Remembering

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Our worth is inestimable, beyond compare!

We always know we have everything to give—thus, we may always give freely! We know our worth and we give it; we give it freely, and Know in the giving!

As we give, we learn, allowing Joy and Peace to lead and to guide us. We follow willingly for we know: Where there is Joy and Peace, there is Love; where there is Love, we are; where we are, we are giving our inestimable worth.

Reflection

Quick update: The panic is over again. It’s just weird to me that this cycle–in and out of panic–has gone on this long. I continue to do mantra, prayer, and fire ceremonies, which always move me out of it and/or help maintain balance and calm. Onward!

Themes for this Journey so far: Change/transformation and connection.

I’m going to add a third and fourth theme too: forgetting/remembering and holding on/release.

Holding on/release: I am adding this because when there is change and transformation, there is an inherent letting go of something in order for it to transform into something else. I am going to keep this in mind for the rest of the Journey, because–especially with my panic episodes–I have to look at, or be aware of, what I am holding onto, and not wanting to give up. Why am I afraid? Why am I afraid of letting go? What do I cling to?

Forgetting/remembering: I am adding this because as I was reading the Guiding Thought today, it came up for me for the second time today. Though this has been a minor theme so far (see days 1, 11, 21), I am going to bring it greater awareness for the rest of the Journey. It seems like since day 21, my sensitivity to the gap between remembering and forgetting has increased. What I mean by that is I feel more of a tug at my consciousness that says, “you know this, you just need to remember“. In other words, I am more aware of my forgetting, which is pointing me toward remembering.

I was walking, listening to birds, feeling the breeze, watching the trees, and I thought, “I am part of this. I am connected to all of this. I know I am…why don’t I feel it more? What do I need to do to feel it more”. It’s like remembering a memory, without the details, “I know this happened… but what exactly happened”?

So I am keeping on. More to do, more to learn, more to remember, more expansion, more growth, more love, more light, more life.

Love to you. I hope your Journey is going well. Thank you for being here, supporting this Journey with your energy. We’re all in this together.

Peace, peace, peace.

Copyright Tam Black 2014 Designed for susanwithpearls.com — Copyright Tam Black 2014
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

May those who seek help others find;

May those who sorrow be compassionate;

May those who are lost, light a path for another;

May those who question or doubt give guidance;

May those who worry lift the burden of another;

May those who hide see their own light in the eyes of a stranger;

May we all give peace, no matter what.

Sharing

I made it home from work last night, no problem, like any other day—well, ok, there was more traffic than usual, it took me 90 minutes for a drive that usually only takes 50 minutes, and it was rainy—but other than that, no problem, like any other day. Realizing there was nothing for dinner, I had to run to the store—again, not so unusual, although not all that frequent. About a mile away, the store normally takes about 20 minutes to get to and come home.

Not this time.

I make the turn to the store and accelerate to get up the incline…my car barely moves, and my engine revs. Come on, come on…what the hell… come on come on, make it up there. I barely make it to the parking lot. When I get there, I do some tests: car in Drive, press accelerator…NO GO. Car in Drive 2, press the accelerator…NO GO. Car in Drive 3, press the accelerator…NO GO. SHIT. Car in reverse. GO! Ok. Back into a parking spot. Turn engine off. Turn engine on. Car in drive. GO! SLOWLY. BARELY. OK. Maybe I’ll be able to make it home. Turn car off, go in, get dinner, head home with a bit of trepidation. The drive home took 5 times as long as usual, going about 5 miles an hour with flashers on. At one point it stopped completely and I thought I would be walking the rest of the way home, but by some miracle, it went again, after I turned the car off and back on.

My mood bordered on cranky and annoyed…but I was doing my best to stay positive.

Then, I remembered. I talk sometimes about forgetting, and how I should know better, and why do I forget when I really know better… this time, thank my lucky stars and the god of All that is Good, I remembered: I said to myself, “This is all perfect. Everything is going exactly as it needs to go to put everything in place for exactly what needs to be right and perfect.” Which is good, because the next day (today) was a big day already.

The transmission going out threw me into a completely different mode of expectation. That is to say, the way I thought today was going to go, what I had planned, what I expected, was thrown completely OFF. (and I have to say: I had some very important plans today).

In addition to getting done all that I had planned, I had to figure out how to get my car towed, get the rental car, find a transmission place that works with my warranty, and still get everything else done.

And everything turned out perfectly. Several scenarios that would never otherwise have happened, happened; I met new people who I never would have otherwise met, and engaged in conversations that would never have taken place—which unexpectedly prepared me for one of the very important points of my day. All the while, I maintained my thought from last night, “everything is perfect”. Indeed, I recalled a dream that I had about 10 months ago, in which, in the midst of a flood I literally held onto a buoy, and floated heedlessly along, while lots of other stuff was swept away all around me.

I completely let go of how I thought I was going to approach today. Instead, I decided to “go with it”, and float as though atop a buoy in a flood.

It was amazing. Everything worked out synchronously, in a very unexpected but interconnected way—in a way that I could not have planned, in a way that I could not have orchestrated. And I realized…THIS is what Dirk Gently is talking about. He really is my hero.