey of Gratitude 2017, day 25

Today is about the ups and downs of emotions and enlightenment. World. Heaven. World. Heaven. World. Heaven. More Heaven. Thank goodness. But then world again. Today, a lot.

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Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

When we are aware of our Self of Love, we see the world through new eyes. Love is the Source of all we see, all we experience; it is the very activity of Life itself. We place our faith in the principle of Love and receive with gratitude all our experiences.

Reflection

I am Love. 

When I had that thought early this morning, it was a thought about God, as though God was saying, “I am Love”. For my whole life, whenever I’ve thought about God, It’s “that guy ‘out there'” (I was raised Catholic…you know God is an old guy with a long beard, right?) or some other “highest divine good”, but still out there. For much of my life, I have envisioned God outside of myself. Even when I think about the Divine within, even when I think about God being in my heart, in my mind, God is still out there, primarily.

Such entrenched habits are hard to break. This is one area, in my opinion that the cliché of unpeeling the onion really fits. How many layers are there before really realizing that God is within, abiding, residing, filling, overflowing? I get close, but with every approach, I find more layers. Each approach opens my eyes, opens my heart, opens my mind–I am certainly not complaining. But with an infinite God, the approaches and layers are also infinite.

I am Love.

For the first time ever, this morning, I thought to myself, “I thought that thought. God did not think the thought, ‘I am Love’, I did. Then, only after I thought that thought, I referred it to God….But wait. If God is Love, and I am Love, then God did think that thought.” 

It’s a bit confusing, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s so hard to put into words what I’ve felt or seen or experienced. Think about it this way: Imagine God (however you imagine God), gazing lovingly down (or up or across) at you, and saying to you, “I am Love”. Feel ALL that Love coming from God, pouring into you, palpable, accessible. Then realize that your thought about God is YOUR thought about God, and all that Love that you are feeling and imagining is inside your own head. Feel what you are capable of! The depth and fullness of your own love!

I’ve been going between this kind of feeling and understanding, and being really frustrated and impatient with the world. I seem to have a well-anchored center, but my experiences, and how I see the world, have really been on a yo-yo string. I have long moments like the one I just described, feeling love, feeling loved, wanting only love, to see only love…and then I access media and see arguments and hostility and snide remarks and oh! You know.

I am thankful that I am peeling away the layers and accessing more and more of infinite Love, but I still feel a long way from receiving with gratitude all my experiences.

 

Waiting on Inspiration–Journey of Worth 2.0 – Day 28

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

 

Guiding Thought

We are worth the effort it requires to move our minds to Love. We are worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive. Every moment, every second that we open to simply being willing for Love to enter is a moment offered to Eternity; a moment offered to healing, a moment offered to Unity.

Love does not announce itself with trumpets and cymbals. It simply settles slowly, quietly, gently, beyond sense-perception. So we must wait in patience and take the effort to move our minds to join the quiet stillness of Love. Here we rest. Here is Peace. Here is all we want and need.

Sharing

I’ve hit the wall. I usually hit the wall much earlier in the Journey, around day 9, 10, or 11, so I am thankful that it has held off this long on this Journey.

Sometimes the wall looks like doubt, sometimes it looks like cynicism, sometimes it looks like despair. Today it looks like uninspired.  I think, actually, I hit the wall yesterday, but I could not admit it to myself, much less publicly. So I tried to write something… and what I wrote yesterday felt uninspired, don’t you think? Maybe I shouldn’t admit that.

Today, I still feel uninspired. Bland. Neutral. Colorless.

It was three days ago that I wrote, “Worth is absolutely connected to material things, like money, but I have not even addressed that (yet)…This will be the direction for the rest of this Journey, bringing all this together a little better.” And yet, I still have not addressed Worth as a well-rounded idea which includes physical/material things. And I am still waiting–it’s been on my mind; writing about it just hasn’t been “right”. Especially not today. I want to get that right, and do it well, so today is not the day.

This Guiding Thought says, “We are worth the time of waiting, in patience, for Knowing to arrive”. I am waiting now, I guess, waiting for inspiration.

Waiting is hard to do. I get worried when I have to wait like this. How do I know what I am waiting for will arrive? How can I be assured that I will not be stuck in waiting? What am I supposed to do while I am waiting? (Do you see how the theme of my wall fits in with the theme of the day?)

When in doubt, write about what you feel–that’s the trick. Forget about what you “want” to write, forget about what you think you “should” write, and write about the wall, write about feeling uninspired or worried or doubtful.

The writing changes the river, changes your experience of it. That change is always enough to ensure not being stuck. The writing pulls you into a new place without effort. The flow changes easily. Everything becomes new. (>Woot!< Yesterday’s article comes through!)

