Allowing vs. Making -Healing (1.4.38)

Copyright Tam Black 2018
Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Guiding Thought

Today I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me, expressing through me. As I move through the affairs of my life, with an open mind and empty hands, I look first to my Whole and Holy Self for guidance. My only decision today is to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self—all other decisions arise out of this, in conjunction with my Self.

Reflection

Always remember that nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time. Take heart! -Dharma Mittra

I have so far to go. There are so many people in the world doing such great work, advancing themselves, teaching, being loving and compassionate, sharing it, bringing all that into the world. Wow. Om Namo Namah. I bow to you. Thank you for your contribution.

This is why I needed to add the quote at the top. It’s a reminder to myself that evolution takes time; I may not be as far along the path as I think I should be, or comparatively as far as some people, but I must remind myself: this is my path, no one else’s. I have to walk it as only I can. and, as I say, “every drop counts, every step matters”–each day, every little thing that I do to contribute to my growth and evolution, to becoming the person I know I am, matters.

And, honestly? I love my path. I love what I do and who I am…but I also get frustrated and impatient with myself because think I “should be” doing more. This Journey is really helping me with this. I am allowing myself to evolve (heal), rather than trying to make myself evolve.

Can you feel that difference? Allowing vs. making? One is an easy opening, the other is a forcing, prying. What happens when something is allowed? It happens gently, naturally. What happens when something is forced? There is resistance, pushing back.

It’s the same feeling when I decide to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self working within me.

How do I make my decision to be aware of my Whole and Holy Self? Do I do it with an attitude of allowing or making? Do I open myself joyfully to my Whole and Holy Self, or do I feel like I have to really work at making myself decide to be aware of my Self’s inner activity?

When I am “too hard” on myself, when I think I am not going far enough, fast enough, I try to make myself go further, faster.

There is a certain amount of “pushing” myself that is positive/healthy: that is a pushing through the ego, not pushing against the process or the Inner Self.

So there is a level of awareness that I must bring to pushing myself, to make sure I do not overstep pushing through the ego into pushing through the process. The first subdues the ego, the second sabotages the process, through creating unwanted resistance.

I am often very hard on myself. That is one of the reasons that the goals for this Journey were simply to be kind to myself. I need to learn to be more gentle, loving, and patient with myself.

Although I am often hard on myself, I rarely overstep, and most often, I am pushing through a block or an ego-construction. But, when I do overstep and sabotage my process by being too hard on myself, I must step way back to recover.

It’s possible that I have been in a position for much of this Journey of stepping back, learning to allow, which has not been a “normal” thing for me. Perhaps one of the things I have been accomplishing, not even realizing it, is creating a new pattern, new neurological pathways for allowing. This would include being patient with myself, being gentle with myself, being accepting of myself.

…Which would be good, because I have a long way to go!

 

“Riding the Rapids”: Journey of Purpose 2.0 – Day 08

Copyright Tam Black 2016 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2016
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Today I erase all I think I know of my Inner Divine Mind. I am changing. I am changed. All is new. With a blank slate of pure luminescence, I wait, simply feeling my inner glow.

Transformation!

I want this. I invite this. I welcome this!

I allow myself to change, to become more attuned to my Self, more aligned with my Self, and more congruent with my Highest Purpose.

As I wait and watch my Highest Purpose appear in my activities as people and circumstances, I breathe, I smile, and I live.

 

Sharing

Holy crap, it’s only Day 08, and this Journey has already been waaayyyy intense.

I started on Day 01 talking about inertia and the energy required in overcoming impediments to movement or to a directional change. Day 02 was about one of my most difficult impediments to overcome: loving myself more (and more and more). Day 03 was about how to overcome that impediment: surrender! Let my own Loving Presence BE the love I am. Then what happens? I love as One (Myour, Day 04). Day 05, I actually wake up and realize that I am going through a process–this is all part of it; you would think I would be used to that by now… Day 06 and Day 07 are almost like…once I realized on Day 05 I was in a process I began resisting, and trying to figure out what it all means (and being in “Its flow”, rather than in “my” flow). So today is perfectly timely. I have to remind myself that I want this (“stop resisting”; “go with it”).

