Welcome to round 4! It’s the last leg of the Journey–we’ve come so far, and only 10 days to go! If you’ve been doing your own Journey, you will have noticed that with each round, the pronouns change. In round one, the pronouns are “I”, “me”. In round two, the pronoun is “you”. For round three, the pronouns change to “we”, “our”. Now, for round four, we go back to the pronouns “I”, “me”…but you will notice that after the previous two rounds, which focus on others, and on the collective, you (probably) will not feel the same way about “I” anymore. Fun, fun!
I’m proud of you. I’m happy for you–OH what healing we have done! Keep on for just another 10 days. You’ve come too far to stop now!
I clear my mind of all past notions of what I think healing is. I erase all memories and stories from my thoughts, leaving only a clean slate. I turn my attention to my Inner Divine Mind and I ask, “What is healing”? I wait and listen in silence; I take my attention deeper into the vastness of Divine Mind and ask again, “What is healing?”, “What is wholeness?”, and “What is holy?” I wait and I listen. Feeling stillness, I simply pause in the quiet and await my answer.
First, I’d like to take a step back, and review the past few days…which have been a bit tumultuous for me. Not “bad”, mind you, but stuff has just been coming up.
I read an astrology summary for July a few minutes ago. On July 4th, Chiron went retrograde. Do I really understand what that means…no, but here is the summary of that phenomenon:
When Chiron goes retrograde, healing goes inward. Right now it’s less about seeking help from the outside. It’s more about how you can connect the dots and heal yourself from the inside. Chiron retrograde will help you weave back together the broken parts of the Self and become whole again. The first and foremost step in healing is embracing those parts of you that you despise, those parts of you that you are ashamed of. You cannot heal yourself unless you embrace your broken parts. (astrobutterfly.com)
From ancestral healing, to karma, to just yesterday writing about brokenness…I would say that I am right on target for the universal energetic influences going on “out there”. I love it when something “out there” reflects back to me (validates) how I am experiencing the Journey. You won’t see the same reflections, as you move through your Journey, but you will come across information, situations, or people who speak to you on your Journey.
We are back at questioning with an empty slate. I have a new insight about this, and more generally the theme of seeking and finding, which has recurred several times so far on this Journey.
Here is my insight:
Ultimately, healing is of God, and only of God. Archangel Rafael is the Angel of Healing. Rafael means It is only God which Heals or God is the Healer.
One way to think of God as the only healer, is to understand that living according to Divine Will is what keeps us Whole-Holy-Healthy. Yes, God (omnipotent) can heal us from any malady, but more to the point, He doesn’t need to, when we willingly align ourselves with Divine Will.
Too often, however, we want our own will to be done. This is why the prayer “Not my will but Thine” is so prevalent and necessary. We think we know better than God! Silly humans.
Submitting or Surrendering to God’s Will is more about giving up our own will. It’s not that we need to actually do anything to surrender to God. His Will is. Divine Will is the Truth. It is here, now, forever. All we need to do is stop trying to unmake His Will with our own.
The obstacles in our path have to do with our own insistence on trying to change the Truth, trying to make our own small wills big enough to overpower God. Silly Humans.
This is why we get sick. This is the meaning of “disobeying God”. It’s not that He orders us to do anything; it’s that He lives in the Truth, where He wants us to be also, because Truth is Love, and Harmony, and all that Heaven-stuff.
Doing things that are “pleasing to God”, similarly, is not about God actually being pleased: He is Loves His children always with all our foibles. Pleasing God is simply about doing the things that will make us happy (which makes Him happy), so that we can live Whole-Holy-Healthy lives. Pleasing God is easy, because what is pleasing to God is living in the Truth. We cannot not live in the Truth, but we try to; we try to live in a truth that we construct for ourselves…and that is why we struggle. That is why life “is hard”. That is why there is so much misery. We fight the Truth. If we only surrendered to the Truth, surrendered to Love, surrendered to Divine Will, we would Know ourselves as the Whole-Holy-Healthy beings we were created to be.
So, all of the seeking is really about surrender. It’s about looking hither and yon and over hill and dale and up rivers and down…until we tire ourselves out, and in complete exhaustion we fall at the feet of our Father and say, “I have no answers. You have the answers. I want your answers, because I have searched everywhere for my own, and found nothing”.
I do this over and over and over. Is this insanity? Maybe. But, each time I arrive at the feet of my Father, I give up more of my lower-self. The seeking “breaks” me, so that He may rebuild me.
How many times do I need to break, to be rebuilt? How many times do I return to the insanity of my lower-self and think I can find my own answers?
For me at least, I feel assured in seeking only for Him…to the best of my ability. I still have lower-human attachments, conflicts, desires, needs. But…I’m human. With every surrender, more of my lower-self is destroyed, to be re-built in a way that will live in accordance with His Will.
These are my steps. Allowing myself to be broken is part of my Journey. Knowing He will rebuild me better than I was before is part of my Journey. This is why I seek. This is why I seek Him. Maybe there will come a final day, when I have exhausted myself so completely, I no longer choose to return to trying to find my own answers. When I do, I will simply step into the Truth that is already there, waiting for me to find It.