 

“Gleam in Its Eye, Bright as A Rose!”: Journey of Purpose 2.0 – Day 38

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Today I erase all I think I know of my Inner Divine Mind. I am changing. I am changed. All is new. With a blank slate of pure luminescence, I wait, simply feeling my inner glow.

Transformation!

I want this. I invite this. I welcome this!

I allow myself to change, to become more attuned to my Self, more aligned with my Self, and more congruent with my Highest Purpose.

As I wait and watch my Highest Purpose appear in my activities as people and circumstances, I breathe, I smile, and I live.

 

Sharing

There is an ongoing theme, a carryover if you will, from Journey of Courage which is: I don’t know everything. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but it’s true–even I have to remind myself sometimes that my knowing is limited and finite (at least for now).

But isn’t it cool to think that somewhere within me I do know? My Inner Divine Mind communicates with me–and it wants to communicate with me! And, if I listen and pay attention I can hear it, see it, and see its interaction with me. It becomes tangible and palpable–just not always in the way I think.

This is why I have to erase, erase, erase. Every time I erase, I open myself up to hear Inner Divine Mind more purely, without the clutter of my preconceptions.

No, I don’t do this well, at least not recently. I have been belligerently stubborn about digging my heels in and wanting “it” the way I want it.

But I think it’s coming to an end (on day 38? Maybe I will get some reconciliation on this Journey!). Yesterday, I was faced with a situation (a scenario within the string of scenarios toward which I have been belligerent), and I heard myself think, “If it be Thy Will…”. Wait, what? Did I just think that? Yes! Yes! I did!! What a surprise, because recently, my thoughts have been, “I want this my way!” How wonderful when I think differently without having to try to make myself think differently.

This is evidence of a shift, my friend.

Last week someone said this to me (paraphrased): “Moving every little atom and molecule into place for the perfect outcome can take some time–you have to let it work itself out and be patient. You are like the caterpillar almost ready to turn into a butterfly; your transformation is almost complete”.

He really said that. Now: go to my Facebook page. Really. https://www.facebook.com/susan.billmaier and look at my cover photo. That cover photo has been there since November 7, 2015, the day after I wrote about the peacock and the caterpillar.

And finally, this came across my screen just this week:

creator unknown... If we ever find out we'll credit!
creator unknown…
If we ever find out we’ll credit!

I am just SO excited about what it could all mean!! Patience. Patience. Patience. It will just appear, like a thought transformed without trying.

“Effective Transformation Vacationing”: Journey of Purpose 2.0 – Day 28

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Today we erase all we think we know of the Inner Divine Mind. We are changing. We are changed. All is new. With a blank slate of pure luminescence, we wait, simply feeling the inner glow.

Transformation!

We want this! We invite this! We welcome this!

We allow ourselves to change, to become more attuned to our Self, more aligned with our Self, and more congruent with our Highest Purpose. As we wait and watch, our Highest Purpose appears as activity, as people, and circumstances. We breathe, we smile, and we live.

 

Sharing

Ohhh yes! I don’t want to think. I don’t want to figure out. I’ll just erase.

I’m tired. I’ve been working hard, perhaps too hard. I wonder sometimes, if my eagerness to move myself, to learn, to grow, to get it, at some point becomes a hindrance. I have been champing at the bit on this Journey and I’ve been feeling lately–that I need to STOP, that what I need to “do” is more of nothing, instead of something, that I need to be patient and let the Journey do the work.

Erasing is perfect for today. It feels relaxing, unburdening, freeing. It feels like “rest”; it feels calm. It feels like I don’t have to do anything…except erase. I have a picture of a window cleaner in my head. He’s washing the windows of my mind, “erasing”. He’s very content, just washing the windows. I feel content letting him.

I feel the strength of the erasing, and its connection to transforming. Erasing may not be necessary for transforming, but it makes the process easier. Why walk through 3 feet of snow, if you can remove it and walk down a clear path? Erasing hindrances, or obscuring thoughts is sometimes more efficient than trying to insert purer thoughts on top of them (which is like trudging through snow); erase the obstacles, then add the purer thoughts. They’ll be much more effective that way.

“Be Patient, Luke.”: Journey of Courage – Day 39

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

I accept my light and my lightness! I feel my Self expand! As I perceive change around me, I remain anchored in my Being of Light. I allow myself to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness as life moves quickly around me.

Sharing

What is the Guiding Thought telling me today? I feel like it’s giving me a clue that I will figure out at some point in the future. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately (and especially on this Journey): that I am being guided, following clues whither they may lead.

Flower of Life
Flower of Life

Interestingly in accordance with the Guiding Thought, in my usual meditation this morning I included light-meditation.  First, I pictured a white-light Flower of Life encircling me, with its center at my navel.

It represented creation and protection, or attraction and protection, in the sense of attracting what I am “creating”. Protection was about transforming harmful thoughts within, as well as being a protective barrier from harmful influences without. It was like a 2-way dream catcher, catching negative energies before they could reach me, and releasing negativity, or like a cell wall which allows in nutrition and oxygen lets out the “waste” of carbon dioxide.