For about a week now, a bunch of stuff about flow has been crossing my path. Flow is generally understood as that feeling of complete involvement in an activity, where time passes like nothing, where focus and involvement meet absolute peace and contentment. At least, that’s how I feel, when I describe myself being in the flow.

But this Journey…it has a flow of its own that is like nothing I can describe. It’s like my normal flow has increased, and instead of a gentle, gliding experience, I am riding the rapids. Complete involvement? Yes! Peace and contentment? Yes! But with a lot more “whooaaaa, I need to hold on!”

That’s why today’s Guiding Thought feels like such a great reminder (they ALL have so far!). I WANT THIS. It may not be what I thought it was supposed to be, it surely isn’t something I expected; I have no idea what is going on, but dammit, here I am…and I have to remind myself I ASKED for this. I WANT this. THIS is how we change.

And this ALL refers back to Day 01: I am changing my inertia…intentionally. I am shifting directions; I am moving differently. Of course it feels like rapids: it is.

Staring Down the Inner Child: Journey of Courage – Day 16

Copyright Tam Black 2015 Designed for susanwithpearls.com
Copyright Tam Black 2015
Designed for susanwithpearls.com

Guiding Thought

Be responsible! Be able to respond with and through conscious awareness of your inner-centered, silent knowingness. Practice Knowingness moment by moment. Anchored in your inner-harmony, have the courage to face your own thoughts and actions.

Sharing

Day 16 and I’ve hit my roadblock! I feel kind of irritated because my roadblock is exactly what the Guiding Thought asks me to look at. Dammit. At least I am gaining more of a sense of humor when the blocks come up.

Here’s the energy of the block:

Mom: Susan, turn off the TV and come to dinner.

Susan (age 7): Ok mom. (No movement)

Mom (5 min later): Turn off the TV and come to dinner!

Susan: OooooKaaaaayyy Moooommmm. (Still no movement)

Mom: (5 min later) comes in and turns off the TV, points toward the table, scowl on face.

Susan: …drags feet, head down, walks toward the table

Or

Mom: Susan you need to do your chores.

Susan (age 11): Buuut Moooommmm!

Mom: Do your chores.

Susan: I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!

Mom: Quit arguing and do your chores, why can’t you just say, “OK mom” and do what I ask?

Susan: Humph! …stalks off to do chores

It’s this energy of being made to do something, and resistance to that; the energy of feeling no choice in the matter; the energy of being told. When I woke up this morning, thinking about doing today’s contemplation and writing, I swear it was my 11-year-old, “I don’t waaaannnaaaaa!” that I heard in my head. It is definitely opposed to the energy of “I am responsible!” In fact, I feel like telling “I am responsible” to stick it. I know, I know, how immature.

As I am talking myself through this, I do see the immaturity, the irrationality of my resistance. I know that I choose to do the contemplations every day. No one is making me do it. I am guessing this is just some energy that has been stuck and now wants to come out. Whatever.

Feeling no choice is a deep issue (dare I say for everyone). It reflects the ego’s resistance to submitting to a higher will, the Divine Will—at least, that is what I have experienced. I now know when I feel like I have no choice it is because I’m actually working on letting go of a little more ego, and the ego is resisting. I’m not saying it’s easy but I do think it’s easier when I can identify why I am feeling/responding/reacting as I am.  In fact, the more I become familiar with the impetus behind my responses, the more I am able to respond with and through conscious awareness.

I just realized that despite my resistance, I am working through the Guiding Thought. How did that happen? Resistance turned into total compliance without me even wanting to.  I have the courage to face my own thoughts! Nothing like staring down the inner child.