Then I pictured a golden light encircling me, its center at my heart. You know how paintings of spiritually advanced people are often painted with a circle of light around the head? I wondered if those small circles of light in the pictures represent a much larger circle which would fill the space all around the person.

I moved my attention up and “saw” two circles of light with centers at my forehead and the top of my head. I know this is beginning to sound like a chakra meditation, but interestingly, the light at my head did not correspond to chakra colors. The one at my forehead was a pastel pink, the one at the top of my head a pastel blue. I thought, “That can’t be right…” and tried to visualize them in the “correct” chakra colors, but it felt wrong, so I let them stay pink and blue.

This is part of why I said a moment ago that I think the Guiding Thought is trying to tell me something, is giving me clues. What is the clue about pink and blue head-chakra lights?

More and more, recently, I am noticing things like this, that have no apparent rhyme or reason in the moment—like the peacock and the caterpillar—but that make a whole lot of sense a week or two (or three) later.

“Be patient, Luke.”

I am learning patience, learning to watch and allow myself to be guided. I am learning to follow. I’m learning “to sit peacefully in the still place of nothingness as life moves quickly around me”…and the clues continue coming.

I ended my meditation this morning thinking about God expressing through me, as me. Who am I to understand the entirety of God and Her/His expressions? Who am I to know how all the pieces fit in perfect Unity and Completion? I am enjoying being lead and enjoying simply following. It’s like the start of a whole new journey.

After note:

Just after finishing the Journey this morning, I had some time before I had to get ready for work, so I picked up the book, The Divine Mother Speaks: The Healing of the Human Heart, by Rashmi Khilnani. I came to a place that says, in essence, exactly what I wrote about above. It was like an immediate affirmation of everything I had written, including the part about finding clues—by affirming my clues! It really makes me chuckle how “stuff shows up”.

Here is what I read (Speaking about lessons to be learned from the Sphinx): You connect strongly to the energy of patience, to the energy of detached witnessing, and to the energy of nonjudgmental observation…Patience is the calm acceptance of Divine timing and of the eternal nature of all things beyond time. The tendency of the mind is to push you into impatience, which then leads to frustration and disease. The intrinsic nature of your human heart in its depth of Divine connection is patient, ever patient.

I began the Journey today noticing clues…then I went into patience…then I ended with patience about how the pieces fit (“Divine timing”); do you see it? Maybe it’s just me, but when I read the words from The Divine Mother Speaks, I felt like the book was telling me, in different words, exactly what I had just written. I also don’t think it’s coincidence that the last line of the above quote is about the nature of the heart, and yesterday’s Journey was all about the heart.

Journey of the Heart – Day 36

We are on round 4! These last ten days, the Guiding Thoughts return to using me and I for the pronouns. See how your perspective of your self has changed through using you or we the past twenty days. See if your sense of self is bigger; if you can include a broader vision of “you”.

You may also choose to continue to take a moment before the Journey to listen to this quickly—it is a thought for others, so that the effects of this Journey ripple out!

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Spend about 15-20 minutes with the guiding thought, and then let your heart speak through words, pictures, colors, shapes, whatever feels right. I’ve supplied a link below to an audio of me doing the guiding thought–use it if you like to create, while listening to it play on a loop (that’s what I do). Scroll to the bottom for my sharing…

Day 36 Guiding Thought

I listen to my heart and with my heart.

My heart pays attention to others, listening to their inner voice, their unspoken words.

I care, and attend with love to their deeper, silent needs, asking their heart, “How may I strengthen you and raise your energy?”

Click here to access the audio file.

You can download this and play it in a loop while you allow your heart to speak to you :).   I suggest Windows Media Player (I have not tested other players).

Journey of the Heart - Day 36 Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls
Journey of the Heart – Day 36
Susan Billmaier for susanwithpearls

I had a bit of a “duh” moment when beginning today’s drawing. I was listening to the Guiding Thought before putting crayon to paper when I realized something: so far on this Journey, I’ve focused this Guiding Thought on other people’s hearts…but not on my own. Despite the first line saying, “I listen to my heart,” I have only been focused on listening with my heart on this day of each round. My heart was telling me it wanted to be heard.

On the one hand, I thought this was a bit ironic, since this whole Journey is about kindling a relationship with, and expressing, my heart. Yet…there it was…my heart, telling me it was feeling overlooked. On the other hand, when I tuned in to this, I really did feel that I was missing something important.

Now, after the past bit of time struggling on this Journey (see yesterday’s post!), today’s feeling and drawing are very helpful and comforting. This drawing is all about the gentle, compassionate enfolding of my own heart; soothing myself, being gentle with myself, having patience with myself, accepting myself.

>Breathing easy now<